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G
Even the Lord disciplines/chastises/punishes whatever word you wanna use... to correct us as his children.
It is always for our better good.
Love encompasses all of Gods character traits since he is the definition of Love
We dont define it. Just as your kids cannot say
..." I will only listen if you tell me what I like to hear"
yeah how far does that get a kid and what kind of parent would one be to allow their child to turn it around and so to speak "parent the parent"
I see reward (blessing for behaving and listening)...for seeking and doing his will
And discipline for disobedience(testing him or rebelling to seek our own will)
This may includes tough love at times which Christ also displayed.
Hebrews 12:
5And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[SUP]a[/SUP]
11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
How may we be expected to deal with our own children any different than the way the Lord our own Father deals with us?
And since if we deal with our own children correctly, likewise how can we think ourselves ever so special to think any of us are exempt from the Lord continuously Fathering us in all the ways way he see's fit.
When God tells us not to spoil our own kids, I also have seen he has never spoiled any human neither.
Since spoiling creates a rebellious behavior with lack of respect for the authority that cares for and watches over them.
It is always for our better good.
Love encompasses all of Gods character traits since he is the definition of Love
We dont define it. Just as your kids cannot say
..." I will only listen if you tell me what I like to hear"
yeah how far does that get a kid and what kind of parent would one be to allow their child to turn it around and so to speak "parent the parent"
I see reward (blessing for behaving and listening)...for seeking and doing his will
And discipline for disobedience(testing him or rebelling to seek our own will)
This may includes tough love at times which Christ also displayed.
Hebrews 12:
5And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[SUP]a[/SUP]
11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
How may we be expected to deal with our own children any different than the way the Lord our own Father deals with us?
And since if we deal with our own children correctly, likewise how can we think ourselves ever so special to think any of us are exempt from the Lord continuously Fathering us in all the ways way he see's fit.
When God tells us not to spoil our own kids, I also have seen he has never spoiled any human neither.
Since spoiling creates a rebellious behavior with lack of respect for the authority that cares for and watches over them.
thank you so much for sharing
I
Children should be corrected for "willful disobedience". I really like James Dobson's book "Dare To Discipline" which has a common sense outline of how to correct children the right way. After correction should always come assurance and love and you must be sure the child understands the reason they were corrected. When it comes to correction of children, their age has a lot to do with it. No young child or baby should ever be disciplined, they can easily be "redirected" in their activities.
Each child is different so you have to use wisdom here. IF the child has a limitation of some kind, it might never be right to correct them in the same way you would a child without such challenges. You need the wisdom of God here and we can count on him to guide us.
With older kids (over 10) I believe the discipline should change to a removal of privileges and no corporal punishment should be used as they start to mature. IF you have been diligent when they are young, they should be developing "self control" by this time and the corrections should be less and less.
Each child is different so you have to use wisdom here. IF the child has a limitation of some kind, it might never be right to correct them in the same way you would a child without such challenges. You need the wisdom of God here and we can count on him to guide us.
With older kids (over 10) I believe the discipline should change to a removal of privileges and no corporal punishment should be used as they start to mature. IF you have been diligent when they are young, they should be developing "self control" by this time and the corrections should be less and less.
J
New contains parts of the old, it's sorta like a computer update. It doesn't completely wipe the drive everytime there's an update. Hence, "the law is fulfilled not abolished" actually makes sense. That, and you have crucial components of the new covenant, such as being children of the promise (promise made to abraham) that rests upon previous covenants.
[quotes]Spanking isn't at all necessary, you don't need to jump to physical punishment to train up a child, just like you don't need to use physical violence to train animals.[/quote]
It isn't always necessary but sometimes it is.
Have trained anything beyond a cat or dog? Have you broken a mule before?
Grace is not without discipline.
Scripture seems to assume corporal punishment is not unhealthy.
I'll throw your own question right back at you. Show me in the new covenant, or what you call such, where corporal punishment is a bad choice.
To me, this whole dangle the carrot in front teaches nothing of reality, and only further entices the flesh. Part of parenting is taming not only your own flesh, but the flesh of your children. The latter is harder, so the former is the easy way out.
Right back at ya.
My parents saved me from a lot of trouble using corporal punishment. I tried to ride my tricycle on the road where semis loaded with cattle and grain went by, I got spanked and didn't do it again because I knew I would get the hand again. I had no conception of thirty plus tons hitting a 70 lb boy. Same with playing with matches, playing with neighbors we weren't suppose to play with, and the like. What I have seen is that parents who do not use corporal punishment because that's what evil sinister people do, most generally are the ones letting their children run wild getting into drugs, sexual promiscuity, getting pregnant and murdering their unborn children, going to jail/juvy and having no self discipline.
I've watched some super nanny and seen some really great ways in how to deal with children. I wouldn't go to her for Christian advice but in training kids she's a pro.[/QUOTE]
[quotes]Spanking isn't at all necessary, you don't need to jump to physical punishment to train up a child, just like you don't need to use physical violence to train animals.[/quote]
It isn't always necessary but sometimes it is.
Have trained anything beyond a cat or dog? Have you broken a mule before?
Grace is not without discipline.
Scripture seems to assume corporal punishment is not unhealthy.
I'll throw your own question right back at you. Show me in the new covenant, or what you call such, where corporal punishment is a bad choice.
To me, this whole dangle the carrot in front teaches nothing of reality, and only further entices the flesh. Part of parenting is taming not only your own flesh, but the flesh of your children. The latter is harder, so the former is the easy way out.
Right back at ya.
My parents saved me from a lot of trouble using corporal punishment. I tried to ride my tricycle on the road where semis loaded with cattle and grain went by, I got spanked and didn't do it again because I knew I would get the hand again. I had no conception of thirty plus tons hitting a 70 lb boy. Same with playing with matches, playing with neighbors we weren't suppose to play with, and the like. What I have seen is that parents who do not use corporal punishment because that's what evil sinister people do, most generally are the ones letting their children run wild getting into drugs, sexual promiscuity, getting pregnant and murdering their unborn children, going to jail/juvy and having no self discipline.
I've watched some super nanny and seen some really great ways in how to deal with children. I wouldn't go to her for Christian advice but in training kids she's a pro.[/QUOTE]
im a firm believe in picking your battles.. there some things a child will do to get attention!! if it isnt physically harmful to them or anyone else then let it go then they will know hey this didnt work i wont do that again.. im not completly sold on time out :/ idk even the thought of isolating them to punsh them bothers me more so then yelling..seems that this would do more emotional damage. You never wanted a child to feel alone even if its just for a few seconds.. while it may work for most kids i think ill will take a different approach with mine thank you so much for sharing your story and ideas
The child is never alone! But the child needs to learn how to respect authority and when done correctly, it is a case of respect on both ends as this is what adults do with each other when a problem occurs, as they are to walk away until to think things over and get a strategy without angering the situation, and then go back to the person and talk it out. I know at 3 a child will not be able to mentally solve these issues, nor do i think they will be able to have this intellect, but believe me, they do understand what time out means.
I am not saying that time out works for all, and i did say earlier that this was not all of the forms of discipline, but for many children, it does work.
As for the removal pf privileges, it works too, but again, it depends on the child. But i know some who use removal of children's personal items? This is a bit touchy to me. As it makes the child feel like what eve they have is not really theirs as mom or dad have ownership over it anyway, so it makes them feel like a second class person or demeaned somehow?
I guess, it all depends what the circumstances and how old the child is and a lot of factors...This is a question many have asked for a long time. And not sure on the real answer myself as many people have grown up so well in many ways and forms in different aspects.
All i can say is, it sure helps to have the Lord to give us all direction in this area, as without His guidance, i would have pulled my own hair out many a day? LOL
I agree with everything, but the only thing I would add is when consequences are given, get on the same level as the child. Looking them in the eyes and not towering over them can create a sense of intimacy and reduce the feeling of humiliation. Also, I have found that a child who will most likely do what they wish even though you've said no, if you outline what the consequences are, sometimes it helps them to stay in line.
However, I also agree with the water torture. Sometimes only a few drops are needed to get the little rascals in line.
Yep, always. I've never known a time when a cat didn't need or deserve to be squished. My mom used to have a cat that I called Squishy because I would pick it up and squish the air out of it... then put it back down. Totally not my fault. The cat's name was Squishy. I was just fulfilling its destiny.
Now why can't the child be in isolation? I'm not saying that they can't see you, but if you have an extroverted child, wouldn't sitting with them be engaging for them?
However, I also agree with the water torture. Sometimes only a few drops are needed to get the little rascals in line.
Yep, always. I've never known a time when a cat didn't need or deserve to be squished. My mom used to have a cat that I called Squishy because I would pick it up and squish the air out of it... then put it back down. Totally not my fault. The cat's name was Squishy. I was just fulfilling its destiny.
When i say time out, i don't mean "isolation" i mean a time out in a place that is quiet where they sit alone with no distractions that is a designated area. This could be in same room with you, in fact its encouraged to stay in same room so you can engage in what they are doing. Also remember, they are only there for the maximum time limited according to their age? Thus if they are 3, then their time out limit is no longer than 3 minutes long.
The child is never alone! But the child needs to learn how to respect authority and when done correctly, it is a case of respect on both ends as this is what adults do with each other when a problem occurs, as they are to walk away until to think things over and get a strategy without angering the situation, and then go back to the person and talk it out. I know at 3 a child will not be able to mentally solve these issues, nor do i think they will be able to have this intellect, but believe me, they do understand what time out means.
I am not saying that time out works for all, and i did say earlier that this was not all of the forms of discipline, but for many children, it does work.
As for the removal pf privileges, it works too, but again, it depends on the child. But i know some who use removal of children's personal items? This is a bit touchy to me. As it makes the child feel like what eve they have is not really theirs as mom or dad have ownership over it anyway, so it makes them feel like a second class person or demeaned somehow?
I guess, it all depends what the circumstances and how old the child is and a lot of factors...This is a question many have asked for a long time. And not sure on the real answer myself as many people have grown up so well in many ways and forms in different aspects.
All i can say is, it sure helps to have the Lord to give us all direction in this area, as without His guidance, i would have pulled my own hair out many a day? LOL
The child is never alone! But the child needs to learn how to respect authority and when done correctly, it is a case of respect on both ends as this is what adults do with each other when a problem occurs, as they are to walk away until to think things over and get a strategy without angering the situation, and then go back to the person and talk it out. I know at 3 a child will not be able to mentally solve these issues, nor do i think they will be able to have this intellect, but believe me, they do understand what time out means.
I am not saying that time out works for all, and i did say earlier that this was not all of the forms of discipline, but for many children, it does work.
As for the removal pf privileges, it works too, but again, it depends on the child. But i know some who use removal of children's personal items? This is a bit touchy to me. As it makes the child feel like what eve they have is not really theirs as mom or dad have ownership over it anyway, so it makes them feel like a second class person or demeaned somehow?
I guess, it all depends what the circumstances and how old the child is and a lot of factors...This is a question many have asked for a long time. And not sure on the real answer myself as many people have grown up so well in many ways and forms in different aspects.
All i can say is, it sure helps to have the Lord to give us all direction in this area, as without His guidance, i would have pulled my own hair out many a day? LOL
Now why can't the child be in isolation? I'm not saying that they can't see you, but if you have an extroverted child, wouldn't sitting with them be engaging for them?
DuchesAmiee, yes! i agree! So they can see you, but not so they cant reflect upon their thoughts. After all, many a time, they go off on their own on purpose to do the very act of the crime alone, and don't worry one bit if we can see them, and many times, they don't want us too? But we as the adult still need to be responsible.
E
Having my 5 kids and vvatching kids as well and seeing there behavior I feel you need both of the positive feedback and when they do something wrong enforce the rules. My kids they do get time outs of how old they are. (Novv my 9yr old he gets grounded.) And if they continue not to listen privileges are taken away. If they still continue to act out they will get a spanken. Kids now days has no respect for them selves or for there parents and respect is HUGE in my house. I was raised to respect yourself and your elders as for your parents as well. If my kids will not respect me or there elders...well in my words they will wish to God they would've have listened because i myself do not put up vvith dis respect. I love my kids more than anything in this world and they kno this i make sure they kno. And i feel they need to kno why i have to get on to them, its all out of love. YES i have gotten on to them out of anger and i had to apologies to them. If they kept doing something wrong or whatever and just i vvanted to pull my hair out yea but as a parent i have learned very very fast that lashing out of anger your just going to make the problem accumulate and the kids see the difference of discipline out of anger and out of love. I vvant my kids to see the discipline out of love not out of anger.
N
My parents did spank, when needed, which wasn't often. No TV was also a punishment, and I remember losing a library book once which lost me a day at Disneyland with our Youth Group. They weren't real strict but we knew the rules and what was expected and generally wouldn't have dared stretch those rules too far. We knew what dad would do and that was enough.
This week our church had Vacation Bible School, ages 3 and up and their parents. Another mom and I commented how parents can let their kids run around, not sit still, not pay attention or follow directions. It was almost like they didn't see most of it. I would never have behaved like most of the those kids did and neither would my kids.
I see nothing wrong with spanking as long as that's all it is. But parents also do need to reinforce to good behavior, be loving and compassionate, and admit when they are wrong.
This week our church had Vacation Bible School, ages 3 and up and their parents. Another mom and I commented how parents can let their kids run around, not sit still, not pay attention or follow directions. It was almost like they didn't see most of it. I would never have behaved like most of the those kids did and neither would my kids.
I see nothing wrong with spanking as long as that's all it is. But parents also do need to reinforce to good behavior, be loving and compassionate, and admit when they are wrong.
Z
Clear rules and expectations. A mixture of rewards and consequences, but what those rewards and consequences are depends on the child. One of my children is very sensitive, so a stern look is often enough to punish the behavior. Another one of my children needs a much firmer hand. I try to remind myself that I am raising adults, meaning that I need to think about the kind of adults I want my children to be (faithful, compassionate, trustworthy, etc.) and remember that rewards and consequences need to lead them on that path.
During camp I put the kid who wants to run beyond the group behind the slowest in the pack, then it creates a faster slow and a slower fast.
At church, I create fun alternatives for kids to express themselves; rather, than scold for making a mess, I redirect and explain the redirection to the parents, pastor, or child--depending on each case. Also, if the parent has given me the go-ahead to correct his or her own child, I will use that trust to reinforce Mom and/or Dad's decisions on specific matters.
My parents admitting their errors was HUGE for me. If we live unabashedly hypocritical, in any area of life, we are teaching others to do the same. While my parents were not perfect, they were genuine, which led to me be inclined to do likewise.
Note: I am not the standard, but I am better in part due to my parents' humbling themselves.
Age, mental age, motive of child, circumstance, safety, teaching moment vs. manipulative punishment/reward intent, the appropriate authority (that is, the primary guardian or official), protocol, and Christ-like love needs to be considered.
Having said all the above, I really have no idea. I pray I show mercy and proper discernment akin to Jesus.
At church, I create fun alternatives for kids to express themselves; rather, than scold for making a mess, I redirect and explain the redirection to the parents, pastor, or child--depending on each case. Also, if the parent has given me the go-ahead to correct his or her own child, I will use that trust to reinforce Mom and/or Dad's decisions on specific matters.
My parents admitting their errors was HUGE for me. If we live unabashedly hypocritical, in any area of life, we are teaching others to do the same. While my parents were not perfect, they were genuine, which led to me be inclined to do likewise.
Note: I am not the standard, but I am better in part due to my parents' humbling themselves.
Age, mental age, motive of child, circumstance, safety, teaching moment vs. manipulative punishment/reward intent, the appropriate authority (that is, the primary guardian or official), protocol, and Christ-like love needs to be considered.
Having said all the above, I really have no idea. I pray I show mercy and proper discernment akin to Jesus.
I was sitting here thinking about all the wrong,right ways to correct a child!! Open for discussion- No judging here!! Let me know how you would correct/discipline your child..what do you do how do you approach it is it out of Love or Anger Love hearing different approaches and scriptures to back it up
is it out of Love or Anger Love hearing different approaches and scriptures to back it up
A
My husband and I use multiple methods of discipline (teaching). We use self-restraint, self-motivation, reflection, role-play, restriction, prediction, acceptance, expectations, communication, and God's word. The best part of using these is they can be used and re-used as the children grow and for each individual on an individual bases. We do not do to all what we do to one, meaning we base all teaching by the child. One may be deserving of something the other is not. We believe that this also prepares them for the world.What is fair anyway? We explain fair as a situation that has an outcome that can be persuaded by ones doing. That includes how they handle themselves, how they prepare, how they process, how they react, and how they affect others, but does not dwell on how they are affected.
For instance, my youngest is special needs and when he was at his worst I never stopped teaching about the little stuff, like not stepping on the growing flowers while we were at the park, and teaching him how to avoid them as he stepped, as well as showing him what happen to the flowers that someone stepped on. This specific time, one of his teachers were with us and she was floored that I took the time to teach him something so small when he has so many obstacles. She explained that most concentrate so hard on the not yet or wrong doing, that they forget about the should be and could be. Well, I work with him and I teach him what can be taught in every moment. Guess what, he actually walks around plants now!
Parenting conflicts and everyday life is one step at a time!
For instance, my youngest is special needs and when he was at his worst I never stopped teaching about the little stuff, like not stepping on the growing flowers while we were at the park, and teaching him how to avoid them as he stepped, as well as showing him what happen to the flowers that someone stepped on. This specific time, one of his teachers were with us and she was floored that I took the time to teach him something so small when he has so many obstacles. She explained that most concentrate so hard on the not yet or wrong doing, that they forget about the should be and could be. Well, I work with him and I teach him what can be taught in every moment. Guess what, he actually walks around plants now!
Parenting conflicts and everyday life is one step at a time!
S
There are many ways to discipline a child without hitting and I told my sons that they hit their children only as a last resort. I find a lot of parents these days will take their child who is throwing a tantrum in a very public place and they take them outside in a corner and hold them on their lap or leave them in a stroller and let them scream it out while telling them gently they can't go back inside until the stop crying and screaming and that they have to listen once they get back inside else they come right back out again. I had to do it with my grandson and SURPRISE! it worked.
But I was telling my son a few days ago to stop just telling his daughter 'no' and get up there and take her away from what she is not suppose to be touching. You need to show them what they are not allowed to touch as they haven't a clue as yet and after a while they know what no means but they don't know why/what.
But I was telling my son a few days ago to stop just telling his daughter 'no' and get up there and take her away from what she is not suppose to be touching. You need to show them what they are not allowed to touch as they haven't a clue as yet and after a while they know what no means but they don't know why/what.