Children learn what they live. Not what they’re told. Your life is their witness. Not the pastor or members of the church. They’re watching you and observing if your words and actions will align. Parents have an uncanny habit of addressing other’s mistakes while camouflaging their own. Coming clean is best. It demonstrates humility and reenforces the importance of hindsight and consequences.
My daughter’s lessons began at 3. I choose a characteristic each year and reenforced its message as the year unfolded. I likened them to building blocks and drew from various sources to reiterate the point. Including literature, films, and personal anecdotes. Oftentimes I asked her what she’d do differently or how the character could avert their fate.
Developing thinking and reasoning skills was a must. It imparted a sense of caution and consideration. I impressed the gravity of transgressing household rules and acknowledged the consequences of doing so. For dating, she received visible examples of how a gentleman looks and conducts himself and those she was never to bring home. They began at 7.
By the time she reached her teens the foundation was set. I didn’t micromanage her or insist she do things my way. I provided my expectations or advice and allowed her to determine the result she preferred. I trusted my molding and understood the necessity of allowing her greater latitude in her choices. You can’t gauge the soundness of the structure if you’re holding it up. You have to take your hands off.
She’s an adult now and our relationship is strong. I was estranged from God during her childhood but understood the principles of shaping souls. Leadership and vision are strengths and gifts. I don’t believe in entrusting my handling to others. Their measure of investment will rarely match my own. It’s important that children witness imperfections and the process of improvement and redemption. It provides a reference point they’ll return to.
This requires a depth of honesty and transparency that’s rarely found in religious settings. Being truthful enabled her to glimpse my humanity and allowed her to reveal the same. I am both a mother, sister, and friend. Service requires lowering. If I rest on the perch of parenthood, I’d never reach her.
In my opinion, respect and duty must be compelled. We can’t demand obeisance from adults. We earn their allegiance through the strength of our character and constancy. I never wanted a doppelganger. I desired her to pursue God’s plan for her life. But it was her choice to do so. I can’t browbeat her to do things His way.
Nor do I subscribe to human interpretations (or my own) of what it means. She must hear from Him and seek His face for guidance. What He assigns may contradict the course I had in mind or another proposed. I think it’s errant to wed ourselves to prescriptions without the Holy Spirit’s input.
