Hi Guys,
I started graduate school back in August of 2013; excited to finally be able to pursue my career in writing. Who would've known that 7 months later my close classmate who became my best friend would've died....certainly not me.
So when I finally moved out here I had the mentality I wouldn't make any friends; I was mainly more focused on getting my work complete and getting my degree, but I know having friends/support is always a bonus plus. So me and 2 other girls became acquainted with each other. One girl was from brazil, the other here in America. So the Brazilian girl and I was a bit closer because we did a lot more things together like going to jazz class, zumba, just pretty much every on-campus event. Then as time progress we all 3 became closely acquainted and served as that support for getting out assignments done. I could see us walking the stage together as we grab out degrees! So winter break happens and when I returned January 2014 I fond out the Brazilian girl was no longer coming back to the program which hit me hard! Now, when I like people, I like them hard or not. There is no in-between for me. I either like someone A LOT or I don't like them at all. That's probably why it hits me harder than it should when someone I've only known for a couple of months leaves me. But for me it's not about the distance, it's about the connection. I can only known someone for 1 month, but if we've made a connection the longevity or lack thereof doesn't mater.
So anyway, I was like ok, my friend left me to go back to Brazil, ok...i'm hurt, but i'll get over it. So eventually I did because I knew I had to continue my education. So with her leaving, this brought me and the other girl closer. Her and I eventually started to hang out a lot from going to different restaurants, to outings, laughing together, and even talking over the phone sometimes about homework or just whats going on in our lives in general. I helped her out with a lot of advice on certain things and of COURSE we talked about God. So we were both believers. I remember asking her "so who do you think will be next to leave the program?" because keep in mind like 4 people dropped out of it by time second semester started...and I remember her response as to whom it would be in our class.
Anyway......spring break comes around(april 2014)...I remember her saying she would be going home even though I wanted her to stay out here and her and I do something for spring break instead, but who am I to stop someone from seeing their family, that would be absurd right? So I figured there will be plenty of other times for us to hang, but at the same time, an uneasy feeling always lingered in me about her, but it wasn't big enough for me to say anything, I just felt the need to protect her all the time. I remember in class helping her on when to pack. Then class let out and we parted our ways. For some reason I felt something about this particular departure was "off"...... our teacher sends the class an email letting us know she had passed away on the 29th of March 2014. She went out Friday with some friends and er parents found her the next morning in her bed slumped over....she wasn't even sleep when she died.
I was hysterical, could barely stand....I was mixed with emotions, confused, hurt, empty.....my confidant, someone I saw becoming my writing partner in the future, someone who had morals, but was also fun, considerate and mature.....gone. Who would've thought that going into this program, this tragedy would be awaiting me down the road.
I've experienced loss before....but these were all older people in there 80's and 90's my grandfather and uncle. So I was a bit more at peace with it. But when the person is only 24......questions begin to fill your head: why so young? what was it about her life that God didn't allow her to graduate with her masters? God allowed us to meet for reason knowing she wouldn't have that much time left? What was I supposed to learn out of this?....did I not do something right in witnessing to her? Was I her last chance at bringing her to Christ (though she accepted Him at young age)? Should I have invited her to church when prompted to? Then the other questions...if only she didn't go home, if only spring break hadn't been this week and etc......
Basically, since she was really close to me. I've been jumping from really highs to really lows, emotionally....I know that in our life we will have trials, and this happens in life, but right now I just don't know how to cope with what happened knowing that it can't be undone. Knowing my support in the program is gone, who balanced me out as well as I did her. She was the only person I talked to in class. The only person who would pick me up to go places, sight-seeing etc...which was great because I don't have a car. I don't have friends either. None, they all just weren't good friends for me......she was the only person I could see being my friend for long term, I had no complaints. She encouraged me when I'd say something bad about myself....she was pretty much everything I'd want in a friend. She became more of a best friend in this short amount of time than any other friends I had. It's rare I meet someone that I click with like that and she was truly genuine. Right now I'm just having coping issues. I've kind of lost motivation here at the program.
They gave us grievance counselors at our class today, but they did not help me. I've never been in this situation before so it's new and obviously devastating to me. It has helped me cling even closer to God for sure, but I can't seem to stop crying and get my motivation/zeal I had when I found out I got into the school.
I started graduate school back in August of 2013; excited to finally be able to pursue my career in writing. Who would've known that 7 months later my close classmate who became my best friend would've died....certainly not me.
So when I finally moved out here I had the mentality I wouldn't make any friends; I was mainly more focused on getting my work complete and getting my degree, but I know having friends/support is always a bonus plus. So me and 2 other girls became acquainted with each other. One girl was from brazil, the other here in America. So the Brazilian girl and I was a bit closer because we did a lot more things together like going to jazz class, zumba, just pretty much every on-campus event. Then as time progress we all 3 became closely acquainted and served as that support for getting out assignments done. I could see us walking the stage together as we grab out degrees! So winter break happens and when I returned January 2014 I fond out the Brazilian girl was no longer coming back to the program which hit me hard! Now, when I like people, I like them hard or not. There is no in-between for me. I either like someone A LOT or I don't like them at all. That's probably why it hits me harder than it should when someone I've only known for a couple of months leaves me. But for me it's not about the distance, it's about the connection. I can only known someone for 1 month, but if we've made a connection the longevity or lack thereof doesn't mater.
So anyway, I was like ok, my friend left me to go back to Brazil, ok...i'm hurt, but i'll get over it. So eventually I did because I knew I had to continue my education. So with her leaving, this brought me and the other girl closer. Her and I eventually started to hang out a lot from going to different restaurants, to outings, laughing together, and even talking over the phone sometimes about homework or just whats going on in our lives in general. I helped her out with a lot of advice on certain things and of COURSE we talked about God. So we were both believers. I remember asking her "so who do you think will be next to leave the program?" because keep in mind like 4 people dropped out of it by time second semester started...and I remember her response as to whom it would be in our class.
Anyway......spring break comes around(april 2014)...I remember her saying she would be going home even though I wanted her to stay out here and her and I do something for spring break instead, but who am I to stop someone from seeing their family, that would be absurd right? So I figured there will be plenty of other times for us to hang, but at the same time, an uneasy feeling always lingered in me about her, but it wasn't big enough for me to say anything, I just felt the need to protect her all the time. I remember in class helping her on when to pack. Then class let out and we parted our ways. For some reason I felt something about this particular departure was "off"...... our teacher sends the class an email letting us know she had passed away on the 29th of March 2014. She went out Friday with some friends and er parents found her the next morning in her bed slumped over....she wasn't even sleep when she died.
I was hysterical, could barely stand....I was mixed with emotions, confused, hurt, empty.....my confidant, someone I saw becoming my writing partner in the future, someone who had morals, but was also fun, considerate and mature.....gone. Who would've thought that going into this program, this tragedy would be awaiting me down the road.
I've experienced loss before....but these were all older people in there 80's and 90's my grandfather and uncle. So I was a bit more at peace with it. But when the person is only 24......questions begin to fill your head: why so young? what was it about her life that God didn't allow her to graduate with her masters? God allowed us to meet for reason knowing she wouldn't have that much time left? What was I supposed to learn out of this?....did I not do something right in witnessing to her? Was I her last chance at bringing her to Christ (though she accepted Him at young age)? Should I have invited her to church when prompted to? Then the other questions...if only she didn't go home, if only spring break hadn't been this week and etc......
Basically, since she was really close to me. I've been jumping from really highs to really lows, emotionally....I know that in our life we will have trials, and this happens in life, but right now I just don't know how to cope with what happened knowing that it can't be undone. Knowing my support in the program is gone, who balanced me out as well as I did her. She was the only person I talked to in class. The only person who would pick me up to go places, sight-seeing etc...which was great because I don't have a car. I don't have friends either. None, they all just weren't good friends for me......she was the only person I could see being my friend for long term, I had no complaints. She encouraged me when I'd say something bad about myself....she was pretty much everything I'd want in a friend. She became more of a best friend in this short amount of time than any other friends I had. It's rare I meet someone that I click with like that and she was truly genuine. Right now I'm just having coping issues. I've kind of lost motivation here at the program.
They gave us grievance counselors at our class today, but they did not help me. I've never been in this situation before so it's new and obviously devastating to me. It has helped me cling even closer to God for sure, but I can't seem to stop crying and get my motivation/zeal I had when I found out I got into the school.
