Divorce tearing family apart

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Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#1
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#1
So long story short...My sister got married in june of 2013. By december of 2013 she had cheated on her husband and they were separated. She claims that she never wanted to get married but felt powerless telling our parents no. On the other hand she was raised better than to cheat and should know better but she isnt very religious. Here is my thing...her and my mom havent really talked since the cheating came to light...maybe january of this yhear. Im stuck in the middle because i love my sister and I love my mom. So what can i do to help them mend the fences. I've said they should both get family councilingtogether but at the same time My parents keep in far more frequent contact with the ex than with my sister and i feel part of the issue is that she cheated with an african-american(we are white) Advice please to keep our family together?
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#2
#2
Sorry this is happening :(

I don't know that You can really do much about it, if they're both unwilling to sit down together and work it out. It might help to refuse to be the middle-man, the messenger...if you're not there as a go-between, do you think they might start speaking again?

I don't know. Family fights are tough on everyone. Sorry I'm not more help :/
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#3
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#3
Your mother doesn't need counseling, she is likely just expressing her severe disappointment in your sister by not communicating with her. Parents usually try and instill some morals in their kids, so I'm sure its a complete let down for them to see your sister acting like she is. Not only did your sister cheat on her husband, she blamed her parents for her getting married in the first place? Your sister needs to grow-up and quit hurting people. Imo, your mother is correct in ignoring her until she takes some responsibility, its called tough love. You don't need to mend fences, you need to encourage your sister to pull her act together. jmo
 
K

Kerry

Guest
#4
#4
dude this a difficult thing once that trust is broken it is very hard to get it back. But God is a miracle working God. It's going to take time and prayer. they can get counseling but it will do a little good but not much. They need the cross.
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#5
#5
Nautilus said:
So long story short...My sister got married in june of 2013. By december of 2013 she had cheated on her husband and they were separated. She claims that she never wanted to get married but felt powerless telling our parents no. On the other hand she was raised better than to cheat and should know better but she isnt very religious. Here is my thing...her and my mom havent really talked since the cheating came to light...maybe january of this yhear. Im stuck in the middle because i love my sister and I love my mom. So what can i do to help them mend the fences. I've said they should both get family councilingtogether but at the same time My parents keep in far more frequent contact with the ex than with my sister and i feel part of the issue is that she cheated with an african-american(we are white) Advice please to keep our family together?
Click to expand...
It is really up to your sister to mend the fences after disrespecting her mom & husband. She is basically hiding behind her guilt and need to grow up.
 
B

BeeD

Guest
#6
#6
I don't see why any part of the issue should be what race she cheated with. You say your sister isn't very religious, it seems your mother isn't either for it to matter what the race of the other person was that she cheated with.....cheating is cheating. If it were me and my daughter cheated on her husband, I of course would be very disappointed in her but I would not hold a grudge against my own child for that and let it destroy our relationship. She did not wrong your mother, she wronged her husband, and that is for them to deal with, not your mother. Your mother should let your sister and her husband handle their own marital problems and only get involved when asked. The problem with most parents is they don't allow their grown children to be adults and to handle their own lives and problems. Once a child is grown, we are to be there when they need and ask for our support; otherwise we should butt out and let them do it themselves.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#7
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
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#7
The immoral and rebellious behavior is a symptom of a person who is against God. She needs to come to Christ and be reconciled before she can find peace and happiness in her life.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
D

dabodab

Guest
#8
#8
Maybe you could help your mom recognize the hurt she is dishing to your sister by her betrayal -- since your mom is talking to her son-in-law only. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your mom, maybe you could speak to another family member in confidence and ask them to speak to your mom about the harm you see her doing to your sister? Tell her it hurts you, too, if it hurts.

Your mom is choosing sides in a fight she cannot win or lose. Her behavior will come back and bite her in the buttocks later.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, as you clearly love your mom and sister. I have prayed for you to receive strength!

As as far as it is possible for you, love love love your sister but stay out of the fight. Don't talk nastily about your sister. Give an example to your mom.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#9
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#9
BeeD said:
I don't see why any part of the issue should be what race she cheated with. You say your sister isn't very religious, it seems your mother isn't either for it to matter what the race of the other person was that she cheated with.....cheating is cheating. If it were me and my daughter cheated on her husband, I of course would be very disappointed in her but I would not hold a grudge against my own child for that and let it destroy our relationship. She did not wrong your mother, she wronged her husband, and that is for them to deal with, not your mother. Your mother should let your sister and her husband handle their own marital problems and only get involved when asked. The problem with most parents is they don't allow their grown children to be adults and to handle their own lives and problems. Once a child is grown, we are to be there when they need and ask for our support; otherwise we should butt out and let them do it themselves.
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While I am personally with you on the race thing, both my parent grew up in the deep south during jim crow days and I think they are just stuck in that mind set. it probably doesnt help that the area they live in is about 3% non-white. They just have never had much interaction with people of other ethnicities even through their jobs.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#10
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#10
Thanks everyone for your advice(even you misscris though you didnt think you said much.) A lot of it is my mom being stubborn and expressing her hurt through avoiding my sister. It was just weird since yesterday was my moms birthday and tuesday was my sisters and while i called both of them, neither heard from the other. And being only a four person family it just seemed weird.
 
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