Gentlejohn, it has been my experience on this site that you are treated the way you treat others. Forgive me but you did come across as rude, roughtsoul gave very good replies to your original post as did chickwithsticks and you were rude to her, dismissing her help because she is a woman...so I guess you would disregard my advice for the same reasons. The way I see it you have a choice, either you seek God in your marriage or you dismiss Him - your choice but if you don't believe in Him as I suspect you may not, I have to question your reasons for being here and because we are so used to the appearance of trolls on this site you give reason for suspicion.