Emotional affair

[Divegirl]

Short and sweet. Husband is alcoholic that has sober times and other times he sneaks, drinks and lies about it. Doesn't work a lot and I feel as if I a, his mother! One thing led to another with someone at work who I see occasionally and the texting and phone calls started. Yes, he is married and obviously not a happy marriage for him either. I know it is wrong but maybe god sent him to me at this time in my life.....
i cannot let him go!

 

[Mammachickadee]

If you ''can't'' let him go, might one ask what the point is for you to be talking about it here. Couldn't it be more along the lines of your being convicted; not being willing on your own to let him go; and expecting discussion as to the validity or lack thereof of keeping him around?

 

[J-Kay-2]

Short and sweet. Husband is alcoholic that has sober times and other times he sneaks, drinks and lies about it. Doesn't work a lot and I feel as if I a, his mother! One thing led to another with someone at work who I see occasionally and the texting and phone calls started. Yes, he is married and obviously not a happy marriage for him either. I know it is wrong but maybe god sent him to me at this time in my life.....
i cannot let him go!

Let me assure you, the grass is NOT greener on other side of fence. And you
are grazing in someone else's Pasture. He may tell you he is not happy in his
marriage, and may be telling truth, but this is leading him on into temptation.
As for yourself, you need reassurance and I understand you are feeling this
from him. But, you must not continue due to the fact it does go against Gods
Word. I am sorry your home life is in the condition it is in, but please for the
Love and sake of another family, do NOT break up his home. Praying God is
going to help you out of this. Please if you love Jesus, try really hard to refrain
from contact with the man, and get into contact with Jesus every breath you take.
WE love you, we understand you, and want only to see GOOD come from this
entire situation. God be with you ~

 

[presidente]

Divegirl,

Do you hate God? Do you despise what Christ did for you?

You mentioned your husbands problems. What does that have to do with it? Adultery is a sin against God. Jesus said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments."

 

[rainin]

God didn't send someone for you to have an affair with, plain and simple. If you know it is wrong, there is no need to ask anyone else if it is wrong. If this this new man will cheat on his wife with you, he will cheat on you with someone else. Becoming involved with another man will only give you more problems than you already have. It may seem like he is there as a comfort for you now but be sure he will turn on you like a wild dog later on. When his wife and your husband find out, and they probably will, you will have even more problems. Im sure you have heard the saying, "out of the frying pan and into the fire". You are definitely playing with fire and getting burned isn't worth it. Deal with the problems with your husband and resolve them in what ever manner you see fit but don't add to the problems you already have or you will see your life go into a tail spin that you may never get under control.

 

[J-Kay-2]

Short and sweet. Husband is alcoholic that has sober times and other times he sneaks, drinks and lies about it. Doesn't work a lot and I feel as if I a, his mother! One thing led to another with someone at work who I see occasionally and the texting and phone calls started. Yes, he is married and obviously not a happy marriage for him either. I know it is wrong but maybe god sent him to me at this time in my life.....
i cannot let him go!

Dive Girl, Let me assure you none of us are perfect. But for myself I
know life can throw us some curve balls. You do need to be understood.
There is a difference between love and lust. And a need for emotional
support. I do pray you can come away from this relationship and get
counseling on how to deal with your home life.
When my daughter was in rehab and it turned my life upside down, I
was a devout Christian. I began listening to secular music, and found
myself getting lost in it, just to drown out the pain I was feeling as a
mother. It is so easy to slip away into a fantasy world. It is an escape.
Before you allow yourself go any further, please do not feel you are a
bad person, and people are acting holier than thou. We just have to
take into consideration what we do to Jesus when we go against the
Scripture He has given us to live by. I will be praying for you and I
am sure others will be too. That is what Christians do... Love and help
one another. Love In Christ ~

 

[MissCris]

Short and sweet. Husband is alcoholic that has sober times and other times he sneaks, drinks and lies about it. Doesn't work a lot and I feel as if I a, his mother! One thing led to another with someone at work who I see occasionally and the texting and phone calls started. Yes, he is married and obviously not a happy marriage for him either. I know it is wrong but maybe god sent him to me at this time in my life.....
i cannot let him go!

It's one thing to wreck your own marriage- there, you and your husband are the ones affected, the ones suffering for it, and the ones who could possibly fix it.
But to be part of wrecking someone else's marriage...whether this guy is "happily" married or not, you have no business with him- even if you weren't married yourself.

Want to add- I am not judging you. I can absolutely sympathize with how hard marriage can be, how it sometimes seems there are just no options left for solving problems with your spouse. The thing here is, if you don't want to work on things with your husband, it would be...kinder...to let him go. I'm not really an advocate for divorce, but you can't have it both ways; you can't be married and messing with this other guy, even just "emotionally". You can't be having "feelings" for another man and stay married to your husband.

You really need to figure out what it is you want to do here- stay or go. If you decide to stay, you've got to let the other man go. If you decide to leave, you still need to let the other man go because he belongs to somebody else.

I'm sorry for you, I really am. I know it's hard, either way. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[doll]

Let me assure you, the grass is NOT greener on other side of fence. And you
are grazing in someone else's Pasture. He may tell you he is not happy in his
marriage, and may be telling truth, but this is leading him on into temptation.
As for yourself, you need reassurance and I understand you are feeling this
from him. But, you must not continue due to the fact it does go against Gods
Word. I am sorry your home life is in the condition it is in, but please for the
Love and sake of another family, do NOT break up his home. Praying God is
going to help you out of this. Please if you love Jesus, try really hard to refrain
from contact with the man, and get into contact with Jesus every breath you take.
WE love you, we understand you, and want only to see GOOD come from this
entire situation. God be with you ~

Amen! She's right, don't fall into temptation. Venting to each other about your marriages is just going to bring out the worse in the both of you. Do you really want to be with someone, because you bonded over that anyway??No!!
well just let it go. Focus on what needs to be done to save the marriage you are in. God Bless you and your home.

 

[Jadeline]

*Husband and Wife Reconciliation

Shalom! May the peace of God be with you. Some 3 yrs back I requested for a prayer from this forum regarding my relationship with my husband..Dec 8 2010 when he called me on my phone(since im in Dubai working and he's left in Manila) and told me that what we had was over and done..He no longer wanted to stay in our so tiring relationship and my pride took over me and answered, "Ok, fine!" So that was it..I was so helpless and devastated..I did not know what to do...I tried to make myself look as if nothing happened..But my heart became so hard and bitterness and sadness manifested..I got tired of pulling up myself together..I remember that I have a God who is more than my problem..I surrendered everything to Him..I prayed to God to forgive me for giving up on my relationship which He entrusted to me..For letting my pride took over..And to forgive my husband for having an affair with another woman..At first I thought everything was my husband's fault, but God made me realize that I needed to make some changes in me..He taught me to remain patient in my afflictions, strong in my faith that He will handle everything and that He is in total control..Indeed God heard my prayer..Just recently my husband gave me a call and asked for forgiveness..And to my surprise, I did not find myself nagging and angry at him...I felt that I had so much love to give that I was ready to forgive him..Others might think that I was crazy but I know our Lord God can heal all hurts and wounds..That Right here and now God is ready to touch our lives to start all over..Thank you Lord...I hope that thru this nay we be a blesaing to those couples whom you have joined together..Pray and wait on the Lord!*****mystdancer50*said:2 Hours Ago

*Re: Husband and Wife Reconciliation

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Divegirl, you can give him up, and if you don't you will wish you had. There are many lives in the balance. Yourselves, spouses, children... so many lives being ruined by what you are doing. You have an emotional addiction to another man, and the way to fix that is to cut things off with him and have ZERO contact with him from this point onward. I promise you, your feelings for him will fade in a few weeks if you cut off all contact, and then you can deal with your own marriage.

The alternative? Ruining the lives of both families, "winning" for yourself a new man who you will never be able to trust (just as he will not be able to trust you), the hardships of broken families and bitter ex-families, damage to children who will carry their burdens into their adult lives and their own marriages, financial ruin, the ruin of your reputation, and most of all, a separation between you and the Lord that will be difficult to bridge.

This is not the answer, and God will never bless it. I am praying for you to make good choices that will glorify the Lord.

 

[zaoman32]

I went through this thing with my ex-wife when we were married. I caught her sending text messages to another guy who was also married. Oddly enough her thinking wasn't much different from yours. Just like you just said you feel like God brought this person into your life, my now ex actually looked me in the eye and told me the devil must really have a hold of me, because I told her I didn't want her to leave me. And she constantly tried showing me how she actually believed God was working all these things out to work for her and the person she was cheating on me with. Did things work for them? No.

Don't be so easily deceived. If what you believe God is setting up is in contradiction with His word, then it's not God. God makes His views on marriage very clearly in the bible. Do not covet thy neighbors wife (or husband), do not commit adultery. It's not complicated. You're walking down a path of deception that will lead to nothing but hurt and destruction. And to repeat MissCriss (who almost always gives wise advice) you have no business messing around while you're still married.

 

[sandtigeress]

Short and sweet. Husband is alcoholic that has sober times and other times he sneaks, drinks and lies about it. Doesn't work a lot and I feel as if I a, his mother! One thing led to another with someone at work who I see occasionally and the texting and phone calls started. Yes, he is married and obviously not a happy marriage for him either. I know it is wrong but maybe god sent him to me at this time in my life.....
i cannot let him go!

Please be carefull. There is not only your husband to be considered, but also his wife.
If you want him to stay in your life, exspecially as an emotional helper, meet his wife !
Start a friendship with both of them, so that his wife knows about you and maybe she can be a good friend too.
If you and that man only talk about relationsship issues without first own knowledge of the others spouse, that
will only lead to an emotional mirror, a person who tells you are doing right.

 

[emptymailbag]

Divegirl, you can give him up, and if you don't you will wish you had. There are many lives in the balance. Yourselves, spouses, children... so many lives being ruined by what you are doing. You have an emotional addiction to another man, and the way to fix that is to cut things off with him and have ZERO contact with him from this point onward. I promise you, your feelings for him will fade in a few weeks if you cut off all contact, and then you can deal with your own marriage.

The alternative? Ruining the lives of both families, "winning" for yourself a new man who you will never be able to trust (just as he will not be able to trust you), the hardships of broken families and bitter ex-families, damage to children who will carry their burdens into their adult lives and their own marriages, financial ruin, the ruin of your reputation, and most of all, a separation between you and the Lord that will be difficult to bridge.

This is not the answer, and God will never bless it. I am praying for you to make good choices that will glorify the Lord.

Divegirl... PLEASE listen to these wonderful people. In my own life, just within the last few days, I have been chronicling something very similar to what you are going through.

Read it here if you would like: http://christianchat.com/christian-family-forum/79258-marriage-troubles-looking-strength.html

The "short and sweet" of my experience is this...
My wife and I found walls in our marriage.
She finds another man to be with for this last year is married WITH children.
I find out almost completely by accident while fixing her old phone she gave to one of our boys.
For the last week, it has been an absolute nightmare for me, trying my absolute best to seek God's help.
She has agreed to counseling, and we are now on the road to making repairs.

The very first thing I said to her was that completely forgive the affair. I then said that she could not in any way continue contact with him, no texts, no emails, no phone calls, and needed to fully remove any and all temptations from her workplace environment as well. She was VERY upset with my request, but reluctantly agreed... and now has done so 4 or 5 days after my asking her to do so. It has relieved a HUGE amount of stress from me, and has given her the clarity of thought to see what is important.

As others have said... God would NEVER send another person who is married to be with you while you are married. He wouldn't do so with a single man while you are married either. How could He break His own commands?

Please, keep your faith and seek counseling... you BOTH need it.

Have a blessed day,
-emptymailbag

 

[J-Kay-2]

There is a saying I heard few years ago.

"If he does it with you, he will do it to you."

You have been given some awesome advice from ladies
and men. I pray you can truly break this off even though
it is going to be difficult.

One of the girls here used the right word. ADDICTION
We can be addicted to a person ~ When we think of addiction
and what it does, it means it makes you feel good and you don't
want to give it up.

May the Lord help everyone here who have known the pain and
agony of deceit. God is truly a forgiving Father, and He really
will help if we want it.

 

[Angela53510]

Please look in your Bible about adultery. Starting with Exodus 20:14

“You shall not commit adultery." One of the 10 commandments

And then Jesus, who speaks about this many times.

"But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matt 5:28

When you convince yourself of something contrary to what the Bible says, you are living in opposition to God. You are sinning. There is no nice way to put it.

While this man may seem like a lifeline, he is in fact a snare for you. Please put away all thoughts of him, and work on your marriage.

God hates divorce!

"For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:16 NASB

Please start reading your Bible, talk to your pastor, and pray for God to restore your husband. God is in the business of reconciling people and marriages. Praying for you to wake up and realize that Satan brought this man into your life, to provide the opportunity to destroy you, your family and this other man's family!

I can only think of one of my daughter-in-laws mom. She cheated on her first and second husbands with a man I'll call John. She finally started living with him the last 4 or 5 years. John went fishing to Oregon, came home and told her to get out. Then he brought his new girlfriend home with him from Oregon. That is what adultery is about. It just keeps on taking and destroying.

 

[maxwel]

Short and sweet. Husband is alcoholic that has sober times and other times he sneaks, drinks and lies about it. Doesn't work a lot and I feel as if I a, his mother! One thing led to another with someone at work who I see occasionally and the texting and phone calls started. Yes, he is married and obviously not a happy marriage for him either. I know it is wrong but maybe god sent him to me at this time in my life.....
i cannot let him go!

Divegirl,

You did NOT ask for counsel, ask for biblical advice, or ask any kind of question at all.

You merely stated that as a married women, you are currently getting into a relationship with another man, and that you already know it's wrong, and that you refuse to stop.

Well... if you just came to inform us that you're in sin, and you refuse to stop...
umm, thanks for letting us know.


If you want to stop this, and you need some bibilcal advice, then please come back and ask for help.

 

[J316Love]

*Husband and Wife Reconciliation

Shalom! May the peace of God be with you. Some 3 yrs back I requested for a prayer from this forum regarding my relationship with my husband..Dec 8 2010 when he called me on my phone(since im in Dubai working and he's left in Manila) and told me that what we had was over and done..He no longer wanted to stay in our so tiring relationship and my pride took over me and answered, "Ok, fine!" So that was it..I was so helpless and devastated..I did not know what to do...I tried to make myself look as if nothing happened..But my heart became so hard and bitterness and sadness manifested..I got tired of pulling up myself together..I remember that I have a God who is more than my problem..I surrendered everything to Him..I prayed to God to forgive me for giving up on my relationship which He entrusted to me..For letting my pride took over..And to forgive my husband for having an affair with another woman..At first I thought everything was my husband's fault, but God made me realize that I needed to make some changes in me..He taught me to remain patient in my afflictions, strong in my faith that He will handle everything and that He is in total control..Indeed God heard my prayer..Just recently my husband gave me a call and asked for forgiveness..And to my surprise, I did not find myself nagging and angry at him...I felt that I had so much love to give that I was ready to forgive him..Others might think that I was crazy but I know our Lord God can heal all hurts and wounds..That Right here and now God is ready to touch our lives to start all over..Thank you Lord...I hope that thru this nay we be a blesaing to those couples whom you have joined together..Pray and wait on the Lord!*****mystdancer50*said:2 Hours Ago

*Re: Husband and Wife Reconciliation

Amen, I agree.

Divegirl just pray and wait on God, use this time to grow closer to Him and stronger in faith. Turn all your cares and concerns over to Him for he cares for you. What you are going through is a test of your faith, be patient, talk to God about everything and trust that he will work it out for you. I'll be praying for you. God Bless.

 

[flight316]

Thank you for reaching out and sharing. I've been down this road. I will only say one thing. I was wrong and I paid for it. God bless you.

 

[Lucy68]

Yeah, all that above .

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. This is not from God but Satan who seeks to destroy. It may be 'fun' for a short while but it will most assuredly turn into dust....or a snake that will bite you.

God WILL honor you coming to Him with your hurt and frustration...not another married man. He cannot help us when we deliberately choose sin.

Praying for you....direction,guidance, and wisdom from the Holy Spirit on how to reconcile with your husband...be strong, you can do it .

 

[Mammachickadee]

Might I say that an indiscretion or wrong point of view does not give a person just cause to jump to condemning them. Having a weakness doesn't automatically mean hating God. It just means loving self.