Family break up when children are involved.

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EllaD

Guest
#21
#21
I had written you earlier but my internet when out when I hit "post" LOL. Isnt that how it works? lol. Ok, as for me my timing was a bit long. Probably a good year and a half that it was hard to see him when I did see him. He didnt come around much to see the kids because the woman he left for didnt allow it. They were a threat to her. She was very young. No kids. Wanted him to leave his life behind and not look back. In any case my love for him didnt die over night and I was willing to save my marriage much longer than most people would of tried. But as time went on, it got easier. Dispite the fact that my family and friends (all meaning well) wanted me to heal in months of losing him, I had to heal at my own pace. I think the reason it took a bit longer for me was because I fed into his mind games that were mostly done via email. I had to let that go and stand my ground. I think once I did that was when my real healing began. Its funny, if your spouse dies the support is unreal. When your spouse leaves, the pain is just as bad but people expect you to get over it quicker. A loss is a loss and grief is still grief. Give yourself time.
 
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Lndnwll

Guest
#22
#22
Thank you. I am going to PM you.
 
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EllaD

Guest
#23
#23
Got your message! I'm running my son to his dr. appt and then I will sit down and share with you some things I've learned :) I hope your having a good day!
 
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OreoSoleil

Guest
#24
#24
Been in your situation -- and I still am. I offer for my childs father to let us know when he would like to meet. He'll call and take us for breakfast or to the lake. He's pretty sporadic, but I try to make it all work.

I still love him, but I see God working in my heart and his life. But i have to just trust God as to where He takes us.

As far as the children knowing their father. I don't force it, but they do live with me. As they get older he gets the away visitation -- I'm feeding now,so the baby stays with me.

This is a tough battle and our emotions really take account in it all. But I see I am blessed with 2 beautiful girls --why God chose me - I have no clue. But He did and now I am their mommy. They're beautiful and I have to give my life to God each day.
 
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Lndnwll

Guest
#25
#25
OreoSoleil, I dont offer for him to come at all...in fact i dont even call him. I dont see the need to call him. If he wants to see his kids he can give me a call...but he also knows that he cannot come when he wants because I will not sit around and wait for him. I do love him...I am still in love with him but I am not going to force the kids on him you know...when he doesnt call for a few days, I don't either...when he doesnt come over for a week, I dont say anything about it...I actually just told him the last time he came over that I will be going back to school and will need him to help out more with the kids as far as getting them in the bed by a reasonable hour. But I dont ask for much...We dont talk...idk it is just weird that he and I were the best of friends before we ever had children, and now, we are hardly even speak...it's crazy how much things have changed. And its sad...he was my best friend...He loves his kids...and I dont want to come between the three of them...but my emotions are getting in the way...so i dont know...So as it stands now...I do not look any further than tomorrow...and what ever happens happens...I don't want the way I feel get in between the relationship my children have with their father so that means I am just going to have to deal with it. When he comes over, I will go out and give them time to each other...just find other things to do to occupy my time so that they will get to see their dad...My kids happiness comes before my own.
 
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