Feeling a need for male attention, what to do?

[Mammachickadee]

I like this very much but if you don't mind I would like to interject some advice, chickadee.
Recognize the difference between a man and a woman. Men are like oxen in a china shop, women are like butterflies. women love to vocalize things, men are mostly too prideful to.
Compliment him. Even if it's on something small. Men like that. It helps show love.
Instead of taking the complaint approach, when you notice something that he does or does not do try saying something like this: "Honeybuns, when you ignore me for long periods of time, I feel rejected and unwanted." And nothing else that puts it in his court, wait for his response. then try not to be defensive or offensive, but make suggestions that you think will solve the problem. Also, pray. Pray like your life depended on it, because it does.
I hope things work out for you. God Bless.

Thankfully the Lord has changed us both in this area. I've learned to sit down and shut up after pointing out a concern because I know that my husband requires some moments to process what he wants to say. It's not always easy, but it's such a blessing.

 

[presidente]

So, what exactly is my problem? Well, he just does not give me enough attention. He never carries conversation unless I listen to him only. He does not show interest in me or things I enjoy. We always do what he wants. He does not respect me or my wishes. I mean, he will walk in a store and let the door hit me, but stand for awkward amounts of time to hold for another woman. Which, I have brought to his attention and his response was something like, okay so I won't open the door for other women, what? Not what I meant at all. Or if I say he is so much nicer in front of people than with just me, his response is well I won't be nice to other people. What? I always explain that is not my agenda and I would like him to show chivalry to others and me.

Does this treatment lead you to be grumpy towards him? Do you smile when he walks in the door? Sometimes these kind of relationship problems turn into a cycle. He does something that irritates you, so you get cold toward him. He responds to your coldness with coldness. You snap at each other. Your ill-treatment of him feeds off his ill-treatment of you and vice versa. Saying 'you started it' doesn't solve the problem. It doesn't matter who started it. When Jesus was reviled He 'reviled not again.' You should treat your husband with love, submission, and respect even if he is harsh toward you, and he should not embitter you even if you do not treat him with love, submission, and respect.

I think you need a 'relationship reboot.' First, really, really pray about it. Pray about the changes you want God to make in Him and you. Pray to God to show you your part in your relationship problems if there are any. Pray about how to talk to your husband about it.

My wife and I have gone through times when we have been irritable with each other. This has happened during times of stress when we were moving and there was a lack of sleep, or during hormonal fluctuations like when she was in post-partum or coming off of breastfeeding and having PMS at the same time. Stress can make things difficult.

I remember one time I was off work for a week for holidays and she was on my case about using more dishes than she would like. We got irritable with each other (especially her with me, it seemed like.) I told her let's pray about it. We humbled ourselves and asked the Lord to show areas where we needed to repent. There, kneeling down, we apologized to each other, and all that resentment that had built up was gone. You can try to pray with him. If he's not a man of faith who prays, you can talk to him and apologize for all the things you've done wrong toward him, attitudes, things spoken, etc. Ask him to point out things you have done wrong that have led to the problems in your relationship (describe the problems to him), and see if he can tell you. Hopefully, if you humble yourself, he will do the same. He may not be able to list out all the things he does, like the things you posted above, off the top of his head, but if you approach him with humility and admit your own faults, when you gently point out the things he's done that hurt you, he may be more willing to listen.

As your husband you should submit to him and respect him. God knows how he designed us, and if you aren't doing that, it can cause trouble. Sometimes not doing this is subtle. If you treat him like a child, telling him what to do, telling him to wash his hands before dinner or common sense things that he knows, that can signal a lack of respect. Not asking him about decisions he should be allowed to make is not respectful or submissive. Yelling, name calling, etc. of course is not respectful. Respect him 'as unto the Lord.' Since the Lord wants you to do it, by showing him respect, in your heart you can do it out of respect for the Lord. The same goes for submission.

If you want him to talk to you, make it pleasant for him to do so. Pretty yourself up a bit before he comes home from work. Greet him at the door with a passionate kiss and tell him how happy you are to see him. Hug him for a long time like you will never let him go. Offer him a drink he likes that you just made (e.g. lemonade, tea, etc.) Bring it to him the way he likes it (e.g. with ice, hot, etc.) Bring him a snack he likes if he's hungry. Ask him if he'd like to sit down in a comfortable chair. Sit down on the floor, hug his knees, and start talking to him. This is a very non-threatening position. You aren't interrogating him. You are adoring him. If you've forgiven each other for all your past wrongs and cleared the air from not getting along, he may open up to you.

I feel, I have to constantly bring me to his attention and even that does not help much. The only time he thinks of me is when he needs to have sex. That attention lasts for like three days at the most. Then I get zip for attention and interaction for like three weeks

If you had sex with him every three days, for about three weeks out of the month, would he go for that? Is the three-week thing his choice? If a man's wife turns him down, the rejection can tempt him to feel cold toward her. The three week comment suggest that that it isn't you whose turning him down. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking, "He only wants me for sex. He doesn't love me. He only wants to use me." Most newly weds who are madly in love don't think that way. Sex is a way to show your love for him, and if you show him love, it may be easier for him to appreciate and reciprocate.

I find myself wishing that some man would show interest in me, so I could have a man's companionship and friendship. I have never gotten along well with women. I know that my wanting another man's attention is WRONG, but I am a stay at home mom, I do not have any friends, but him and I have been neglected for years and want some attention.

Work on fixing things with your husband. When you were dating or newly weds, did he ever meet your emotional needs for attention? If he did, he can do it again. If not, it's an area he can work on. You can also pray and ask the Lord to help you meet your emotional needs. Don't go looking for an emotional boyfriend. These things often starts as emotional.

 

[presidente]

Thankfully the Lord has changed us both in this area. I've learned to sit down and shut up after pointing out a concern because I know that my husband requires some moments to process what he wants to say. It's not always easy, but it's such a blessing.

That's a good point. If my wife has an area of concern about me personally, it is difficult if she goes on for five minutes when she could just say it in the 30 seconds and let me think about it.

 

[answers]

Does this treatment lead you to be grumpy towards him? Do you smile when he walks in the door? Sometimes these kind of relationship problems turn into a cycle. He does something that irritates you, so you get cold toward him. He responds to your coldness with coldness. You snap at each other. Your ill-treatment of him feeds off his ill-treatment of you and vice versa. Saying 'you started it' doesn't solve the problem. It doesn't matter who started it. When Jesus was reviled He 'reviled not again.' You should treat your husband with love, submission, and respect even if he is harsh toward you, and he should not embitter you even if you do not treat him with love, submission, and respect.

I think you need a 'relationship reboot.' First, really, really pray about it. Pray about the changes you want God to make in Him and you. Pray to God to show you your part in your relationship problems if there are any. Pray about how to talk to your husband about it.

My wife and I have gone through times when we have been irritable with each other. This has happened during times of stress when we were moving and there was a lack of sleep, or during hormonal fluctuations like when she was in post-partum or coming off of breastfeeding and having PMS at the same time. Stress can make things difficult.

I remember one time I was off work for a week for holidays and she was on my case about using more dishes than she would like. We got irritable with each other (especially her with me, it seemed like.) I told her let's pray about it. We humbled ourselves and asked the Lord to show areas where we needed to repent. There, kneeling down, we apologized to each other, and all that resentment that had built up was gone. You can try to pray with him. If he's not a man of faith who prays, you can talk to him and apologize for all the things you've done wrong toward him, attitudes, things spoken, etc. Ask him to point out things you have done wrong that have led to the problems in your relationship (describe the problems to him), and see if he can tell you. Hopefully, if you humble yourself, he will do the same. He may not be able to list out all the things he does, like the things you posted above, off the top of his head, but if you approach him with humility and admit your own faults, when you gently point out the things he's done that hurt you, he may be more willing to listen.

As your husband you should submit to him and respect him. God knows how he designed us, and if you aren't doing that, it can cause trouble. Sometimes not doing this is subtle. If you treat him like a child, telling him what to do, telling him to wash his hands before dinner or common sense things that he knows, that can signal a lack of respect. Not asking him about decisions he should be allowed to make is not respectful or submissive. Yelling, name calling, etc. of course is not respectful. Respect him 'as unto the Lord.' Since the Lord wants you to do it, by showing him respect, in your heart you can do it out of respect for the Lord. The same goes for submission.

If you want him to talk to you, make it pleasant for him to do so. Pretty yourself up a bit before he comes home from work. Greet him at the door with a passionate kiss and tell him how happy you are to see him. Hug him for a long time like you will never let him go. Offer him a drink he likes that you just made (e.g. lemonade, tea, etc.) Bring it to him the way he likes it (e.g. with ice, hot, etc.) Bring him a snack he likes if he's hungry. Ask him if he'd like to sit down in a comfortable chair. Sit down on the floor, hug his knees, and start talking to him. This is a very non-threatening position. You aren't interrogating him. You are adoring him. If you've forgiven each other for all your past wrongs and cleared the air from not getting along, he may open up to you.




If you had sex with him every three days, for about three weeks out of the month, would he go for that? Is the three-week thing his choice? If a man's wife turns him down, the rejection can tempt him to feel cold toward her. The three week comment suggest that that it isn't you whose turning him down. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking, "He only wants me for sex. He doesn't love me. He only wants to use me." Most newly weds who are madly in love don't think that way. Sex is a way to show your love for him, and if you show him love, it may be easier for him to appreciate and reciprocate.



Work on fixing things with your husband. When you were dating or newly weds, did he ever meet your emotional needs for attention? If he did, he can do it again. If not, it's an area he can work on. You can also pray and ask the Lord to help you meet your emotional needs. Don't go looking for an emotional boyfriend. These things often starts as emotional.

Everything you said I 100% believe in. My problem is I have been doing this for years and have still not been noticed. I am tired now and I have felt extremely weak for the last 3-4 years and more so the last year.

If I complain, I try to pick a good time and I am delicate in my word choice too. I have even stood before him naked and tried to talk when he was being very hurtful prior to my desperate action. Sorry he did not stay mad and it lightened his mood.

Lately, I feel like being more grumpy, but he does not seem to notice if I am happy, sad, mad, frustrated, and so on. I usually just go through the motions, like a zombie. I used to stop everything the minute he came home to greet him and listen to him talk about his day, but recently I have intentionally not done that to see if he would complain or care and he has not said anything about it or any other subtle changes I have made.

Sometimes I wish we would snap at each other if it would be productive. (Not really, cause I would instigate if that were completely truthful) I grew up with two parents who were fighters, I actually am the opposite. I will smooth things over at all costs. I wish I was the nagging type, so he would not live like I am not here. I am sure I am making this seem like a huge thing, but I am just not happy and I am writing from where my emotions remain. Puke!

If he ever put the energy or thought into me, all my feelings would go away. I love him way too much to hold something not significant to me. Humbling me is a great thing. When I used to get in a snobby mood, he would either say something sarcastic or smile and say I love you, and I instantly could snap out of it.


I am sure I have said for him to do or not to do some common sense stuff, but I certainly do not treat him like a child. (Although sometimes I wish I could) I have never yelled at him. I do cater to him. I make and serve him his drinks and food.

The sex thing is his doing. I have never turned him away.

Thanks for your help. I really need to stop being tired and find a way to be me again. All these responses are helping to empower me. Thanks to everyone!

 

[Lucy68]

Are you both still going to Christian counseling? There seems to be a lot of issues involved in your relationship that only someone who has talked to you both extensively could offer sound advice.

Since it's impossible to change your husband if he doesn't want to change, the only thing you can really do is to change you. I mean in terms of your own emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Sometimes, moms and wives become so involved in being moms and wives that we forget how to take care of ourselves at the same time. This may not be what you're dealing with, so if it isn't then disregard this .

I found myself in this pit a couple of years ago. I was miserable and blaming my husband and my circumstances. But Paul says a life in Christ makes us happy in ALL circumstances. So I really believe that when we change our outlook, our attitude, and practice gratitude,we will then experience a full life...no matter what anyone close to us does or doesn't do.

In my pit, my self-respect was at zero. So I started working on that. Joyce Meyer's book "Battlefield of the Mind" helped me to change my attitude. I also started exercising and eating right. This may seem silly but I also started wearing makeup again and coloring my hair . I lost weight and my husband started telling me when I 'looked nice'. It's a sad fact of human nature but people respond well to nice-looking people. I also started smiling more....people really do gravitate toward smiling people. And that smile eventually worked it's way down deep. My attitude and my gratitude are greatly improved. And thus my self-respect is much better.

I do not look to my husband for my validation anymore (or not much anyway), I look at my relationship with Christ as my most important relationship. And I'm satisfied that I am doing all that I can to take care of this 'temple' so that I can be content with it. I still have some poundage to lose, but I'm working on it, and as I successfully keep that goal in mind, my self respect is healthier.

Again, this may not be where you are at and so just ignore everything I said . But I do think our self-identity is important and if we don't know who we are, many things will be confusing. Knowing and understanding the truth largely involves knowing ourselves. And this is a life-long process .

Sorry this is long and probably TMI . Praying for you...that Christ reveals you to you and guides you into abundant living..even if your husband doesn't want to join you on the journey.

 

[answers]

Are you both still going to Christian counseling? There seems to be a lot of issues involved in your relationship that only someone who has talked to you both extensively could offer sound advice.

Since it's impossible to change your husband if he doesn't want to change, the only thing you can really do is to change you. I mean in terms of your own emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Sometimes, moms and wives become so involved in being moms and wives that we forget how to take care of ourselves at the same time. This may not be what you're dealing with, so if it isn't then disregard this .

I found myself in this pit a couple of years ago. I was miserable and blaming my husband and my circumstances. But Paul says a life in Christ makes us happy in ALL circumstances. So I really believe that when we change our outlook, our attitude, and practice gratitude,we will then experience a full life...no matter what anyone close to us does or doesn't do.

In my pit, my self-respect was at zero. So I started working on that. Joyce Meyer's book "Battlefield of the Mind" helped me to change my attitude. I also started exercising and eating right. This may seem silly but I also started wearing makeup again and coloring my hair . I lost weight and my husband started telling me when I 'looked nice'. It's a sad fact of human nature but people respond well to nice-looking people. I also started smiling more....people really do gravitate toward smiling people. And that smile eventually worked it's way down deep. My attitude and my gratitude are greatly improved. And thus my self-respect is much better.

I do not look to my husband for my validation anymore (or not much anyway), I look at my relationship with Christ as my most important relationship. And I'm satisfied that I am doing all that I can to take care of this 'temple' so that I can be content with it. I still have some poundage to lose, but I'm working on it, and as I successfully keep that goal in mind, my self respect is healthier.

Again, this may not be where you are at and so just ignore everything I said . But I do think our self-identity is important and if we don't know who we are, many things will be confusing. Knowing and understanding the truth largely involves knowing ourselves. And this is a life-long process .

Sorry this is long and probably TMI . Praying for you...that Christ reveals you to you and guides you into abundant living..even if your husband doesn't want to join you on the journey.

Thank you very much!

 

[Hungry]

Answers, you sound like my wife a few years back in many regards. I can't put my finger on how it started, slowly I'm sure. We were so busy with our kids and their activities we never spent any quality time together. Whenever we did have some alone time she wanted me to pamper her a bit. Being already exhausted I would make dinner nothing simple, then clean up, then she would appreciate a full body rub then cuddle while we watched some stupid show I could care less about. Often there wasn't much to talk about but this is the kind of night she wanted so I gave it to her. She always seemed so distracted with the kids stuff I never asked for anything for me. Time took its toll and although I still loved my wife I wouldn't say I was in love with her. We just kind of let our interests take us in other directions. Eventually it got to the point that she would often be angry and bitter, I thought she was going crazy and hormonal. I didn't realize that she was just hurt that I didn't pay any attention to her. In my defense our time together often ended in fighting so sadly I distanced myself from her further. One night it all came to a head. Everything she bottled up inside exploded and I think it was her idea but a decision was made that I was leaving. The kids were crying she was screaming, doors were banging. Later on that night I was angry but I remember I was praying that God would give me strength through this separation but He had something different in mind. My wife came to me with tears in her eyes just asking me to hold her. I was reminded of her fragility and tenderness. We embraced and had the first meaningful conversation in years. Since then we communicate better and our relationship is now better than it ever was. I don't know where I'd be physically or spiritually if we had separated and I'm elated it didn't come to that. I pray that you can find your husband's love language to communicate with him. It might be strange but for me someone to cook and clean for me is not nessesary, it's not even sex that makes me feel loved. When a woman has confidence in me and if I said tomorrow I'm quitting my job and starting my own company. If her response is, you should I bet you would do awesome. To me that's sexy. Odd but true. Find your husband's center, what makes him tick. Then you will speak his language. You mentioned he works out. Tell him you noticed his chest is getting chissled, or he's got a sexy stomach. If that's his thing he might ask you to go out for dinner that night. May God bless your marriage and both of you rekindle the love of your youth.

 

[Share55]

Hello,

I have been married for my entire adult life and the vast majority has not been in a a marriage where we are one. He was an only child and I was the oldest, so needless to say I care and give and he takes and lives obliviously. We have gone to marriage counseling. We share three kids.


So, what exactly is my problem? Well, he just does not give me enough attention. He never carries conversation unless I listen to him only. He does not show interest in me or things I enjoy. We always do what he wants. He does not respect me or my wishes. I mean, he will walk in a store and let the door hit me, but stand for awkward amounts of time to hold for another woman. Which, I have brought to his attention and his response was something like, okay so I won't open the door for other women, what? Not what I meant at all. Or if I say he is so much nicer in front of people than with just me, his response is well I won't be nice to other people. What? I always explain that is not my agenda and I would like him to show chivalry to others and me.

I feel, I have to constantly bring me to his attention and even that does not help much. The only time he thinks of me is when he needs to have sex. That attention lasts for like three days at the most. Then I get zip for attention and interaction for like three weeks

I find myself wishing that some man would show interest in me, so I could have a man's companionship and friendship. I have never gotten along well with women. I know that my wanting another man's attention is WRONG, but I am a stay at home mom, I do not have any friends, but him and I have been neglected for years and want some attention. Nothing physical, just communication, and friendship. Any suggestions? I pray for this regularly and cannot seem to find answers. I have told my husband all this and he does not say anything about it.

I cannot live the rest of my life closed up, I am losing me in this journey. I do not want to be a zombie going through the motions. Help.....

Thanks to you all for taking the time to read my ridiculous plea for attention.

** Entire adult life so I'm guessing quite a number of years and you have allowed yourself to be treated like a doormat for so long?
Being christian doesn't mean you allow others to walk all over you. Pray and ask God to help you and don't tolerate it. You are human and by jove I would be right where you are now if I did.
I was married to an only child and it was very taxing for his wanting everything his way but if it really meant a lot to me, I walked away and told him I'd see him at home because what I wanted was very important. sometime he would follow and enjoy where we were or else he would end up staying home because he couldn't handle the complex of being on his own. Having a mate for an only child sometimes bolsters their ego to a power trip and left unchecked we end up with your scenario.

Of course your life revolves around each other but get out and make friends, volunteer as there are a lot of groups, soup kitchens, free stores, elders, teens etc that cry for help. It is time your spouse grew up and got over himself but do so with love. He may balk at it for a while but when he sees you blossom he should fall even more so deeply in love with you.
Get off the wall flower and get into the garden

Hugs, love and prayers <3
ps don't ask, argue or leave it open for his decision. Let him witness your transformation first else you may get chained down. We all need to do things smartly & maybe a lil bit devious but if it is for good where can it be wrong?

 

[tiffanystx]

So much comes to mind, but to simply put it, if you feel you've done absolutely everything on your end to help the marriage, you either stay and remain faithful, or leave and start a new life. I believe in working hard to save a marriage, but I do not believe God expects us to be absolutely miserable for the rest of our lives, with someone who sounds to have little to no redeeming qualities (per your description) Best of luck.

 

[answers]

Answers, you sound like my wife a few years back in many regards. I can't put my finger on how it started, slowly I'm sure. We were so busy with our kids and their activities we never spent any quality time together. Whenever we did have some alone time she wanted me to pamper her a bit. Being already exhausted I would make dinner nothing simple, then clean up, then she would appreciate a full body rub then cuddle while we watched some stupid show I could care less about. Often there wasn't much to talk about but this is the kind of night she wanted so I gave it to her. She always seemed so distracted with the kids stuff I never asked for anything for me. Time took its toll and although I still loved my wife I wouldn't say I was in love with her. We just kind of let our interests take us in other directions. Eventually it got to the point that she would often be angry and bitter, I thought she was going crazy and hormonal. I didn't realize that she was just hurt that I didn't pay any attention to her. In my defense our time together often ended in fighting so sadly I distanced myself from her further. One night it all came to a head. Everything she bottled up inside exploded and I think it was her idea but a decision was made that I was leaving. The kids were crying she was screaming, doors were banging. Later on that night I was angry but I remember I was praying that God would give me strength through this separation but He had something different in mind. My wife came to me with tears in her eyes just asking me to hold her. I was reminded of her fragility and tenderness. We embraced and had the first meaningful conversation in years. Since then we communicate better and our relationship is now better than it ever was. I don't know where I'd be physically or spiritually if we had separated and I'm elated it didn't come to that. I pray that you can find your husband's love language to communicate with him. It might be strange but for me someone to cook and clean for me is not nessesary, it's not even sex that makes me feel loved. When a woman has confidence in me and if I said tomorrow I'm quitting my job and starting my own company. If her response is, you should I bet you would do awesome. To me that's sexy. Odd but true. Find your husband's center, what makes him tick. Then you will speak his language. You mentioned he works out. Tell him you noticed his chest is getting chissled, or he's got a sexy stomach. If that's his thing he might ask you to go out for dinner that night. May God bless your marriage and both of you rekindle the love of your youth.

I used to be real good at this type of interaction with him, but since getting exhausted emotionally and mentally, I flat out stink! This is part of what I tell him I am losing in myself during this all. Before, I would say I was best at words of affirmation.

I do tend to his needs and serve him, because he likes that (kinda expects it). I am not a full blown acts of services type, so I mainly do for him. He enjoys physical touch, and that is another thing I need to improve in. I am not a physical touch person outside the bedroom. I have to intentionally think to do this or I will forget.

I will continue to think about this further, thank you greatly!

 

[answers]

** Entire adult life so I'm guessing quite a number of years and you have allowed yourself to be treated like a doormat for so long?
Being christian doesn't mean you allow others to walk all over you. Pray and ask God to help you and don't tolerate it. You are human and by jove I would be right where you are now if I did.
I was married to an only child and it was very taxing for his wanting everything his way but if it really meant a lot to me, I walked away and told him I'd see him at home because what I wanted was very important. sometime he would follow and enjoy where we were or else he would end up staying home because he couldn't handle the complex of being on his own. Having a mate for an only child sometimes bolsters their ego to a power trip and left unchecked we end up with your scenario.

Of course your life revolves around each other but get out and make friends, volunteer as there are a lot of groups, soup kitchens, free stores, elders, teens etc that cry for help. It is time your spouse grew up and got over himself but do so with love. He may balk at it for a while but when he sees you blossom he should fall even more so deeply in love with you.
Get off the wall flower and get into the garden

Hugs, love and prayers <3
ps don't ask, argue or leave it open for his decision. Let him witness your transformation first else you may get chained down. We all need to do things smartly & maybe a lil bit devious but if it is for good where can it be wrong?

Yes, I have been with him continuously since I was sixteen. I did tons of volunteering before my last child, but really none since with the exception of coaching soccer. He is now three. He is a very demanding child, so everything in that regard has been postponed. I do have many things I would like to do, and some I started and he was not very assuring and I dropped them. I wanted to write children's stories, so I wrote a few. I attempted to share them and he did not even patronize by listening. There are so many I wish he had moments, that it just got to me. For many years, I could sympathize and disregard the importance of the stuff, and now I would like to be heard, significant, respected, and encouraged. Someday....

Thank you for your volunteering ideas.

 

[answers]

So much comes to mind, but to simply put it, if you feel you've done absolutely everything on your end to help the marriage, you either stay and remain faithful, or leave and start a new life. I believe in working hard to save a marriage, but I do not believe God expects us to be absolutely miserable for the rest of our lives, with someone who sounds to have little to no redeeming qualities (per your description) Best of luck.

I do not mean to sound like he does not have good qualities, I am just complaining of areas that hurt me. I merely, want ideas to work on and motivation to get back in the groove of fighting. I do plan to be with my husband for the rest of my life, I just want him to become my friend again and a respectful, in tune husband. Thank you for responding.

 

[answers]

Are you both still going to Christian counseling? There seems to be a lot of issues involved in your relationship that only someone who has talked to you both extensively could offer sound advice.

Since it's impossible to change your husband if he doesn't want to change, the only thing you can really do is to change you. I mean in terms of your own emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Sometimes, moms and wives become so involved in being moms and wives that we forget how to take care of ourselves at the same time. This may not be what you're dealing with, so if it isn't then disregard this .

I found myself in this pit a couple of years ago. I was miserable and blaming my husband and my circumstances. But Paul says a life in Christ makes us happy in ALL circumstances. So I really believe that when we change our outlook, our attitude, and practice gratitude,we will then experience a full life...no matter what anyone close to us does or doesn't do.

In my pit, my self-respect was at zero. So I started working on that. Joyce Meyer's book "Battlefield of the Mind" helped me to change my attitude. I also started exercising and eating right. This may seem silly but I also started wearing makeup again and coloring my hair . I lost weight and my husband started telling me when I 'looked nice'. It's a sad fact of human nature but people respond well to nice-looking people. I also started smiling more....people really do gravitate toward smiling people. And that smile eventually worked it's way down deep. My attitude and my gratitude are greatly improved. And thus my self-respect is much better.

I do not look to my husband for my validation anymore (or not much anyway), I look at my relationship with Christ as my most important relationship. And I'm satisfied that I am doing all that I can to take care of this 'temple' so that I can be content with it. I still have some poundage to lose, but I'm working on it, and as I successfully keep that goal in mind, my self respect is healthier.

Again, this may not be where you are at and so just ignore everything I said . But I do think our self-identity is important and if we don't know who we are, many things will be confusing. Knowing and understanding the truth largely involves knowing ourselves. And this is a life-long process .

Sorry this is long and probably TMI . Praying for you...that Christ reveals you to you and guides you into abundant living..even if your husband doesn't want to join you on the journey.

Sorry for my vague response, I was in a hurry. We are no longer going to counseling. He thought we were doing good. We are overdue for a tune-up. I can find something that could apply to me in just about anything. I am a VERY deep thinker and self analyze frequently. So, thanks again.

 

[Lucy68]

Raising a family is stressful....and exhausting in many ways. I dreaded the so-called 'empty-nest syndrome' but honestly, I enjoy my children being grown and on their own. I feel like I have my life back; not that it was wasted in raising children, but I can focus more on myself (hopefully, not too much) and my husband. Our relationship is so much better now. So give yourselves a little slack and keep in mind that things change.