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A
Read this men and women: you crush the dreams, the trust, and the emotions of the person who risked everything to love you when you commit adultery and replace them with real disappointment, raw emotion, and pain.
But whether quickly or slowly, Nicky will process those raw emotions, recover from the disappointment and pain given to her, and launch out once more to an even better future.
One day at a time Nicky. I can tell you that when I first started following the Lord ALL of my friends rejected me. I had to start completely over from scratch and I was a somebody in my old life. I took that in stride.
It was the Christian friends that kicked me to the curb as they realized success after using me as a step ladder to get there that hurt. But I handled it by resetting my expectations regarding them, doing a personal inventory and setting new goals, building a support group around me of new people that I could talk about it with, and coming to understand how much God loves me (even when people don't or life hands lemons). Time does the rest. One day at a time. Easy does it. Just take it one day at a time and easy does it.
But whether quickly or slowly, Nicky will process those raw emotions, recover from the disappointment and pain given to her, and launch out once more to an even better future.
One day at a time Nicky. I can tell you that when I first started following the Lord ALL of my friends rejected me. I had to start completely over from scratch and I was a somebody in my old life. I took that in stride.
It was the Christian friends that kicked me to the curb as they realized success after using me as a step ladder to get there that hurt. But I handled it by resetting my expectations regarding them, doing a personal inventory and setting new goals, building a support group around me of new people that I could talk about it with, and coming to understand how much God loves me (even when people don't or life hands lemons). Time does the rest. One day at a time. Easy does it. Just take it one day at a time and easy does it.
H
Your husband needs help. He has cheated twice and will continue if he doesn't get understanding about what COMMITMENT is all about. When you get married, you may not always be in love but the bond is there just like you have a bond with siblings even when you're angry with them. It isn't other women's behavior that you should be worried about, but your husbands. If he really wants to get healing and learn what true commitment is about "WHATEVER IT TAKES" with Paul and Jenny Speed.
T
Your story touched me and really called out to me. I was once "the other woman" and you know, at that point in my life I was at the lowest, I was insecure, unloved by my husband (or so I thought) and the moment another man gave me that 'attention' I fell and became what I so much despise.
I can't say what you should do, but both your husband and the other woman is to blame.
When I got caught I had to leave everything I knew, because I could not face the man's wife, or the community. I felt so dirty and so horrible! More than ever foolish and used because when it came to light he turned away from me and ran to his wife. And RIGHTLY so - that was where he belonged - he said a vow to her, I said a vow to MY husband. I had no place to interfere
But it was by my own choice that I broke the law of God and for that I had to seek forgiveness, and trust me it was the hardest darkest time of my life.
But.... the fact that This girl is callous enough to return to the same church shows that she has NO remorse and I'm sorry but that's just wrong in my opinion and the leadership of the church must take that stand and assist you. And your husband MUST also understand that he's on strike 2 and although I'm NOT for divorce in any way, I feel that if a man is going to constantly "make that mistake" he needs help and serious prayer. If I was ever faced with this same predicament in my life, and I ever did this to my husband a second time I'd EXPECT him to kick me out and cut ties with me. Thank the Lord I've grown in faith and my husband and I have grown together in God and we FOUND God and made him our center. WE have found a new love that ONLY God could have put there.
Its unfortunately a LONG way to recovery, and Trust is not easily recovered, but GOD can work miracles, HOPE is what you need, HOPE and Prayer.
I wish you the best Nicky and I pray that God will guide you through this.
Regards
From the FOW (Former Other Woman)
I can't say what you should do, but both your husband and the other woman is to blame.
When I got caught I had to leave everything I knew, because I could not face the man's wife, or the community. I felt so dirty and so horrible! More than ever foolish and used because when it came to light he turned away from me and ran to his wife. And RIGHTLY so - that was where he belonged - he said a vow to her, I said a vow to MY husband. I had no place to interfere
But it was by my own choice that I broke the law of God and for that I had to seek forgiveness, and trust me it was the hardest darkest time of my life.But.... the fact that This girl is callous enough to return to the same church shows that she has NO remorse and I'm sorry but that's just wrong in my opinion and the leadership of the church must take that stand and assist you. And your husband MUST also understand that he's on strike 2 and although I'm NOT for divorce in any way, I feel that if a man is going to constantly "make that mistake" he needs help and serious prayer. If I was ever faced with this same predicament in my life, and I ever did this to my husband a second time I'd EXPECT him to kick me out and cut ties with me. Thank the Lord I've grown in faith and my husband and I have grown together in God and we FOUND God and made him our center. WE have found a new love that ONLY God could have put there.
Its unfortunately a LONG way to recovery, and Trust is not easily recovered, but GOD can work miracles, HOPE is what you need, HOPE and Prayer.
I wish you the best Nicky and I pray that God will guide you through this.
Regards
From the FOW (Former Other Woman)
C
Do you think that you husband bear some measure of guilt in this matter? Loyalty to a chrisitan is a Biblical requirement for married couples. Jesus said that "a man will leave his mother and father and stick to his wife" (Matthewe 9:5,6) Nothing can be bought unless if is for sale!!! True loyalty and integrity is not for sale at any price!! Regardless of the temptation!
We truly need to know the family of the spouse we are marrying from ey, see the patterns and everything.!!.
But i am very sorry for your Nicky, and you have made a wise decision doing what you did, right now just strengthen your relationship with GOD and He is Jehovah Jireh, trust Him for sustanance..
The Lord is coming.
But i am very sorry for your Nicky, and you have made a wise decision doing what you did, right now just strengthen your relationship with GOD and He is Jehovah Jireh, trust Him for sustanance..
The Lord is coming.
L
Very sorry to read your story Nicky. Everyone has a different opinion about how to handle such a situation. Getting the problem out into the LIGHT is important because the enemy (satan) can keep working in the darkness. Sounds like your husband's family has this as an on going issue that has not been exposed to the light for many generations.
I was sorry to read you left the house. He should have left and been made to be uprooted -not you. And also you seem to be very dependent on him especially not having a drivers license. Leaving is not always the answer without a doubt. It can make the healing harder to be uprooted from your familiar day to day life.
There have been marraiges healed of this type of cheating Nicky so it is not impossible for a "serial" adulterer to be healed. Accountability is a major key and your husband sounds like he is not accountable. The sin has been kept a secret and he seems to have the ability to still go to church without everyone knowing. For his own healing and to stop any other young woman from falling prey to his addictions, his known behavior should be exposed. Forgiveness and healing can occur as he is forced to deal with his issues. And the church will have the opportunity to also deal with issues of forgiving and dealing with sin in the light.
Counseling from a trained christian counselor is NEEDED. Learned behavior can be healed and changed. Repentence means "change of mind" With men this is impossible but with God all things are possible.
One day at a time. When I left my home it made my healing more difficult. Re learning how to be at home somewhere besides my OWN home was difficult. If i could have done it over, i would have stayed home and not given our house up. At the time i didn't think i could stay but later wished i had. Making decisions when we are emotional is never a good idea and is often regretted later when we are more able to relax with calmer thinking. (being around your church family loved and cared about, not leaving in shame since you did not commit adultery but your husband did)
As you have access to a computer, go to youtube and listen to Pastor Jimmy Evans. He has dealt with this and many other marraige issues. Atleast until u get a good counselor of your own to walk through the trust issues. How to be able to trust yourself to trust people. It is a looong journey. Learning to live all over again is not easy. Before you get a divorce, i hope your husband and you get some help to see if your marraige can be saved.
I'm praying for you too Nicky.
I was sorry to read you left the house. He should have left and been made to be uprooted -not you. And also you seem to be very dependent on him especially not having a drivers license. Leaving is not always the answer without a doubt. It can make the healing harder to be uprooted from your familiar day to day life.
There have been marraiges healed of this type of cheating Nicky so it is not impossible for a "serial" adulterer to be healed. Accountability is a major key and your husband sounds like he is not accountable. The sin has been kept a secret and he seems to have the ability to still go to church without everyone knowing. For his own healing and to stop any other young woman from falling prey to his addictions, his known behavior should be exposed. Forgiveness and healing can occur as he is forced to deal with his issues. And the church will have the opportunity to also deal with issues of forgiving and dealing with sin in the light.
Counseling from a trained christian counselor is NEEDED. Learned behavior can be healed and changed. Repentence means "change of mind" With men this is impossible but with God all things are possible.
One day at a time. When I left my home it made my healing more difficult. Re learning how to be at home somewhere besides my OWN home was difficult. If i could have done it over, i would have stayed home and not given our house up. At the time i didn't think i could stay but later wished i had. Making decisions when we are emotional is never a good idea and is often regretted later when we are more able to relax with calmer thinking. (being around your church family loved and cared about, not leaving in shame since you did not commit adultery but your husband did)
As you have access to a computer, go to youtube and listen to Pastor Jimmy Evans. He has dealt with this and many other marraige issues. Atleast until u get a good counselor of your own to walk through the trust issues. How to be able to trust yourself to trust people. It is a looong journey. Learning to live all over again is not easy. Before you get a divorce, i hope your husband and you get some help to see if your marraige can be saved.
I'm praying for you too Nicky.
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B
My heart breaks for you in this moment, as there are so many similarities to our lives. I married the love of my life at 20 and 3 months ago he left me to be with someone else. He wants nothing to do with me and is demanding a divorce- his reasons are different then just sex which almost makes it more difficult but nonetheless sinful. The first thing that popped into my head as I was reading your story was just fear for you- how is a man so heavily involved with church and leadership able to fall this hard? It really scares me that his heart may not truly be for Jesus- and until that happens, I don't know that any marriage can really recover from such a situation. I don't advocate divorce, but I really think God needs to bring your husband to the end of himself and I just don't know what it will take for that to happen. Your steadfast love and faithfulness may be enough or you may have to step back and allow your husband to fall hard and only have God to pick him up. I don't know what the answer is for you (or myself really) but I do know that God wants to show us the way so keep praying, don't give up. I know I have days (most of them actually) where heaven is where I want to be because my life is so far from what I wanted but I do not want to disappoint God- I want to honor Him and honoring Him means trusting Him. No matter what the circumstances may be. Seek God heavily, wrap your mind in His word and His promises, and continue to be the woman that God made you to be. That other woman is simply the devil's puppet and she's winning every time you give her an ounce of your energy. I am so sorry you are going through this. I will be praying for you and your husband.
K
My Dear Sister, I am sorry for the pain that you have been living with. I totally understand your feelings and how this would have blown your world apart. But don't let satan win. The other girl has just been used as a pawn in an evil plot. Send God's Blessings to her and then you sit back and watch Him work. Revenge is the Lord's. This really works. Put on the Armour of God, stay as close to God as you possibly can. When negative feeling pop into your head, as they will, start praising Jesus. the enemy is defeated when we praise Him. Please continue talking to your Pastor yes I know they are busy but they are there for you in times like this. If you are still in a depressed state with self harming thoughts you may need to see a doctor. never ever forget you were made by God and my God doesn't make rubbish. You are beautiful in every way. God Bless you and may He put really supportive people around you.
