Female Cousin Problems

[FSUBoy966]

My female cousin, who should probably go unnamed in this thread, is 20 and is moving into an apartment at college. No big deal, right?
The problem comes when she told me that she's getting an apartment with her male friend, Robby. Now, I've known Robby for a long time, and he and my cousin are very close. I always thought they were dating but they never made it official. Now, all of a sudden, Robby tells me that he is gay and that he and my cousin are living together b/c they're so close.
If you know anything about me, you know I have NO problem with gays at all, my best friend is gay. This isn't a "gay sin" thing. I'm worried b/c somewhere inside of me I feel like they're both lying to me, and that he's not gay at all. Now, two platonic friends of the opposite sex living together isn't really a big deal to me, it happens all the time in college and rarely turns sexual or even romantic. I'm worried b/c of how close they are, and the fact that he is probably not gay even though he's been telling me this. My real concern here is that she has to lie to the whole family and tell us that her "gay friend" and her are moving in together, when I have a bad feeling it's her lover/boyfriend.

What do I do?

 

[grace]

Well....leave it to me to state the obvious...but have you just confronted her?

I did this with my former husbands sister. There were all these *family rumors* and gossip going around I could not take it anymore....so I drove 10 hours to Myrtle beach and had a walk along the beach with her.

I have two MAJOR rules: Don't lie to me, and don't lie about me and I doubt we will have any problems. I told her that it was pretty obvious that she has been in and out of a few relationships with other females, why has she not just come clean about it? To my surprise....she admitted it.

It almost felt good to be able to go back to her family and say...."Ya know, if you want to know something about someoen...just go ask them, don't go around gossiping and rumor-spreading. You would not done about you!"

My advice to you....take her out for coffee and just ask. Its not just her that has not been honest with you (if your suspisions are true)...you are friends with this other person as well...and he has been lying to you. Seems the air just needs to be cleared on this.

Blessings

 

[Matthew]

I agree with Grace, if you have a good relationship with your cousin then you need to talk to her about it, be delicate in your approach or else she could get defensive, but from what I've read of your posts you seem like a well mannered guy so I think you'll be O.K.

If she is feeling moved to lie to people close to her then underneath her desire to be with this guy there is obviously an issue, whether it's shame, or a fear or judgement etc....who knows, but keeping this a secret will probably cause problems down the line in other relationships she values so just talk to her and try and make her see that before anything else gets dealt with it's best she and her friend/partner are open and honest about their relationship.

My personal view is that if you feel something needs to be done in secret then maybe it's something you shouldn't be doing at all, or something you don't truly feel quite right about, maybe ask her why it's a secret and you might be able to get to the core of the issue.

 

[Dece81]

What if it is her boyfriend? She will tell you in time if it's true. What are you worried about?