Hi Jordache
Well, i've read a bit of your story in your prayer request, about your past. Sometimes people who came from sexual abuse like that, i'm not sure why exactly, but seems to be common they attract older men once they grow up. There is a lot put out through body language that most people have no clue they're even putting out. I sometimes wonder if its body language. You see an older guy, and because of the effect the abuse had on you, by an older man, its triggers a reaction to send out 'notice me' signals. Growing up all you knew was older men lusting after you. Now, as an adult, you, unknowingly, perpetuate that by sending out the 'right' signals to older men. Sort of similar to how abused children tend to marry abusive spouses, even though if you ask them they would say they'd never do such a thing. But their mind is altered to not detect the mistakes they're making in choosing men.
So part of it could simply be that you aren't putting out the right body language to guys you age. Without being an expert, the best thing i would know to fix that would be a bit of cognitive self therapy. Repeating to yourself about how you don't want older men.. reminding yourself you're looking for someone your age. Keep that concept repeating in your mind as much as possible. Try to route out the old habitual thoughts and pop in some new ones. Sometimes just an awareness of things can make a difference as well.
Also, keep in mind, that, to some degree you will attract men of all ages. You will never get all older men to stop being attracted to you, but you can readjust your mind and body language to stop encouraging them. Consider looking into reading up on body language as well. That way you can learn about your own and see what you may be doing wrong when it comes to men your age. You may be sending out 'not interested' signals and not even know it. Just a few ideas that i hope can be helpful.
