Getting Enough Lovin’

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Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
1,904
519
113
#1
Some recent threads, and some old threads have a reoccurring theme of not getting the kind of attention you want from your spouse. Some have mentioned their marriages lack emotion and intimacy.

Looking to Old Testament patriarchs this question arises. David was known to be lustful, but nothing compared to his son Solomon, tallying over a thousand lovers. My question is this; How much is enough? Some women here say they are happy to fulfill their “wifely duties” but to what extent is excessive? Is this subject taboo? There just seems to be so many Christian men addicted to porn. Are we suppressing our libidos in shame until the temptation becomes too much to bare? Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year? When is it time to take a cold shower?
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
4,415
1,621
113
#2
You'd probably get responses if you directed your question specifically to men-maybe in private messages.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,284
1,272
113
#3
Some recent threads, and some old threads have a reoccurring theme of not getting the kind of attention you want from your spouse. Some have mentioned their marriages lack emotion and intimacy.

Looking to Old Testament patriarchs this question arises. David was known to be lustful, but nothing compared to his son Solomon, tallying over a thousand lovers. My question is this; How much is enough? Some women here say they are happy to fulfill their “wifely duties” but to what extent is excessive? Is this subject taboo? There just seems to be so many Christian men addicted to porn. Are we suppressing our libidos in shame until the temptation becomes too much to bare? Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year? When is it time to take a cold shower?

"Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. "
First off Hungry kudos to you for asking a difficult question that many try to sugar coat and sweep under the rug.
While it is true that the men you mentioned DID struggle with lustful deeds and actions IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS ALRIGHT. Yes David was a man after God's own heart, but he was also just that a man....... a HUMAN........... who, like us, also faced with temptations on a daily basis. While it is one thing to see an attractive person go by ( out and about in public) and notice their attractiveness (or WHATEVER it is they are getting noticed for.............) it is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT, to keep looking or to allow your fingers to walk around a keyboard and eyes see whatever your fingers happen to stumble across willingly (or pick up at the news stand or video store etc!) is a whole other can of worms.

... But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her
has committed adultery with her already in his heart. ... Matthew 5:28

Ladies THAT GOES FOR US AS WELL.

As far as "wifely duties" and "I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year?"

Hebrews 13:4..........Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, (pure).

1 Corinthians 7:5.......Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

It is my understanding and opinion here.............. (and all this is WITHIN MARRIAGE TO YOUR SPOUSE)
a year: WAY TO LONG TO GO WITHOUT
a month: Still pushing it
weekly: good
daily/multiple times day : that is for the couple to mutually decide upon.
And I DO NOT believe 1 Cor. 7:5 is ONLY referencing sexual union. Depriving each other of something could be as simple as the husband being home from work and saying "come watch tv with me" and the wife thinking " I don't WANT TO watch tv right now. I WANT to do XYZ" or the other way around. If it is something your spouse enjoys and WANTS YOU around for and you are stubbornly refusing, sadly that is where many doors begin to open. "Well if you wont do this with me, I've got this friend (opposite sex) who enjoys that, we'll hang out together..........." now you've opened a door that allows compromising situations to arise............

Now Hungry, I pray you get some answers and insight to your questions here, and that if this thread has been moved to a mens eyes only forum that the answers you get are BIBLICAL and not perverted or twisted.

Now it's time for me to go perform MY wifely duties.................

Seeing my husband off to work and getting our kids up and ready for their day.:D
 
Jan 6, 2019
66
79
18
#4
"Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. "
First off Hungry kudos to you for asking a difficult question that many try to sugar coat and sweep under the rug.
While it is true that the men you mentioned DID struggle with lustful deeds and actions IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS ALRIGHT. Yes David was a man after God's own heart, but he was also just that a man....... a HUMAN........... who, like us, also faced with temptations on a daily basis. While it is one thing to see an attractive person go by ( out and about in public) and notice their attractiveness (or WHATEVER it is they are getting noticed for.............) it is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT, to keep looking or to allow your fingers to walk around a keyboard and eyes see whatever your fingers happen to stumble across willingly (or pick up at the news stand or video store etc!) is a whole other can of worms.

... But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her
has committed adultery with her already in his heart. ... Matthew 5:28

Ladies THAT GOES FOR US AS WELL.

As far as "wifely duties" and "I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year?"

Hebrews 13:4..........Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, (pure).

1 Corinthians 7:5.......Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

It is my understanding and opinion here.............. (and all this is WITHIN MARRIAGE TO YOUR SPOUSE)
a year: WAY TO LONG TO GO WITHOUT
a month: Still pushing it
weekly: good
daily/multiple times day : that is for the couple to mutually decide upon.
And I DO NOT believe 1 Cor. 7:5 is ONLY referencing sexual union. Depriving each other of something could be as simple as the husband being home from work and saying "come watch tv with me" and the wife thinking " I don't WANT TO watch tv right now. I WANT to do XYZ" or the other way around. If it is something your spouse enjoys and WANTS YOU around for and you are stubbornly refusing, sadly that is where many doors begin to open. "Well if you wont do this with me, I've got this friend (opposite sex) who enjoys that, we'll hang out together..........." now you've opened a door that allows compromising situations to arise............

Now Hungry, I pray you get some answers and insight to your questions here, and that if this thread has been moved to a mens eyes only forum that the answers you get are BIBLICAL and not perverted or twisted.

Now it's time for me to go perform MY wifely duties.................

Seeing my husband off to work and getting our kids up and ready for their day.:D

One thing I've found interesting about Matthew 5:28 is that it says the man commits adultery WITH her. As in, the image on the computer screen or the ladies dressing immodestly walking down the street are an active part in the adultery. They're not innocent bystanders!
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
1,904
519
113
#5
"Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. "
First off Hungry kudos to you for asking a difficult question that many try to sugar coat and sweep under the rug.
While it is true that the men you mentioned DID struggle with lustful deeds and actions IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS ALRIGHT. Yes David was a man after God's own heart, but he was also just that a man....... a HUMAN........... who, like us, also faced with temptations on a daily basis. While it is one thing to see an attractive person go by ( out and about in public) and notice their attractiveness (or WHATEVER it is they are getting noticed for.............) it is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT, to keep looking or to allow your fingers to walk around a keyboard and eyes see whatever your fingers happen to stumble across willingly (or pick up at the news stand or video store etc!) is a whole other can of worms.

... But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her
has committed adultery with her already in his heart. ... Matthew 5:28

Ladies THAT GOES FOR US AS WELL.

As far as "wifely duties" and "I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year?"

Hebrews 13:4..........Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, (pure).

1 Corinthians 7:5.......Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

It is my understanding and opinion here.............. (and all this is WITHIN MARRIAGE TO YOUR SPOUSE)
a year: WAY TO LONG TO GO WITHOUT
a month: Still pushing it
weekly: good
daily/multiple times day : that is for the couple to mutually decide upon.
And I DO NOT believe 1 Cor. 7:5 is ONLY referencing sexual union. Depriving each other of something could be as simple as the husband being home from work and saying "come watch tv with me" and the wife thinking " I don't WANT TO watch tv right now. I WANT to do XYZ" or the other way around. If it is something your spouse enjoys and WANTS YOU around for and you are stubbornly refusing, sadly that is where many doors begin to open. "Well if you wont do this with me, I've got this friend (opposite sex) who enjoys that, we'll hang out together..........." now you've opened a door that allows compromising situations to arise............

Now Hungry, I pray you get some answers and insight to your questions here, and that if this thread has been moved to a mens eyes only forum that the answers you get are BIBLICAL and not perverted or twisted.

Now it's time for me to go perform MY wifely duties.................

Seeing my husband off to work and getting our kids up and ready for their day.:D
Thanks for your response. The question was more for women so your insight was appreciated. If you have to bring up a subject like this with your own spouse, it may not be well received, maybe sounding accusatory when it’s not intended.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
1,904
519
113
#6
One thing I've found interesting about Matthew 5:28 is that it says the man commits adultery WITH her. As in, the image on the computer screen or the ladies dressing immodestly walking down the street are an active part in the adultery. They're not innocent bystanders!
From my experience, let’s say if I’m “hungry” then some things that wouldn’t be appetizing, look delicious. Other times when satiated, “food” isn’t even on my mind. I can walk by a bakery and not even look in the window. If I was concerned with my wife cheating on her diet, I would make sure I prepared lots of delicious healthy “snacks” ahead of time so she wouldn’t crave the wrong “food”. It just seems to be common place in society for women to starve their spouses and then get upset when he goes through the drive through.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
2,259
1,902
113
#7
I've never heard a better response to the matter of relations between husband & wife than from the wife of Pastor Fred KC Price. One Sunday, instead of him teaching, she came on because of the many letters they had received from listeners asking about this delicate issue.
To summarize she said that the way she handles is to never deny her husband sex when he wanted it. She said sometimes she would be tired or not 'in the mood' but believed it was her duty to oblige her husband. So no matter what she would be agreeable. He was sitting there with an approving look. She was so bold yet elegant and personal.
They continue to be an adorable couple, married for 62 yrs and still on TV.
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
4,415
1,621
113
#8
I've never heard a better response to the matter of relations between husband & wife than from the wife of Pastor Fred KC Price. One Sunday, instead of him teaching, she came on because of the many letters they had received from listeners asking about this delicate issue.
To summarize she said that the way she handles is to never deny her husband sex when he wanted it. She said sometimes she would be tired or not 'in the mood' but believed it was her duty to oblige her husband. So no matter what she would be agreeable. He was sitting there with an approving look. She was so bold yet elegant and personal.
They continue to be an adorable couple, married for 62 yrs and still on TV.
That's what the bible says.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,284
1,272
113
#9
One thing I've found interesting about Matthew 5:28 is that it says the man commits adultery WITH her. As in, the image on the computer screen or the ladies dressing immodestly walking down the street are an active part in the adultery. They're not innocent bystanders!
The girls/women doing these pictures/videos/ dressing immodestly ARE NOT innocent bystanders. They do these things for the attention they know it will bring...............
 

Locoponydirtman

Well-known member
Oct 9, 2018
851
525
93
Texas
#10
Some recent threads, and some old threads have a reoccurring theme of not getting the kind of attention you want from your spouse. Some have mentioned their marriages lack emotion and intimacy.

Looking to Old Testament patriarchs this question arises. David was known to be lustful, but nothing compared to his son Solomon, tallying over a thousand lovers. My question is this; How much is enough? Some women here say they are happy to fulfill their “wifely duties” but to what extent is excessive? Is this subject taboo? There just seems to be so many Christian men addicted to porn. Are we suppressing our libidos in shame until the temptation becomes too much to bare? Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year? When is it time to take a cold shower?
It's all subjective, ideally a couple should have complementary libidos. However we live in an imperfect world.
As for pornography, the destructive power is academic. We know the damage and are suffering long term for it.
As for how much is too much, well in this area porn has done us no favors either, by creating rediculous expectations, damaging our drive, and entering lust in place of intimacy. Then we have another big problem and it is the church. Immediately, after you posted the question someone chimed in that this needs to be discussed in private messages. No! We need to have open and honest discussion about this subject
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
1,904
519
113
#11
It's all subjective, ideally a couple should have complementary libidos. However we live in an imperfect world.
As for pornography, the destructive power is academic. We know the damage and are suffering long term for it.
As for how much is too much, well in this area porn has done us no favors either, by creating rediculous expectations, damaging our drive, and entering lust in place of intimacy. Then we have another big problem and it is the church. Immediately, after you posted the question someone chimed in that this needs to be discussed in private messages. No! We need to have open and honest discussion about this subject
Since my libido changes from month to month, I can’t imagine a couple would sync up. Some weeks not a sexual thought, others it’s constant.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,284
1,272
113
#12
BINGO! I've gotta BINGO! While reading your above post, your signature tag just clicked in my head!
B-elieve
I-
N-eed
G-od
O-k
!
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,284
1,272
113
#13
UMMMMMMM Ooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy. I wrote that last post EARLIER this morning and thought it was in a different forum............. ummmmmmmm "BINGO" obviously that was ment to be sent to you...................
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,284
1,272
113
#14
Now. What I WANTED to post here:

Since my libido changes from month to month, I can’t imagine a couple would sync up. Some weeks not a sexual thought, others it’s constant.
DO WE REALLY want to open a can of worms about libido and monthly changes.....................? I'm just sayin.......................
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
8,901
1,499
113
#15
this is not a 'taboo' subject, but it does seem not quit appropriate for a lot of people -

the flesh profits nothing in the end', it's The Spirit that gives us life'. = fulfillment-peace-contentment-ETC.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
1,904
519
113
#16
this is not a 'taboo' subject, but it does seem not quit appropriate for a lot of people -

the flesh profits nothing in the end', it's The Spirit that gives us life'. = fulfillment-peace-contentment-ETC.
Agreed, so your suggestion is to abandon all desires of the flesh? I can and have done this. In all honesty during this time of abstinence and fasting, I never felt closer to the Lord. However, recently I’ve been hitting the gym more purposefully and this causes testosterone surges. Since the increased testosterone triggers other things these questions came up. It seems I’m faced with the dilemma to either be manly or be spiritual. I was just getting some feedback from other Christians.
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
1,271
834
113
#17
"Make no mistake...spiritual is in a realm that requires the strength, discipline and commitment
of the soundness of a man or woman...mind, body and soul in harmony with God is a challenge
to behold...and only when fully focused on the objective...whatever that may be."...:)
'Praise God'
 

Attachments

Locoponydirtman

Well-known member
Oct 9, 2018
851
525
93
Texas
#18
Since my libido changes from month to month, I can’t imagine a couple would sync up. Some weeks not a sexual thought, others it’s constant.
Sounds about normal.
Your wife needs affection always. Don't let your sex drive control when you are affectionate to your wife. If she wants to do it when you aren't particularly thinking about it, just do it. Let your affectionate actions become feelings and you will have good intimate time, even if you didn't much feel like it to start with.
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
1,904
519
113
#19
Sounds about normal.
Your wife needs affection always. Don't let your sex drive control when you are affectionate to your wife. If she wants to do it when you aren't particularly thinking about it, just do it. Let your affectionate actions become feelings and you will have good intimate time, even if you didn't much feel like it to start with.
I never suffer from low drive. My issue is always opposite, even more so when lifting heavy.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
1,119
942
113
#20
Actually man
The girls/women doing these pictures/videos/ dressing immodestly ARE NOT innocent bystanders. They do these things for the attention they know it will bring...............
Actually many are nothing but naive kids that are curious, then get wowed and charmed by expensive houses and cars.
And it's not uncommon for things to be done against their will on camera. This is especially common with first timers. One porn producer stated they had hundreds of hours of illegal content filmed.
Also it's not uncommon to have sex trafficking victims in pics and videos.
Most porn stars are addicts because they are so mistreated they have to get high before each performance just to get through it.
It's not uncommon for a woman to be used so roughly and for so long she becomes ill or even vomits and is demanded to finish or risk losing pay or even threatened to be kicked out of the industry.

So while they may not be saints, many are victims trapped in an industry that tears them apart. So, as I stated elsewhere it may not pay to be so critical.
Check out Fight the New Drug to get some facts and learn the realities and facts of the topic.