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but thank you for the advise your stories are very inspiring
S
OP, If I have an advice to give you and from what I have learned from my "mistakes" during my marriage is this:
LEAVE THE MAN ALONE.
And pray for yourself. Pray for wisdom.
Take him to God in prayer. Don't nag.
The more you are trying to change him into making him more like Christ, the more he will resist YOU and not God.
How do you honestly believe he feels when you try to make him LEAD...meaning he is not a man enough until he leads...may be its not what you mean but it could be an underlying frustration...
watch your words, your actions, your words , your demeanour when you talk to him.
It is not your role to make him lead. It's God's. All you have to do it's to show him respect no matter what. Stop nagging, stop trying to mould him.
Often time, we perfect spirit filled, christian ladies, think men have to be like this or that kind of "leader" to her, when she doesn't even give the guy a chance to be free to become who he is in the first place.
It is learned, it comes with knowledge and time and God's goodness.
Another thing, We women cringe when some men say : SUBMIT but how do you think men feel when women say: LEAD
it's all in the relationship both partners find themselves in...Be careful you are imposing a standard without any wisdom to your husband. Be careful.
LEAVE THE MAN ALONE.
And pray for yourself. Pray for wisdom.
Take him to God in prayer. Don't nag.
The more you are trying to change him into making him more like Christ, the more he will resist YOU and not God.
How do you honestly believe he feels when you try to make him LEAD...meaning he is not a man enough until he leads...may be its not what you mean but it could be an underlying frustration...
watch your words, your actions, your words , your demeanour when you talk to him.
It is not your role to make him lead. It's God's. All you have to do it's to show him respect no matter what. Stop nagging, stop trying to mould him.
Often time, we perfect spirit filled, christian ladies, think men have to be like this or that kind of "leader" to her, when she doesn't even give the guy a chance to be free to become who he is in the first place.
It is learned, it comes with knowledge and time and God's goodness.
Another thing, We women cringe when some men say : SUBMIT but how do you think men feel when women say: LEAD
it's all in the relationship both partners find themselves in...Be careful you are imposing a standard without any wisdom to your husband. Be careful.
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S
Couldn't edit anymore:
Be careful trying to impose a standard to your husband without any consideration for him.
If he is passive aggressive, he will use your frustrations as an excuse to not do anything and accuse YOU for making him the lazy person he is...
Don't start trying to make him into a project for change.
Leave him alone and pray for wisdom. Don't engage in futile nagging.
Be careful trying to impose a standard to your husband without any consideration for him.
If he is passive aggressive, he will use your frustrations as an excuse to not do anything and accuse YOU for making him the lazy person he is...
Don't start trying to make him into a project for change.
Leave him alone and pray for wisdom. Don't engage in futile nagging.
G
Thank you but I must say, I have not "nagged" him once about this,
the closest to that was while we was laying down I asked him to teach me something about the bible,
and he did so gladly he kind of smiled at the fact that I asked him,
he told me the story of Job and what truths he got from it. I also have no problem with submitting to my husband.
I would so much rather follow his lead and help him along the way rather than try to lead myself or try to force him to lead instead of encourage him about his gifts and respect him for what he DOES do already.
the closest to that was while we was laying down I asked him to teach me something about the bible,
and he did so gladly he kind of smiled at the fact that I asked him,
he told me the story of Job and what truths he got from it. I also have no problem with submitting to my husband.
I would so much rather follow his lead and help him along the way rather than try to lead myself or try to force him to lead instead of encourage him about his gifts and respect him for what he DOES do already.
A
The male as a spiritual leader, while good, is over-rated. You are a believer, and you are just as capable of reading scripture and leading prayer as he is. Since you believe that is your husband's job, then you can view it as picking up the slack until he is strong enough to lead. As a child of God, you know what needs to be done, so do it. Your gender has a lot less to do with the situation than you think.
I do find it oxymoronic for women to tell their husbands to lead. If he does then take steps to lead your family, it's only because he is responding to your leadership! (see the circular path there?)
I do find it oxymoronic for women to tell their husbands to lead. If he does then take steps to lead your family, it's only because he is responding to your leadership! (see the circular path there?)
I find this discussion a little unsettling. If my wife had a long discussion about how I did this or that and how much she wants to show this or that I would feel hurt, that the internet and opinions put forward are put in front of our relationship.
For both me and wife we are equals, though I am sure she would say there are many inequalities relating to house work, work professionally etc. But I would always want to discuss decisions before they are made, so that we know where we stand.
I would suggest this is the core issue that is missing here, not is this idea better than that idea, because it largely depends on someones own personal input. I hope you find a place you are happy with.
For both me and wife we are equals, though I am sure she would say there are many inequalities relating to house work, work professionally etc. But I would always want to discuss decisions before they are made, so that we know where we stand.
I would suggest this is the core issue that is missing here, not is this idea better than that idea, because it largely depends on someones own personal input. I hope you find a place you are happy with.
A
That's a curious concept -- passive-aggressive. But it reminds me that all spouses (male and female) have faults as well as strengths. I would think by the time we marry, we'll understand that and have already learned to live with it.
I remember some of the rules we both had, but they were minor. His was I needed to clean the litter box more often, and keep cat hair at bay. Mine was the toilet seat had to be done and dump his dirty close in one place. (Mostly so I knew where to collect them without picking up clothes he wore for a minute so would wear again.)
15 years later and no cats, but then he's kind of particular on how his kitchen needs to be. (The spot in front of the sink can't be wet and the counters have to be thoroughly clean -- several times, clorox involved lol -- after he makes a roast.) Meanwhile his clothes wander, so he gets a little frustrated that I end up cleaning clothes he only wore for a minute, but that's no big deal if I'm doing laundry anyway, and I can always come back with, "I told you, if I don't know, I'll assume dirty."
20 years later, the basic got-to-have-them rules are simply assumed, and if we want to negotiate the rest, we negotiate as needed.
We both saw each others home before we married, so we both knew we were slobs in different ways. We also knew what was and wasn't acceptable back when we were dating, (our personality quirks), so figured out how to live with the other's quirks. I guess I'm a bit confused because it strikes me if someone is passive-aggressive the other accepted that as part of the package. We may lean toward passive-aggressive, but between the two of us, neither one accepts the other for that one. Be passive. Be aggressive. I don't care which, but don't be both! lol
I remember some of the rules we both had, but they were minor. His was I needed to clean the litter box more often, and keep cat hair at bay. Mine was the toilet seat had to be done and dump his dirty close in one place. (Mostly so I knew where to collect them without picking up clothes he wore for a minute so would wear again.)
15 years later and no cats, but then he's kind of particular on how his kitchen needs to be. (The spot in front of the sink can't be wet and the counters have to be thoroughly clean -- several times, clorox involved lol -- after he makes a roast.) Meanwhile his clothes wander, so he gets a little frustrated that I end up cleaning clothes he only wore for a minute, but that's no big deal if I'm doing laundry anyway, and I can always come back with, "I told you, if I don't know, I'll assume dirty."
20 years later, the basic got-to-have-them rules are simply assumed, and if we want to negotiate the rest, we negotiate as needed.
We both saw each others home before we married, so we both knew we were slobs in different ways. We also knew what was and wasn't acceptable back when we were dating, (our personality quirks), so figured out how to live with the other's quirks. I guess I'm a bit confused because it strikes me if someone is passive-aggressive the other accepted that as part of the package. We may lean toward passive-aggressive, but between the two of us, neither one accepts the other for that one. Be passive. Be aggressive. I don't care which, but don't be both! lol
I
well,here is my two cents. i was on this "christian mingle" actually, dating site. i met "goldylocks" name changed to protect the innocent. ha. long story but she didn't read the bible, ask to pray, witness to her family or cancerous mother didn't want attend church etc etc. in my opinion shes a fair weather christian the bible says entering in as through the flames. she said she responded to an alter call at age 16. your man doesn't seem to be acting right. ok maybe you didn't want to hear that...i said it any way.