Half sister hates me; my mom wants me to fix it.

[GraceandLove]

Difficult, difficult, indeed. Take care of yourself, give it to God, and read all you can find on dysfunctional families. My prayers
are with you.

Thank you! I am constantly reading about this, because I don't want to get crazy. But it helps a lot that I can share it here and hear different responses and advice from other people. Thank you for your prayers!

 

[GraceandLove]

I'm sorry you have been put in the middle of this dysfunctional family. It is not right for a child to "fix the family" as it seems your mother wants you to do.. Parents are to raise a child to function in the world independently from them. I hope your mother is getting counseling for her bi-polar. You must remember she has a mental illness and can't relate normally to you or the others. Congratulations on getting your college degree now so you can get employed and live elsewhere. You need not feel guilty. I noticed you said anger was a sin. The Bible says BE ANGRY but don't sin. Don't let sun go down on your anger. Ephesians 4. Jesus was angry when he saw the hypocrisy of the Pharisees in the temple when he overturned the tables. That anger was thought out, intentionally executed to make a point. It sounds like at times you become the one who is bullied. Is that right? no, you are redeemed and forgiven of all your sins Colossians 1:14. member of Christ's body 1 Cor. 12:27, adopted as God's child Eph. 1:5, free from condemnation Romans 8:1-2, cannot be separated from the love of God Romans 8:35-39, seated in the heavenly realm with Christ Eph. 2:6, can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Phil. 4:13http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/26758/kw/26758 This article has to do with a controlling mother.
Grown Woman’s Mother Is Jealous and Possessive Not sure if the article came through but try both. AmmaBev

I know! I always joke and say, "It's so hard to raise up your parents." Hehe.

My mom doesn't get counseled because she doesn't want to. She actually doesn't see the problem, so she's like why should she? She thinks she's so wise already on her own, she doesn't need anyone else but the Lord only. So yea, very hard to help her.

I am getting better at managing my anger these days. It took a while because I have never been that angry in my entire life. But if I could really turn back time, I wouldn't slap her. I really regret doing that. I always thought I could do better when things get worse. I expected more from myself. That was such a shame. But anyway, I learned from that mistake and I am trying to get control over myself even when I am angry. Thank the Lord for His help! I'd always thought before that being angry is such a sin, because even though the Bible says, Be angry and do not sin, everyone around me sins when they get angry. So I always tried my best to not get angry because you know, that results to sin. But of course, it takes the help of the Lord and understanding His principles to getting angry and not sinning. And I am so happy, I am getting better at it.
Just sometimes, it gets to my nerves the lies and things my mom keep on saying whenever I visit there. But I always surprise myself, because I always react with control and peace in my heart and I do not let stupid things come out of my mouth. It's just that my mom's nature is: It's very bad and negative when you oppose her, even though you're right, you are wrong. Because she's the mother, she's older. So just listen to whatever she says and then I'll be good. That's how she is. I have never seen her own up to her own mistakes and admit that she does do thing wrong sometimes. Would be nice to see a change in her. But yea, only if she lets the Lord help her. She doesn't see it herself though..

 

[GraceandLove]

Have you offered to pay your sister back for your plane ticket, room and board and other expenses used to get you set up in Europe she could have just saved for herself and her daughter?

Don't move back in with your mom or sister. That is a trap you are good to escape. I would examine your life and see what sacrifices your sister might have made you can repay her for. It might not mend the relationship but it's might be a start. Maybe help her learn how to stand up and say no to your mom also.

Witchcraft isn't a good thing and why isn't your father more in your lives?

I was thinking of that, repaying her everything so she can't say anything back anymore. But it's hard at the moment, because I'm still trying to build my life. I left the house so I have to prove that I can live on my own. It's hard, but I like the challenge. And it gets me closer to the Lord because I'm on my own now. And there's no one else to trust but the Lord.

My dad is in the Philippines. He's always there to talk to us and listen to us. He's very different than my mom. He's like a friend to us. But yea, since he's not here, the only thing he can do is listen to us and pray for us and advice us. My mom doesn't like him. That's even an understatement. Mom and my sister hate my dad's guts. Because he confronts them and just tells them the truth without sugarcoating it. But my mom and my sister both don't like to admit their mistakes and certainly don't want others pointing it out. So they just get worse and worse.

 

[TemporaryCircumstances]

Yes, I understand that she felt she had to do those things. It's just that I think it's unfair to put all the blame in me and make me suffer just because she did. And because I didn't, I am a bad person already, that I do not care for our family.

I wrote her a letter and was just very general. I told her that I actually greeted her when I saw her near my place, contrary to what she was spreading that I ignored her and just didn't greet her. Because she was actually the one who completely ignored me and just stared at me as if she's killing me in her head. I put that in that letter just to make it clear, because she's telling the whole family a very different story than what happened. But actually, because I'm not living there anymore, I am no longer part of the pack. So whatever I say and do wouldn't matter because family comes first. And according to them, I left the family, so they wouldn't listen to me.

I am just wondering if I should stop pushing myself into the family, since they make me feel like I lost my membership. No matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, they just can't release me and forgive me. It is so unfair because everything would've not happened had they not pushed me to my limits. Besides, I left the house when I was 20, so it's not that I was so underage and just rebelled like what they think.

Anyways, thank for the prayers! I need them! God bless!

Yes,
It is unfair.
And with that I will tell you that family isn't always who gave birth to us and grew up with us.

I have something I call heart family because my family is not particularly loving of me either. It's made of people who care about me, take care of me, and I know will do anything for me if I want them to.
So, if you decide to stop trying to connect with your family, don't lose hope, family goes beyond who you grew up with

 

[Dai3234]

I'm not sure but it may be a good idea to read or go to confidence building classes etc. You seem to be a verbal "punch bag" around family. Maybe their are events or books/booklets that are not named as catholic or evangelist that are "nicer" than what your family preaches, that could be given as Christmas, mother's day or birthday present to try and lead your family gently to a better Christian life without argument or force. With prayers. Maybe, maybe not appropriate, just a thought. God bless all of you, amen.