Help with daughter

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Dec 24, 2020
2
0
1
#1
Hello. I am seeking advise. Our grown daughter lives with us. She is very disrespectful of me. I find myself in tears and don't want to resent her. The other day she was sitting at the kitchen having a late breakfast so I sat down to eat a snack. She said she doesn't necessarily need company so I leave ... Christmas morning she shut herself in her room til 1 pm even tho we were supposed to cook together.
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
1,257
1,146
113
#2
Hello. I am seeking advise. Our grown daughter lives with us. She is very disrespectful of me. I find myself in tears and don't want to resent her. The other day she was sitting at the kitchen having a late breakfast so I sat down to eat a snack. She said she doesn't necessarily need company so I leave ... Christmas morning she shut herself in her room til 1 pm even tho we were supposed to cook together.
Hi that's sound really sad..😔😔Yes this must be really heartbreaking for you and is definitely eating away at things.
You said your daughter lives with "US"..so there are other people living there too.So is her behaviour the same with the others there or different?
Naturally we don't know the full dynamics here but is she specifically resentful to you for some particular event ect that happened?
I know sometimes children can be going through stuff and instead of opening up they can lash out..distance themselves to..so it could be that she's going through stuff...yet again she may also just be someone whose actually unpleasant.
Are the any other relatives/close friends who can chat with her and find out where this is all coming from?
Or someone who can be a mediator between the both of you in a meeting and get a dialogue going.?
If must be a tense environment and has she lashed out accusing you of things?
There is the possibility that outside influences via online stuff can impact on how she behaves...like social media groups,certain kind if new friends ect.
Not an easy one to discern without being given any context of her negative attitude towards you.
Thee is obviously a trigger for this so any more info you could give would be of great help.👍🏻
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
566
250
43
#3
Never been married so I have no idea what it is like to have one of my kids disrespecting me like that (well, I have a pretty good idea what I will do, anyways). Just reading off of your post, my first thought was maybe you are supporting her behavior unknowingly. It's your house so it is your duty to set the rule/tone, what needs to be followed. That kitchen incident, you should've just sat, have snack, let her know in action it's your kitchen. The whole resentment thing.. I would rather see the end of it, show my kids what's proper and if they have problem with it, then you go out and find your own place; but as long as you are living under my roof, follow the rule and show respect that is due. Again, I know nothing of how to raise kids/how to deal with adult children, etc, but hope that your daughter would come to her senses and start honoring/respecting her parents. God bless.
 

Bingo

Well-known member
Feb 9, 2019
3,694
2,756
113
#4
"Most all family 'issues' have underlying circumstances, most likely known of
only by those involved, thus, the right kind of advise being highly unlikely to be
of real value. Most problems come about by other problems, in some form or other,
bringing to mind...cause and effect being without separation."


accord - Copy (11) - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Cop...jpg :)
 

3angelsmsg

Junior Member
Mar 1, 2018
473
547
93
#5
Hello, I am sorry to hear that. Well, my thinking is that. It is better that your daughter is showing outwardly her feelings. It is better than her making as though everything is fine. It might also just be that you know people tend to take out their frustration on someone close to them. Which they might consider weaker than themselves almost use as punch bag. My advice would be to give her time to process everything. And just be there for her and show that you care. She maybe just wanted to express yourself. I know it making you sad but you need to win her trust.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
6,553
6,285
113
#6
I just watched a show where CeCe Winans, a popular singer, was talking about this subject concerning her son. She had heard a powerful message about speaking out loud God's Truth over our loved ones. God had told the person to start speaking things she wanted for her daughter. So she had raised her daughter in church but the daughter had strayed. So the mom started saying 'my daughter loves God' 'She is living for Him' and sure enough she came through with a good testimony:). Also, CeCe did this to her own son who wasn't living for God at the time, and would tell him 'You are a mighty man of God ... every gift you have God is going to use'. Now he is a Pastor:D
I believe God wants to bless your family also, of course, in Jesus Name Amen:love:
 

Genipher

Well-known member
Jan 6, 2019
335
282
63
#7
Hello. I am seeking advise. Our grown daughter lives with us. She is very disrespectful of me. I find myself in tears and don't want to resent her. The other day she was sitting at the kitchen having a late breakfast so I sat down to eat a snack. She said she doesn't necessarily need company so I leave ... Christmas morning she shut herself in her room til 1 pm even tho we were supposed to cook together.
It almost sounds like she's a bit depressed, not wanting company. Maybe the holidays have her feeling down?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,910
3,606
113
#8
sounds like shes got a broken heart...somethings going on thats making her moody (could just be time of the month though!)

I recall going to one christmas party and the mum said her daughter had locked herself in her room cos she had broken up with her boyfriend and didnt eat for days.

Give her space and dont take it personal.
 

Blackpowderduelist

Well-known member
Sep 2, 2020
1,338
543
113
Babylon
#9
Hello. I am seeking advise. Our grown daughter lives with us. She is very disrespectful of me. I find myself in tears and don't want to resent her. The other day she was sitting at the kitchen having a late breakfast so I sat down to eat a snack. She said she doesn't necessarily need company so I leave ... Christmas morning she shut herself in her room til 1 pm even tho we were supposed to cook together.
You said the secret word when you said "grown".
You are grown and don't want company, great get ya own place, sounds like a perfect candidate.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,385
1,966
113
#10
People overreacting so majorly. So an adult woman stated she wanted to be alone. That's not being disrespectful to anyone, that is her expressing honest feelings.
Acting like she needs to be taught a lesson or told to move out over this is ignorant and judgmental.
Somehow no one seemed to think "talk with her and find out if everything is ok" was a proper response. No, 'demand control and respect, or else' is the default?
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
34,982
12,545
113
#11
Hello. I am seeking advise. Our grown daughter lives with us. She is very disrespectful of me. I find myself in tears and don't want to resent her. The other day she was sitting at the kitchen having a late breakfast so I sat down to eat a snack. She said she doesn't necessarily need company so I leave ... Christmas morning she shut herself in her room til 1 pm even tho we were supposed to cook together.
If she didn't want company, she should have left the room, not you. It's your house, after all.
 

Blackpowderduelist

Well-known member
Sep 2, 2020
1,338
543
113
Babylon
#12
Grown means adult. Adult means unless you are helping out the family unit directly and actively, you need to be out on your own anyway.
Adult and very disrespectful, unto putting the Matriarch of the house into tears is expulsion with out question.

I would not have allowed it to go so far. There would have already been a sit down talk about it.

Having feelings of some kind is not an excuse to loose venom on other people, that's poor character. My feeling is not a license to be a toxic jerk.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
34,982
12,545
113
#14
I would not have allowed it to go so far.
I agree. The daughter could have excused herself, but instead made it clear she wanted her mother to leave the room! A bit manipulative if you ask me, with hidden or not-so-hidden control issues as well.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
9,910
3,606
113
#15
mmm but you guys not helping the daughter. what would be your solution, kick her out and leave her homeless on the street?

thats what a lot of parents would do. Not christian ones though..... find out whats wrong and go from there.


families can be hard to live with sometimes, but Gods way is to put the lonely in families. Psalm 68:6
if shes being rebellious, it might be that the desert or wilderness sounds more appealing. a retreat might be in order.

covid is hard on all of us you know. Not everyone has a home. I find people who are rich tend to think its easy for any adult to just 'get their own place'. not so.
 

Mezame83

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2019
245
265
63
#16
If she didn't want company, she should have left the room, not you. It's your house, after all.
I believe a "It's my house" attitude isn't always necessary. Sometimes reading between the lines and demonstrating compassion is what's needed.
 

Mezame83

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2019
245
265
63
#17
Grown means adult. Adult means unless you are helping out the family unit directly and actively, you need to be out on your own anyway.
Adult and very disrespectful, unto putting the Matriarch of the house into tears is expulsion with out question.

I would not have allowed it to go so far. There would have already been a sit down talk about it.

Having feelings of some kind is not an excuse to loose venom on other people, that's poor character. My feeling is not a license to be a toxic jerk.
We don't know the whole family dynamic.
Sometimes children don't think they're able to talk to their parents without parents taking things so personal and not actually hearing them out.
 

Blackpowderduelist

Well-known member
Sep 2, 2020
1,338
543
113
Babylon
#18
We don't know the whole family dynamic.
Sometimes children don't think they're able to talk to their parents without parents taking things so personal and not actually hearing them out.
Not an excuse for her behavior.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
34,982
12,545
113
#19
I believe a "It's my house" attitude isn't always necessary. Sometimes reading between the lines and demonstrating compassion is what's needed.
That's a two way street.
 

Blackpowderduelist

Well-known member
Sep 2, 2020
1,338
543
113
Babylon
#20
mmm but you guys not helping the daughter. what would be your solution, kick her out and leave her homeless on the street?

thats what a lot of parents would do. Not christian ones though..... find out whats wrong and go from there.


families can be hard to live with sometimes, but Gods way is to put the lonely in families. Psalm 68:6
if shes being rebellious, it might be that the desert or wilderness sounds more appealing. a retreat might be in order.

covid is hard on all of us you know. Not everyone has a home. I find people who are rich tend to think its easy for any adult to just 'get their own place'. not so.
Not rich at all. I have been a working class joe for all my life.

Covid is not an excuse to be a disrespectful emotional manipulator

She's only lonely be side she chooses to disrespect her parents, and thereby also the rest of the family unit.

Do being Christian, means you have to let a disrespectful adult continue in your home creating a toxic environment in which the Matron of the house is brought to tears, because the consequences of poor character are too harsh? Yeah, I don't think so.