How can I love myself?

[spirit]

I know how you feel as my mother was very harsh and unstable emotions and worse part was she did not know how to value herself too. You husband sounds like he has a temper problem and also perhaps he cannot control his anger ( which happens to mine too) and unfortunatley when you don't know how to "rectify" issues they say bad things to make themselves feel better. God made us the way we have a duty to look after and value ourselves as much as possible. I would talk to a friend or a counsellor (even a priest) first to make yourself feel better and to pay attention to yourself first before thinking about your husband. it sounds selfish but we have to value ourselves before we know how to please others. And we can't please everyone either. Don't forget God loves you!

 

[jkalyna]

HI again, want to tell you, that you are spiritually married to Jesus, and he loves you, his prayer for us is a very intimate prayer, and he knows all about your pain. He said he's a high Priest that knows what we go through. He also is the good shepard, be encouraged, you need a prayer partner, Father in Jesus name give her peace, and patience, rest in you TOTAL REST, that her confidance will be built up around her and she will know who she is in you, and when words come against her, that weak area make it stronge as a inprenitable wall of your power around her, I pray a wall of protection around her from attacks. I agree with her in prayer that your HOly spirit will touch her partner in Jesus name.

 

[Jordache]

The book Song of Solomon is a picture of Jesus and you. Do you know what He tells you? "you are altogether beautiful. There is no flaw in you." 4:2. Your identity is in Christ and not in the words of your husband. Yes, His words hurt... deeply. But they don't define you. You can love yourself again. Love God first, and the rest will follow.
Im not sure why, but I'm discerning that your prayer direction should not be for how to not male your husband angry. I sense your fear and anguish. I sense your defeatedness. I implore you to remove yourself from the situation. You do not have to stand for verbal abuse out of a sense of worthlessness or obligation. You are not a doormat. I'm not telling you to divorce him, but you must protect yourself. You must ind a safe place where you can get better, a place where you can let your defenses down.
Answer this: who is God? Describe Him. He is radiant, strong, beautiful, magestic, merciful, etc. Guess what! We were created in His image. Would we ever say that He isn't beautiful. When we call Him beautiful we are not necessarily speakin of an outward beauty, yet we still know He is beautiful. If He is beautiful, then we--created in His image--are beautiful also:
You are precious, delicate, purposed, unique. He has a plan for you just as you are... At this weight, at this age, at this height, IQ, level of education, health or
unhealth, financial situation, and in this very set of circumstances. I cannot tell you what it is, but I tell you without a doubt that its true. Make the hard choice. You are worth it. You are worth more than you'll ever know
because Jesus decided you were.

 

[7sparr7ow7]

i've been abused for years so i struggle with the idea of a big, mighty God loving little,insignifigant me. i've had a lot of people betray me, people who were close to me, but it was through God he is teaching me to trust him. but i am asking God more and more to answer my prayers. it all started when i asked God to heal my gums so i wouldn't have to face more needles to the dentist. when i first sat in the dentist chair, my gums hurt.(i recently had 4 teeth pulled) i thought my teeth were infected. my gums were really tender. the dentist told me my teeth werent infected, and that everything was fine. it may not sound like much, but when you're me (someone who REALLY doesnt like the dentist!)i kept crying out to God. i feel a lot better going to the dentist now. (this coming from someone who had avoided the dentist for at least 5 years and who also had 5 fillings). not only did i leave that dentist office pain free, (my teeth were hurting pretty badly.) i left with more courage about the dentist and trust about God. thank you God.
answers, if you want a friend, i'm here if you want someone to talk to. please add me as a friend. i know how it feels to have an abusive person in my life.
i can totally understand how you feel. i've felt miserable and alone and felt like no one cared about me despite being constantly surrounded by people.

 

[Canadian36]

Here's my advice:

1) Get out of that marriage immediately. no and if's or buts about it.
2) Start to say "I like myself" like 100 times a day everyday. (work on other affirmations on top of this standard one)
3) Realize that people come in all shapes and sizes. All shapes are beautiful, not just thin people.
4) Realize that when you're socializing, out in public or whatever, NO BODY GIVES A RATS AZZ ABOUT YOU!!! They're way too busy to notice. But if you're still you're own worst enemy then your mind will pay tricks on you. Making you feel inadequate and making you think people are looking or thinking bad thoughts about you when in reality THEY'RE NOT!!! They're way too busy. You would have to walk through the mall BUCK NAKED before someone who even pay you a glancing thought in this day and age! That you can bank on. So stop worrying, just keep telling yourself "no one is worrying about me and if they are they're the one that has the self esteem problem not me!"
5) So that's gets into accepting yourself. here's the bottom line. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you. But what does matter, what is super important is WHAT YOU THINK OF YOU. So keep telling yourself how amazing you look, how wonderful you are, how special you are. "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he".
6) Don't change your body for anyone. But find a sport you can fall in love with so you'll do it often. Something as simple as joining a baseball team can be a lot of fun. Or jogging, golf, tennis, swimming, skiing, fitness. Something you can do often just for the fun of it, don't do it because you're hoping to lose weight. If you're doing that you got to re read this. It's not about changing yourself, it's about accepting yourself and loving yourself right now! You're good enough right now! Thats' why I said get out of that marriage. It's not healthy.
7) Find a good group of friends that you have fun with, that love and support you. Try meetup.com you can meet groups that meet in real life there. It's great.
8) Write down all your goals and dreams in life and revisit them. Start to pursue the ones that interest you . Make a few minore daily steps to reaching each goal daily.
9) Try new thigns in life. get out of your comfort zone.
10) God wants you to get unstuck. Change is scary, but it's refreshing too. You just got to excercise firm resolve in your decision making.

Anyway there's 10 ideas. Be your own best friend. Start by saying I like myself daily 100 times. It's important in rebuilding your self esteem. Good luck.

 

[answers]

I hear everyone's great and helpful words, but at the same time I feel like I am unable to believe them or achieve what I am meant to. Why do I feel so held down? While I am reading the compliments from many of you, it brings me to tears hearing those things said about me, and then it stops there. No growth, nothing! I feel defective. How can I not get it? I will continue to try, what else can I do.
Thank you everyone!!!!!

 

[spirit]

May God help us to love ourselves and help live our lives with healthy relationships all around us. To neglect ourselves is like neglecting God because he was the one that created us and help us become stronger in every aspect of our lifes journey. Amen

 

[Lucy68]

Yes, you and your husband do have some things to work out. You are very young; I remember when I was first married my husband could crush me with a word.. I was very emotionally fragile and depended on his good opinion of me to feel 'worthwhile'. He often took out his own frustrations on me. Not physical abuse but I would definitely call it emotional abuse. He took advantage of my 'weak' state and vented on me. As a doormat I guess you could say. Something did change him...I'm pretty sure it was God

But I also changed. Eventually I began to see myself as GOD sees me; not as I thought my husband saw me. I developed a much healthier and more truer self-image. I feel like wimp having to admit this but this is what happened. I grew braver also in confronting my husband. I learned to say,' honey, I'd like for our marriage and family life to be good for everybody concerned, so I want to tell you that " " is damaging our relationship. I want both of us, and our children, to love our lives together, so do you think we can work on this?"

Sometimes, at first, he'd have his usual reaction...blow up because he saw it as criticism. But if you pose the question as something that would effect him in a positive way, he may listen better. (Sometimes it's like talking to a 3 year old...but it works).

I do think you both should go to Christian counseling together. An objective person can sometimes help you to talk things out instead of letting them simmer. Also he/she may teach you how 'fight fair'. You WILL have disagreements and everyone needs to learn how to appropriately work these out.

Praying for you, sweetie, hang in there. You are VERY deserving of your husband's love and don't you ever forget it

 

[Lucy68]

I hear everyone's great and helpful words, but at the same time I feel like I am unable to believe them or achieve what I am meant to. Why do I feel so held down? While I am reading the compliments from many of you, it brings me to tears hearing those things said about me, and then it stops there. No growth, nothing! I feel defective. How can I not get it? I will continue to try, what else can I do.
Thank you everyone!!!!!

You will 'get it' as you read and study the Bible, and pray. As your relationship with God grows, so will your understanding of yourself and the world around you. He waits for your approach and welcomes you with open arms. Go to Him!

 

[answers]

Thank you, I really appreciate your wisdom. I know we both have faults, but I do not EVER say or do things to worsen our relationship. Infront of others he is great. When we are alone he is great too, until something doesn't go his way. My biggest problem, as far as things I should avoid is nagging about the kids to him. He could go all day without looking into our kids eyes, or he will act like they are not even present and will ignore them talking. I have to always say something to get him to pay attention, or prior to their excitment to share something I have to prep him to show some sort of emotion or pay attention. This drives me crazy! Yes, I could avoid saying something about this, but I love my kids too much. He doesn't complain about it, but I am sure it bothers him inside.
Thanks again!

 

[dmdave17]

Dear answers,

I probably don't have to but I will put in my "two cents" anyway. This will sound familiar to anyone who recognizes me. As shekaniah said some time ago, I believe you need to learn to see yourself as God sees you. You are His precious child. You turned out exactly the way He intended. To say that there is anything wrong with you is like saying God made a mistake. And God don't make mistakes.

I know that this is not easy, but I hope you will work at it. God loves you and wants you to be happy. And He is ready to help you in every way if you just go to Him and ask.

God be with you.