How can one succeed in marriage?

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Stanelake

Guest
#1
#1
I have this question not because I do not want to succeed or that I don't know how. But I have realized a great difficulty in maintaining a good environment between my wife and I. Sometimes I wish I did not love her because I would not be in such confusion and pain- I'm not claiming to be a victim. It becomes worse when we try to talk about it. Its as though we would be more prepared to fight than to make up- that's what confuses me because I know that I love her and don't enjoy fighting her. The more we try its as though we sink further down.
I try to pray but feel powerless.
:confused:What can I do? I am stuck.:confused:
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T

Tumnus

Guest
#2
#2
I'm so sorry for the difficulty you are both having, stanelake. Have you been able to pray for one another? Through the years I've been married I have learned that I have needed to pray less about "Lord, change him" to "Lord, change me". I have learned to ask God to teach me (on a daily basis) to become the wife and woman that Christ would have me to be first. Also, it helps me to delve into His Word...especially the I Peter 3 chapter and Ephesians 5:22-33. The key word I have found in these passages, which isn't always easy, is submission. We submit to each other as we submit to Christ.

I hope this helps a little. I will be lifting you two up in prayer. Sustaining a marriage is work, but the benefits are neverending.
 
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Psalm2713

Guest
#3
#3
read 1corinthians 13 everyday, even a few times daily.... :)
 
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dmdave17

Guest
#4
#4
Dear Stanelake,

You do not say whether your wife is also a believer, although she appears to be. I would suggest that both of you try working on your own relationships with God for a while, rather than focusing on your relationship with each other. Another contributor to this site, Anandahya (forgive me if I misspell her name), likes to compare marriage to a triangle; with God at the top and the spouses at the other corners. Her premise is that the closer you both get to God, the closer you get to each other.

It sounds like the devil is hard at work in your marriage. Some time alone with God might help both of you get your priorities more in line with His. And we know that His priority is for you to stay together in a close, loving relationship.

Treat your wife with love and respect. Try to avoid confrontation. Hopefully, if you both grow closer to God, you will see yourselves, and each other, in a new light.

God bless you in your struggle.
 
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Stanelake

Guest
#5
#5
Thanks so much to all of you. Actually the issues we have been facing are the ones that drove me to seek a place like this to meet people who could encourage me.​
 
B

Blackson

Guest
#6
#6
Stanelake said:
I have this question not because I do not want to succeed or that I don't know how. But I have realized a great difficulty in maintaining a good environment between my wife and I. Sometimes I wish I did not love her because I would not be in such confusion and pain- I'm not claiming to be a victim. It becomes worse when we try to talk about it. Its as though we would be more prepared to fight than to make up- that's what confuses me because I know that I love her and don't enjoy fighting her. The more we try its as though we sink further down.
I try to pray but feel powerless.
:confused:What can I do? I am stuck.:confused:
​
Click to expand...

Bro. Even before we pray we sometimes need to make up the differences between us. We can pray for God's guidance as we are ready to discuss.

The other thing we need to do is to first accept our own mistakes before we point to our partner's. Are you honest with yourself when it comes to seeing who is to blame. You need to open up to each other, accept each other's mistakes. You know what? wherever two quarrel, each has a problem. Do you understand your mistake?
 
Wonderland

Wonderland

Senior Member
#7
May 6, 2010
247
19
18
#7
Hi dear,

Maybe consider counseling. A lot of counselors can help you to communicate better. Men and women communicate very differently, but it isn't always well-received by the opposite gender, even if the person means well. Also, a counselor could help you to learn to manage your anger and have constructive conversations instead of blow ups or fights. It might help to get a neutral third party involved to help you help each other.

Be blessed.
 
Z

Zealot

Guest
#8
#8
You have to determine the source of the confusion and pain first, then you can determine what should be done, based on scripture. Remember that God is not the author of confusion...our fallen nature, sin, and Satan are...I firmly believe that most of the confusion and conflict in Christian marriage is because one or both partners is not functioning in their clearly defined roles, responsibilities. Don't expect most Christian counselors to counsel you based on the clear instruction of scripture. Pop psychology has crept its way well within the Christian circles. Men should not pursue being Christian husbands if they aren't determined to lead according to the Word of God, and women should not pursue being Christian wives if they aren't determined to follow according to the Word of God...that simple, really. That simple...lead in obedience, follow in obedience...and make that your joy and pleasure! Most conflict in my experiences is because of willful or unintentional out-of-order conduct...
 
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