how do you handle grief?

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notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
3,430
255
0
#1
are there things that help you cope? the great obvious, the Bible, prayer, spend time at Christ's feet.

but take a walk? smile at children playing? what makes you feel a little better, and what (other than time) diminishes the grief?

please share your suggestions, if you will.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#2
My youngest sister passed away June 19, 2009. She was 27, and it was sudden. I know the death of loved ones is never easy, but it seems like it is more of a punch to the gut if it is sudden and unexpected. The main thing that helped me after she passed away was knowing that SHE isn't dead. As a matter of fact, she is more alive than I am! For a long time, I talked to her (not praying, just talking to her). I know that we are separated for a time, but will be reunited. Eternity is longer than earthly life. Sometimes, I tell people that we did not lose her, because we know where she is. I can not imagine what it is like to mourn a person who is unsaved. That would be almost unbearable.

One of the things that helped me cope right after her death were hymns, and reading the stories behind hymns. Many were born out of grief. Another thing that helped my mother and me that first Christmas was Operation Christmas Child. We had zero desire to celebrate, but it was lots of fun buying things and packing shoe boxes.

I would say that one of the biggest things that gives me comfort is there were no hard feelings between us, the night before she died we were joking around. That means something to me, and I hate to hear about people who are estranged from family members, because I believe they will regret it if their family members die before things can be put right.
 

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
2,803
186
63
#3
are there things that help you cope? the great obvious, the Bible, prayer, spend time at Christ's feet.but take a walk? smile at children playing? what makes you feel a little better, and what (other than time) diminishes the grief?please share your suggestions, if you will.
Hi notmyown,I don't think I can offer any one thing in particular. It was time mostly. Carrying on with life and allowing God's comfort and presence to guide me - to continue on after a period of grief.

Now I smile when I think of those who have died in the Lord. A song may cause me to think of them, a book title, something I have that was theirs, hearing a teaching from a radio paster they use to listen to, steeping into B&N where we use to share a cappuccino or a frappe stuff like that.

And for those who died without the Lord, I carry on with hope that they might have cried out in the last moments of life and been saved right before they passed.
 

renewed_hope

Senior Member
May 9, 2016
1,924
106
63
#4
I know, when I am grieving, I immediately deny what happened, then when reality sets in I shut down and go into my room and cry. I know depending on the situation I have blamed God for them, but I am just hurting. After a couple days, I bury myself in work and chores once again denying what happened and I shut down again. I do this for about six months and slowly have to incorporate returning to normal.

I love you Ellie :)
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
558
33
28
#5
For a chunk of time I assumed that ignoring it was the way to go.....then I realized how dumb that was because it was there and wasn't going away.

Now, I just let myself remember. One of the best things about life is still being able to remember even if we can't keep someone or something alive. I could sort of go on forever so I'll stop and just say that lol.
 

HoneyDew

Senior Member
Apr 30, 2011
1,840
82
48
#6
My very best friend on earth of 30 years, died suddenly a year ago this week. It has been hard for me. What has helped me is time and talking to the Lord. I don't know what else to say as I still miss her. We prayed together, cried together laughed and did ministry together. She was the one to help me with my walk when I became a new Christian.

I even started to call her once then quickly remembered that I couldn't.

She was a great friend to me and I am thankful to God that He gave me such a friend. I don't believe that their is a time limit on grief. I still shed a tear when I think of her. What has made me smile through it all is that she LOVED the Lord and lived for Him and I believe that she is with Him rejoicing.

Yeah this is tough.....as I've said I talk to God about how I am feeling and that has helped me ALOT.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#7
I don't think I've ever felt grief.
 
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
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#8
are there things that help you cope? the great obvious, the Bible, prayer, spend time at Christ's feet.

but take a walk? smile at children playing? what makes you feel a little better, and what (other than time) diminishes the grief?

please share your suggestions, if you will.
I think there are two things that have gotten me through the lonely moments of my life - the Lord and my church.
 

LittleBit1987

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2014
5,210
148
63
#9
It doesn't go away... it may get easier at times... but the pain is there, always will be...

Going through old photos helped me... and seeing my loved ones in my dreams.

certain songs... but over all... grief doesn't go away. It's a constant pain... but it eases from time to time.
 
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
113
0
65
#10
It doesn't go away... it may get easier at times... but the pain is there, always will be...

Going through old photos helped me... and seeing my loved ones in my dreams.

certain songs... but over all... grief doesn't go away. It's a constant pain... but it eases from time to time.
My saddest time was when my dad died, but it didn't take long before he became a pleasant memory. What helps is understanding that I will see him again.
 
Jul 8, 2017
61
4
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#11
When my husband was in the military, he lost a good friend of his, someone he'd known for a long time. They were very close and it was hard to watch him try and cope with that loss. He withdrew for a while and became distant. I gave him space, but still made myself available to him. Eventually, he started to talk about it and you could almost see the light come back into his eyes. He still misses his friend, everyday, so that feeling of loss is still there, but he says remembering the good times they had goes a long way in coping with the grief. And...just...remembering to live (as he puts it).
 

WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
3,549
217
63
16
Row A, Column 9
#12
I have never really experienced grief before, but it still sucks because I know it will come and get me at some point. I just don't try to think about it too much, but I will most likely be like a frantic flailing fish on land when grief finally knocks on my door.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#13
In my life, I have never been touched with a great grief that was mine alone. For me, a huge way to work through my own grief was to reach out to others who were also grieving. It helped me in my own grief to know I was easing theirs.
 

Corbinscam

Senior Member
Jul 17, 2016
558
33
28
#14
My saddest time was when my dad died, but it didn't take long before he became a pleasant memory. What helps is understanding that I will see him again.
I'd agree with this. My grandpa was the only real dad I've ever known. When he died I stayed pretty lost. Until I let God teach me that this life isn't the end. Between that and memories it's not always so bad. But I'm sure I'll miss him till I die.
 
May 29, 2016
4,856
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#15
For my friend that committed suicide my counselor on her b-day had me get a balloon, write a note to her and send it off and watch it float away.

It was full of tears and I wanted to just cry for years but it's a good way to realise that stuff
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
3,430
255
0
#16
I don't think I've ever felt grief.
wow, really? a sense of loss, not necessarily from a death, but that causes you distress?

i'm not challenging your statement as though i know you, truly. it's just kinda amazing, and i appreciate you took the time to post this.
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
3,430
255
0
#17
For a chunk of time I assumed that ignoring it was the way to go.....then I realized how dumb that was because it was there and wasn't going away.

Now, I just let myself remember. One of the best things about life is still being able to remember even if we can't keep someone or something alive. I could sort of go on forever so I'll stop and just say that lol.
are you sure you're only 16? (quick, check your birth certificate! lol)

i wish i had had your attitude when i was forty-six.
i'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather.
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
3,430
255
0
#18
My very best friend on earth of 30 years, died suddenly a year ago this week. It has been hard for me. What has helped me is time and talking to the Lord. I don't know what else to say as I still miss her. We prayed together, cried together laughed and did ministry together. She was the one to help me with my walk when I became a new Christian.

I even started to call her once then quickly remembered that I couldn't.

She was a great friend to me and I am thankful to God that He gave me such a friend. I don't believe that their is a time limit on grief. I still shed a tear when I think of her. What has made me smile through it all is that she LOVED the Lord and lived for Him and I believe that she is with Him rejoicing.

Yeah this is tough.....as I've said I talk to God about how I am feeling and that has helped me ALOT.

thank you. i got excited to share something with her, and called mom last week and totally forgot till i got the robot saying the number had been disconnected. you're not alone in that. :)
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
3,430
255
0
#19
When my husband was in the military, he lost a good friend of his, someone he'd known for a long time. They were very close and it was hard to watch him try and cope with that loss. He withdrew for a while and became distant. I gave him space, but still made myself available to him. Eventually, he started to talk about it and you could almost see the light come back into his eyes. He still misses his friend, everyday, so that feeling of loss is still there, but he says remembering the good times they had goes a long way in coping with the grief. And...just...remembering to live (as he puts it).

i think at times (probably most of the time) it's harder to watch someone you love suffer than it is to suffer yourself. sounds like you did really well!

my husband tried to tell me this when our first child was born, and how very annoying it was to discover he was right.

;)
 

notmyown

Senior Member
May 26, 2016
3,430
255
0
#20
For my friend that committed suicide my counselor on her b-day had me get a balloon, write a note to her and send it off and watch it float away.

It was full of tears and I wanted to just cry for years but it's a good way to realise that stuff
my nieces did that when their little brother died. did it help?