How old is too old to spark?

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Lillywolf

Well-known member
Aug 29, 2018
1,562
543
113
#21
If you can't even spell the word "spank" (see thread title) correctly, then you shouldn't be doing it to your kids.. :)

lol
:LOL:
I read the thread title as is and thought it was about sex. Some people refer to that as spark or sparking. To which I was going to reply, as long as your flit is sparkey. :ROFL:

I too think it depends on the demeanor of the child. If the offense is something very serious it may serve to insure the child doesn't re-offend. However, beating someone thinking it will make them do better really is a convoluted idea. And it can have lasting effects long after the child grows up.
They can see pain as a means of gaining attention, for instance, because when they were a child they got their parents attention through wrong doing. This can lead to co-dependency in relationship with others when the child is an adult. It can also lead a grown child of the spanking discipline to seek abusive romantic relationships.

My cousin was in a parochial school where corporal punishment was enforced. It had devastating effects in his later years because he suffered under a paddle method of corporal discipline for 10 years.
Why not try to talk to a child when they do wrong? Explain things.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#22
Many spank with a wrong motive and out of anger, rather than in a
calm knowledgable way.

I was never spanked as a child, the only time was when I was
about 7 or 8. I was playing a school recorder and my much older brother
who is 11 years older, was playing something else. I was just a child put he
apparently didn’t appreciate my music as he took the recorder off me and
carried on with what he was doing.

Mum was out of thd house at the time.

I was mad that he had spoilt my enjoyment but was carrying on with his own
music. So I remember shouting at him as it was so unjust and I grabbed the recorder
back then ran.

He chased me and put me other her knee giving me a spank/slap on the behind.

I was a tough little thing and refused to cry so he did it again maybe on the third
time I think I started crying. So then he let me go. It was supppse to teach me a
lesson. But what lesson exactly. That grown ups can do what they want and get
their own way, but children can’t.

I would not speak to him for weeks but remember feeling shocked and upset
at the injustice.

So if you are going to spank you had better make sure you do it for the right
reasons and that the punishment fits the crime. Rather than out of frustration
or anger.

I’m sure as adults there are many times we have acted badly, how would we
feel if the punishment was for another adult to whack you.

In adult to adult its called assault, adult to child is called acceptable.

As I say I can understand a quick light tap on a young child who does not
know certain dangers. But once they do get to an age of understanding then
talk to them, ground them, remove privileges etc. Children respond to love just
like adults do. Problems happen when things, stuff, replaces love and children
end up being spoilt. Or where love is none existent.

Also can i just raise another question, what about mentally disabled or autistic,
children. Or even dyslexic kids who get easily frustrated. Should they be
spanked for having less self control and less capacity to understand than others,
Wouldn’t that be cruelty.

Just to end on a high note, at church we have a massive children’s work.
On Saturday we have nearly 400 children who come to kids club, mostly from
non Christian families. On Sundays we have just as many in Sunday school.

Some have special needs for various reasons. Others have adhd or are very
naughty at home. For the special needs kids they have one to one attention.

But for the ADHD kids and the naughty ones, they always behave themselves!
The parents are often gob smacked as they can barely get them to sit still, let
alone do anything with them at home. Yet the church atmosphere, the fun, the
games thd stories, they love them and they behave impeccably. 🙂 Jesus makes the
difference.

I went on children’s camps for several years too. On most camps we had one or two
kids who were naughty. At the start of the week they were out of control. But gradually
as they relaxed and had fun, they chilled out and realised they did not have to be
naughty to get our attention and have fun. They always went home different kids.

Some came from awful backgrounds, they were stressed, anxious etc. But they
flourished under a Godly loving fun week. It’s just a pity we had to send them
home back to their old lives, although we did try to make sure they had
contact with their local churches.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#23
I should mention, I never spanked my daughter once, not because she was a girl, but because she was well behaved from the time of 6 months.

She remains a totally emotionally controlled adult. She did everything right. Her husband is a doctor, and they are expecting their first child. Amazing that she just figured out the rules, and then obeyed then. Probably more like my husband than me!
 
M

Miri

Guest
#24
I should mention, I never spanked my daughter once, not because she was a girl, but because she was well behaved from the time of 6 months.

She remains a totally emotionally controlled adult. She did everything right. Her husband is a doctor, and they are expecting their first child. Amazing that she just figured out the rules, and then obeyed then. Probably more like my husband than me!

Oh I am sure you are a good little girl too, lol
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
113
#25
I thought this post was going to be about elderly people falling in love.
 

GodsGrace101

Well-known member
Sep 14, 2018
2,225
517
113
#26
The question that has came up in out household lately is just that. How old is too old to get a spanking?
The spark thread would have been more interesting than the spank thread.
Too bad.
:(

JK
Actually, I don't think kids should be spanked.
A little tap when they're little...2, 3 years old.
After that it depends on whether or not they respect you and what you tell them.

Spanking takes away self-resepect.
 

blueluna5

Well-known member
Jul 30, 2018
534
318
63
#27
No kid over 3 should really need spanked and if your doing it all the time there's something wrong. Once your able to really communicate with a kid spanking is not needed. Time out, go to room, take away toys, logical consequences works much more effectively.

Spanking is more for a quick response. Don't touch the stove, don't run on the road, don't bite, etc. Quick enough to just gain the kids attention but not enough to actually hurt. They would cry simply from the shock of it, not the pain if that makes sense.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
113
#28
Proverbs warns against sparing the rod, but it also emphasizes the importance of following a father and mother's teaching. Parents should do a lot of teaching, not just whack kids.

I can't say an exact age for not spanking kids. I don't spank as much as my parents did, and they laid off of that as we got older, for the most part around 10 or so probably. I rarely spanked my kids, and tried to just a little when I did, the minimum amount needed. My kids are fairly well behaved. It works better on little kids, and I agree with the 'shock' rather than just really inflicting a lot of pain. Most of the time that is the best course.

I spanked for other stuff besides trying to touch the hot stove. Mainly for rebellion or the lazy type of disobedience. With little ones, I'd spank for hitting mommy or daddy.... a big no, saying 'no' in a rebellious manner to parents. That sort of thing is a big no-no. If you don't teach your children to respect and obey you, you are setting them up to sin throughout their childhood, and it isn't good for them. Learning to follow rules, respect authority, and function in a household teaches them to function in life.

I don't think parents should ever spank for things like accidentally spilling the lemonade or accidentally breaking a glass or plate-- just being clumsy, even if it's breaking grandma's antique plate that's worth a million dollars. That's clumsiness, not rebellion.
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
16,724
10,530
113
77
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#29
Each child is different. What works with one might not affect another. Their environment makes a lot of difference also. My daughter was raised an only child until she was 9. We had a friend moved in with us for a while with two boys. From 2 years to 9 years she did need any spankings. When the boys moved in, one was really out of control, but she sided with him a couple of times against the younger boy. She got a couple of spankings until she figured it wasn't worth it. The second family had three kids, I had to start over.
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,163
6,523
113
#30
Usually, every three to five thousand miles........then I suggest you change the plugs, or your car will start running rough and not getting good gas mileage.
 
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
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#31
I should mention, I never spanked my daughter once, not because she was a girl, but because she was well behaved from the time of 6 months.

She remains a totally emotionally controlled adult. She did everything right. Her husband is a doctor, and they are expecting their first child. Amazing that she just figured out the rules, and then obeyed then. Probably more like my husband than me![/QUOTE
=========================================================
ang, as much as we love you, we have to tell you that you are living in a 'fantasy' world', where you WISH or maybe even
THINK that your loved ones will choose the 'right path'! OMG, - just a share, do your 'home-work', and look at your own life? -
leave the rest up to our Beloved Saviour,,,
 
L

Locoponydirtman

Guest
#32
So much to say on the matter and typing it into this forum from phone seems an insurmountable task.
At the on set of puberty for the short answer. Never spank a child after they begin puberty, they will rebel, but also never say never. There may well be that necessary after puberty spanking especially for boys.
Spanking should not be the primary tool in the arsenal. The idea behind spanking is to teach self correction. I know that don't seem to make sense but it works like touching a hot skillet.
Consequences for failing to meet standards for behavior need to start when they are not even walking yet. Of you wait until they understand complex language you are on the deficit side of teaching critical behavior standards. I say standards because rules don't teach principles. Behavior standards teach principles and critical thinking about appropriate action in various situations. Just as the law never saved anyone neither will rules. To me the Bible has so many things to teach us; from broad scope principles to personal pin point directives. Basically I modeled behavior I'm my home after the Bible. I wanted to write in my children a life encompassing philosophy that would guide their lives. Not an ever growing rule book amended for every emerging situation.
Here is an example: We had general guidelines as to what bed time is, we simply made sure they understood that they needed 8 hour and made sure they understood what time they needed to get up. If they failed to get enough sleep they were not allowed to drag around and whine and throw fits. That behavior got spanked. Then at the end of the day we discussed with them about how they failed to recognize the appropriate bed time even with us giving them the answer.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
24,320
12,851
113
#33
8 and 12. We haven’t spanked the oldest for the last couple years and now she has an attitude about why can her sister get punished quickly and she is grounded... I guess we didn’t stop for any reason just seemed to go with the age.
Age 12 should be the limit in my view. Perhaps even earlier.
 
Sep 23, 2018
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#34
I'd say once they get to a certain height. It doesn't make too much sense to bend certain age groups over your knee or the couch. But I think a firm hand goes a long way. It certainly did for me!
 

memyselfi

Junior Member
Jan 12, 2017
503
260
63
#36
I count on spell check... I usually pick the wrong word...lol Once I picked genitals for gentiles… lol... talk about embarrassing... but people get what you are saying anyway and they are just idiots who make fun of spelling....

I was spanked with wooden spoons, pots and pans, leather belt (where ever it landed)… In fact when I was about 6 or 7 I would dress in layers of cloths so it would not hurt so bad. One time I put a dipper down my pants, my mom heard the loud thump when the belt hit my butt she made me strip...

I was one of those that grew up not believing in hitting your children just for anything, but I do belie in spanking for direct disobedience or life or death situation. When my son was two he got a spanking for running onto the road... by my hand... When he was about 4 or 5 my step-mom picked up a flip-flop to spank him.... I stepped in and said you will never just pick up the closest thing to spank my child, he will not live in fear anything can be a weapon. She dropped it...

When my niece was 15 she did not come home all night … I put her over my lap and spanked her so hard my hand hurt... She laughed but it was in front of her mom, my sister, and she never did it again.

The only two spankings I have ever given. The way my son was disciplined was he was sat facing the wall; he could sit there for 2 sec. or two hours... it was up to him to decide how long until obeyed me. Usually two seconds, but I remember one tie he sat for over an hour before he decided to do his homework. … I did not play... "do your homework or sit facing the wall until you decide to do it, you can sit for a second or all nigh but you obey me".

My final thought... the most important... I do believe Scripture, "Spare the rod hate the child", but I believe that is referring to the "Rod" of Jessie, Yeshua is that Rod (raising a child in the way he/she shall go)… and not a literal spanking.
 

Kaps89

Well-known member
Nov 19, 2018
219
305
63
Kent, England
#37
Here in the UK disciplining your children physically has been a pretty hot topic for the last few years and I'm sure you can actually get into trouble for spanking your kid. Although having said that it hasn't stopped people from doing it.

I remember being spanked as a child and having my mouth washed out with soap when I used foul language. I don't have children of my own but I guess I'd probably say that I wouldn't spank a child unless they'd done something incredibly serious and even then it would be a stretch that I'd actually do it.

T
 

Becca12

Junior Member
May 20, 2014
54
22
8
#38
My last spanking was when i was 12 and I think that it was more embarrassing for dad so he never did it again. I didn't even get spanked that much anyways but by the time I was 12 dad stopped.
 

Kristian57

Junior Member
Feb 3, 2016
20
3
3
Australia
#39
...When my niece was 15 she did not come home all night … I put her over my lap and spanked her so hard my hand hurt... She laughed but it was in front of her mom, my sister, and she never did it again.
Personally, I don't think it was your right or place to spank your niece for not coming home all night. That was for her parents to do, should they choose to spank for that.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#40
Here in the UK disciplining your children physically has been a pretty hot topic for the last few years and I'm sure you can actually get into trouble for spanking your kid. Although having said that it hasn't stopped people from doing it.

I remember being spanked as a child and having my mouth washed out with soap when I used foul language. I don't have children of my own but I guess I'd probably say that I wouldn't spank a child unless they'd done something incredibly serious and even then it would be a stretch that I'd actually do it.

T
You wouldn’t be able to do that now, all the additives and chemicals would
kill you! Lol