Husband addicted to porn,drugs,lies

[lavender_lily]

I'm sorry to hear about this...I pray that the Lord will transform your husband into a true believer. He may go to church...but he isn't bearing godly "fruit". I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling. All you can do is cling to God and consistantly ask him to reveal Himself to your husband, while setting a good example for him. Once God starts to deal with him....don't expect him to be better overnight....sometimes when people are being confronted with sin...they can get worse, at first, becasue knowing that it's wrong makes it all the more tempting for them. He's been dealing with this for years....and that's because he hasn't allowed God to change him.

 

[leelee25]

i just dropped in to tell you not to give up on him. God honors your prayers and he will work in his own time. God has a reason for everything. My husband was saved for three years and then I just left him for another man and going out to clubs and staying so drunk I couldnt lift my head off the pillow the next day. I was in bad shape and it could have been alot worse if him and many others wouldnt have been praying for me. I even divorced him 2 months after leaving him and I had been with him for 8 years. But one day almost 2 years ago GOD SAVED ME and put us back together. I'm giving you my testimony to encourge you not to give up on him. My husband didnt give up on me and after five years of him serving god by himself we serve the lord together with our WHOLE HEART!! I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

 

[Lifelike]

I dont know what to do. Been with him for 15 years, have 3 wonderful children, but he wont change. He moved out 3 weeks ago and is begging to come back home, but hasnt changed. This is the 3rd time he has had to move out over these things. In the beginning I blamed myself, I thought he wasnt interested in me sexually because I wasnt pretty enough or becuase I wasnt good in bed. Later I thought he must have a low sex drive or maybe he is gay. Now I know that he is addicted to porn and masturbation and that he prefers this to having sex with me. I have lived this for 15 years. Im 30 years old, im an attractive woman and he's just not into me sexually. He takes prescription pills, gets them off the street and hides them. He smoked pot for years and then traded this habit for the pills. He lies to me about the porn and pills and has destroyed my trust in him. We are both christains and he believes that these habits are bad but divorcing over them are not justified according to God. We go to church together, but after church when he leaves home he's right back at it again, and of course he just denies it all. He wants to come back home but he hasnt changed, he's in complete denial about all of this. I dont even understand why he wants to be married, he's very satisfied with pleasing himself so I know he isnt missing out on sex, and he hates the fact that I have no tolerence for drugs and lies. So what does he want from me?? Ive prayed and prayed for God to change him or for God to change me so that I can accept his behavior or for God to just put it in his heart to let me go. What should I do?? He seems so clueless, he thinks that because he has good intentions (he wants to quit drugs, porn, lies, and masturbation) but he doesnt quit. It's like he likes the idea of being a good christain man, a good husband and father and he thinks that someday he'll get there but when will that be, how does someone just put something like that off?? And how long am i supposed to wait, ive been waiting for 15 years and its always the same. please help.......

I think its good that you have realized its not because of you, that your not attractive, or pretty enough. These addictions can go back a long time and they can be VERY hard to break. i think the key though is to let someone into your heart and life that can help with the underlying issues and reasons why we act certain ways, and i believe that MOST of the time it needs to be with someone other than your wife, someone preferably in ministry, who is anointed to speak into your life and break things over you. while ever he battles it on his own he is very limited, it usually takes the help of someone "outside" the situation who has a different perspective. They need to be non judgemental but also strong enough to aid him without being defiled himself. He needs to let someone in, he needs accountabilty, ultimately he needs to let God into these areas but God usually uses others until we are able to stand on her own. There is a way! it is possible. God CAN do all things, but our will is involved and we need help. I believe in these times God is requiring us to be more accountable to our leaders more than ever. If we really want to move forward we need to trust the anointing they have for us and engage it with everything we have. i would really hate to hear that something like this ended your relationship, the reason he denies it and hides it is because hes ashamed and doesnt know how to deal with it. he tries for a time not to do it but there is still things in him that want it and before long he cannot resist the desire. He's in need of a savior. Its only when God can get into the places where the desires have taken root that he can be freed. i would advise that you look into "restoration" teachings. Harold Dewberry has some awesome stuff on these topics and is one of the forerunners in the revelation of the need for restoration to bring freedom in Christ. Feel free to drop me a line if you want to know any thing further. All the best & God Bless.

 

[Dasani]

Hey Taco,
I understand what you're going through. I am 23 and have been with my highschool sweetheat for 5 years. I was shocked to discover that he watches porn probably when we first started dating, but we had been friends for so long and always viewed him to have very strong morals. I thought it was no big deal at first because he would surf the internet and we would kind of joke about some of the sites. Anyways I remember it getting to a point where I told him he probably wouldn't appriciate me looking up guys all night with him. A few years later I caught him on one of those sex sites where you can connect with locals and have your own profile. It was a side of him I wish I had never seen. Then he started going to strip clubs with his friends . We broke up over it. eventually we have gotten back together and I still catch porn on his computer (every time i have ever checked). We don't live together, but I am always extremely curious in the evenings when hes "busy" and he never calls me until hes ready to crash. Every intuition I have ever had about him whether it be smoking pot/porn/strippers, I have always been right. This does not help my anxiety! I feel the same as taco when she says, I don't know why he wants to be in relationship. They seem to be the ones satisfied without us, and can't tolerate our suspicions even though they are true. And we are left feeling so devestated and undesired, and unappriciated.
My main concern is, 5 yrs dating my best friend growing up, I don't know if things will ever change and I don't want to be in this boat 5 more years from now. My biggest struggle, is feeling like we are in eachothers lives for a purpose, and I wouldn't want to turn my back on him, I do love him so much. I would do anything to help us even if we are not meant to stay together. I believe he was in my life early because I needed his guidance. I am so thankful for God to have had my boyfriend in my life at that time, now I hope I can return the favour.
Am I making a terrible mistake? I often feel I should get out now before I'm blinded by love and will be dealing with these issues for the rest of my life..

 

[lisav]

Hi... i am sorry you are going thru this.... i have been thru something similar and eventually we got divorced we had kids and it was hard... i gave him an ulitatium to leave and seek God and i would keep my heart open to him but i would need to see him changed i would have to KNOW that this time we would be moving on... i didnt judge him but i left him to God... in my view pornography is a form of adultery and i used to feel disgusted that i was so ugly he would rather stare at these women..and i would never be so perfect as them. we hardly had sex and very little intimacy i longed for passion and initamcy and trust! I sought help from the church through it all and God was awesome but my ex didnt want to surrender or change he made a choice... I had to deal with my stuff and choose not to judge and i still pray for him now and i pray he will find freedom... for me God brought along another guy and now i am married with a new baby my children are happy and still see their dad.... God is still at work in me and in him and God has been gracious to me and my family I now know how marriage was meant to be and its a place with struggles and challanges but also a safe haven a place for growth and fruit all glory to God... please find your peace you cant fix your husband and you didnt make him make his choices... lift your judgements and ask the Lord whats next one day at a time... and remember he treats us as individuals ... i can only share my walk and hope there is some treasure in it for you... be at peace xxxx

 

[halaluyah]

Do not blame yourself, He must want to Change, You cannot make him Change. It is a shame that so many men think Pron is alright. It is sin from the beginning. It is not right. Do not give up praying for him, He can Change. GOD Can do anything. Pray for him everyday that GOD Will get a Hold of him. He will do it

 

[Sissy2many]

Taco I know what your going thur I have been there myself with my husband. All hope isn't gone trust me I have been married to my husband for 12 years. and in that 12 years most of it was around the porn and lies. What I done was gave my husband a choice his porn or his family. Simple as that we have a child and I made it clear that I didn't have to live like this and I wasn't going to and my son wasn't either. Your husband needs to relize he has alot to lose with what he is doing. This could be coming from something that happened to him when he was a child .I hope he knows it's not just you he is hurting but, his kids and Himself. Ask him to get help and them both of you get help together.

 

[motojojo]

Wow, so much pain and suffering, my heart goes out to you all. He is addicted to a big fat demon named lust tell him these come out by fasting and prayer and with Gods grace he will WIN! He has to want it he can't let that thing back in. Don't give up fight the good fight. I will Pray for all of you. GOD BLESS YOU and the peace of GOD be with you.

 

[Room41]

Drugs porn and lying go together and Drugs take the place of a person. I am saying that from experience. Don't think for one minute that it has anything to do with you.
Now as for him wanting to change but doesn't. That is one of the battles of an addict. For those that have changed and QUlT doing drugs. Something happens in there life that wakes them up.... like loosing something very important.
In my case jail did not stop me I didn't care... loosing my wife...my daughter...jobs...cars...my house...my last girl friend killed her self from a heroin overdose that stopped me for 3 weeks...I was found on the side of the street with barely a heartbeat that did not stop me.
This last time I got arrested I was going to loose my 16 year old dog and go to prison for 5 years...that stopped me.
It sounds like your husband loves you and your children. He wants to do good and he wants to stay together.
Telling him to leave the house is not good enough for him to want to change. Maybe almost following through with divorce will ... get the paperwork fill it out just don't turn it in. He may change. The thought of loosing you his children his family might wake him up. I say this respectfully.

Steve

 

[Willie-T]

Steve,
Someone is bound to tell you this post is years old.... as though that somehow makes the topic irrelevant. You can ignore those posts when they come, but really don't get confused that you are giving advice to a specific person who is no longer here. Your testimony is good anytime.

 

[Room41]

I wasn't paying attention to the dates. Thank you for telling me

 

[Wheezerone]

No sex for four years - I got you beat - first marriage 12 years no sex - second marriage - 12 years = 24 years no sex. Drives me crazy sometimes. I have to be honest, even as a Christian my eye wanders to these immoral sites and I start looking - masturbating isn't something new - and I think its better than cheating on your spouse. I'm not excusing myself - no - I'm very much guilty - guilty that Satan knows the exact buttons to push - he knows my weakness and uses it - I tried praying and pleaded that God would chase him out - sometimes I win - sometimes I don't. Don't think I don't feel guilty because I do.

 

[Born_Again]

Ummm, wow! Yea.... so, its a beautiful day today. Light clouds and a decent breeze.

 

[persontalkto]

Hi Taco I am 22 years old going into my two years of marriage and we have two kids and my husband is addicted to porn, marijuana, hanging out with his friends everyday and night. I check the history on my computer every night and my husband looks up porn and masturbates almost every night but he also wants to have sex every night (sorry if thats to much information). My husbands grandmother said he has been struggling with porn since before he started having sex. All I do is pray that the Lord deliver him from those things and I talk to him and tell him how it makes me feel. He slowed down on the porn a little but he hasn't given it up yet. I guess we they feel like you are trying to be their mother they want to do it more or something don't quite know. But a wise woman once told me "Don't depend on a man for your happiness God brings you happiness". If you keep praying for him and let the God be your love, joy, and happiness he will come around. If he see that you are always happy and he haven't been the one putting that smile on your face he will want to join in.Just do your job as a wife and be submissive to your husband because when it is all said and done you are doing your part and you will have to go before God for yourself. I'm not telling you to give up on him just saying keep doing your part and praying to God for your marriage and that will be his choice to follow Jesus. You know that there is nothing to hard for God just put him in Gods hand.

If you happen to see this is your husband's name Josh?

 

[voiceinthewild]

I've been drug and alcohol free for years. I very rarely looked at porn when I was married (moments of weakness). I worked and took care of her and my daughter. I did all I could to be obedient to God.

She left me for some stranger off the internet. She then got a well-paying job as a hospital chaplain while she was in the middle of her affair. I lost my family and everything for which I had worked.

I wish I'd had a faithful wife who wanted to stay with me when I was a good Christian husband and father. I wonder if she would have stayed with me if I had been addicted to drugs and porn and lying.



By the way, in response to this quote below, there was no Mosaic Law at the time Onan did this.

Sweetie,

The scripture does not explicitly state "do not spill your seed". The case of Onan is that he did so in pleasuring himself with his deceased brother's widow. He was supposed to raise up off spring on behalf of his brother so that the inheritance remained in the family. This was a provision of the Law. He took advantage without responsibility. God condemned him for it.

PS. This was not the same thing as masturbation.

 

[Deidre]

No sex for four years - I got you beat - first marriage 12 years no sex - second marriage - 12 years = 24 years no sex. Drives me crazy sometimes. I have to be honest, even as a Christian my eye wanders to these immoral sites and I start looking - masturbating isn't something new - and I think its better than cheating on your spouse. I'm not excusing myself - no - I'm very much guilty - guilty that Satan knows the exact buttons to push - he knows my weakness and uses it - I tried praying and pleaded that God would chase him out - sometimes I win - sometimes I don't. Don't think I don't feel guilty because I do.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this. My prayers are with you. God knows your heart and it seems like a really tough test to go through in a marriage.

 

[oldethennew]

it really is amazing that people think a 'piece of paper' makes a marriage in God's eyes...

 

[Silverwings]

Hey Taco,
I understand what you're going through. I am 23 and have been with my highschool sweetheat for 5 years. I was shocked to discover that he watches porn probably when we first started dating, but we had been friends for so long and always viewed him to have very strong morals. I thought it was no big deal at first because he would surf the internet and we would kind of joke about some of the sites. Anyways I remember it getting to a point where I told him he probably wouldn't appriciate me looking up guys all night with him. A few years later I caught him on one of those sex sites where you can connect with locals and have your own profile. It was a side of him I wish I had never seen. Then he started going to strip clubs with his friends . We broke up over it. eventually we have gotten back together and I still catch porn on his computer (every time i have ever checked). We don't live together, but I am always extremely curious in the evenings when hes "busy" and he never calls me until hes ready to crash. Every intuition I have ever had about him whether it be smoking pot/porn/strippers, I have always been right. This does not help my anxiety! I feel the same as taco when she says, I don't know why he wants to be in relationship. They seem to be the ones satisfied without us, and can't tolerate our suspicions even though they are true. And we are left feeling so devestated and undesired, and unappriciated.
My main concern is, 5 yrs dating my best friend growing up, I don't know if things will ever change and I don't want to be in this boat 5 more years from now. My biggest struggle, is feeling like we are in eachothers lives for a purpose, and I wouldn't want to turn my back on him, I do love him so much. I would do anything to help us even if we are not meant to stay together. I believe he was in my life early because I needed his guidance. I am so thankful for God to have had my boyfriend in my life at that time, now I hope I can return the favour.
Am I making a terrible mistake? I often feel I should get out now before I'm blinded by love and will be dealing with these issues for the rest of my life..

Yes, get out now!!