I am struggling with a decision to have a second child

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emcmahon2288

Guest
#21
#21
My little one is 16 months and yes it would be nice if he had some Christian friends but he doesn't have them because he thinks they are no fin and boring. He thinks that they are all their wives puppets because they do what their wives tell them to do. Like I said before I would love to have more children but if I'm going to be the only one taking care if them I Can't do it. I'm not exactly sure how this man will ever come to Christ
 
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Ugly

Guest
#23
#23
emcmahon.. using the 'reply with quote' button each time you respond to someone makes it much easier to know who you're directing your responses to.

Also i would caution against having another child after skimming over some of your more recent posts. The attitude he portrays is a selfish, arrogant person who believes you should be grateful for his very existence in your life and that you owe him something for stepping down to marry you. This attitude is very common among people who are abusive. I'm not saying that he is abusive, or even that he will become such. But as long as he maintains that attitude you will want to keep an eye on how he treats and talks to you. Hopefully it never gets any worse than it is now. But keeping your eyes open for a possibility is always wise.
 
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Sonpointer

Guest
#24
#24
Ugly said:
emcmahon.. using the 'reply with quote' button each time you respond to someone makes it much easier to know who you're directing your responses to.

Also i would caution against having another child after skimming over some of your more recent posts. The attitude he portrays is a selfish, arrogant person who believes you should be grateful for his very existence in your life and that you owe him something for stepping down to marry you. This attitude is very common among people who are abusive. I'm not saying that he is abusive, or even that he will become such. But as long as he maintains that attitude you will want to keep an eye on how he treats and talks to you. Hopefully it never gets any worse than it is now. But keeping your eyes open for a possibility is always wise.
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Thanks, Ugly!
 
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emcmahon2288

Guest
#25
#25
Ugly said:
emcmahon.. using the 'reply with quote' button each time you respond to someone makes it much easier to know who you're directing your responses to.

Also i would caution against having another child after skimming over some of your more recent posts. The attitude he portrays is a selfish, arrogant person who believes you should be grateful for his very existence in your life and that you owe him something for stepping down to marry you. This attitude is very common among people who are abusive. I'm not saying that he is abusive, or even that he will become such. But as long as he maintains that attitude you will want to keep an eye on how he treats and talks to you. Hopefully it never gets any worse than it is now. But keeping your eyes open for a possibility is always wise.
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Message for Ugly
Hahaha sorry about my communication I'm new to this and I'm still figuring out how to use this. Did I do it right this time. I try to answer back to the ones who wrote to me and I can't seem to get it right lol sorry about that
 
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Relena7

Guest
#26
#26
My mom's dad was a police man, so he was on call all the time. And he was from an older generation and he still helped change the diapers of all his kids. AND he did some of the cooking, because he was a better cook than my grandma. It is not unmanly to help raise the children. I think it is more manly to do so. The husband should be the leader of the household, and if the wife does more work than the husband does, doesn't that make her the "leader"? An uninvolved man's work ends when his paid work shift ends. The mom's work is 24/7. Both parents should share the load. It is not selfish or unreasonable to want that.


Here is an interesting list I found online of what a yearly wage of mother's work would add up to if it were in fact a paid job, according to the bureau of labor statistics.



(I agree with the people who suggest you should see a different counselor)
 
C

CRC

Guest
#27
#27
This concern must be communicated to your husband. It is often not what you say but how you say it that opens the ears and heart of the listener! Pray to God to bless your effort to honor your marriage by communicating the anxiety of your heart. Even faithful Abraham and Sarah needed to communicate on sensitive family issues.(Genesis 21:10-13)
The way wives and husbands communicate is important. “Pleasant sayings are . . . sweet to the soul and a healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24) Whether a mate is a believer or not, the Bible counsel applies: “Let your utterance be always with graciousness, seasoned with salt,” that is, in good taste. (Colossians 4:6) When one has had a difficult day, a few kind, sympathetic words from one’s mate can do much good. “As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.” (Proverbs 25:11) The tone of voice and the choice of words are very important. For example, in an irritated, demanding manner, one may tell the other: “Shut that door!” But how much more “seasoned with salt” are the words, said in a calm, understanding voice, “Would you mind closing the door, please?”
Good communication flourishes when there are gently spoken words, gracious looks and gestures, kindness, understanding, and tenderness.
 
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emcmahon2288

Guest
#28
#28
Relena7 said:
My mom's dad was a police man, so he was on call all the time. And he was from an older generation and he still helped change the diapers of all his kids. AND he did some of the cooking, because he was a better cook than my grandma. It is not unmanly to help raise the children. I think it is more manly to do so. The husband should be the leader of the household, and if the wife does more work than the husband does, doesn't that make her the "leader"? An uninvolved man's work ends when his paid work shift ends. The mom's work is 24/7. Both parents should share the load. It is not selfish or unreasonable to want that.


Here is an interesting list I found online of what a yearly wage of mother's work would add up to if it were in fact a paid job, according to the bureau of labor statistics.



(I agree with the people who suggest you should see a different counselor)
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My husband use to work very hard because he started on his company. Now his company is Doing well he doesn't work as much as he use to. No matter what he does I respect but I can't stand him being the typical Macho man where I take care if the house and kids and he works period.
 
homwardbound

homwardbound

Senior Member
#29
Oct 24, 2012
16,906
617
113
#29
emcmahon2288 said:
My little one is 16 months and yes it would be nice if he had some Christian friends but he doesn't have them because he thinks they are no fin and boring. He thinks that they are all their wives puppets because they do what their wives tell them to do. Like I said before I would love to have more children but if I'm going to be the only one taking care if them I Can't do it. I'm not exactly sure how this man will ever come to Christ
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Praying for God's words to permeate not man's and it will be done as prayed, they will permeate and a decision will be consciously made.

And praying for your struggles

While the storm goes on, look for God to calm the storm as it is going on, and that does not mean it to go the way you or Hubby wants it to. God always has a plan in the midst of all our adversities, and God will come through as to us the people.
Trust God in you to show you and to do as God leads you, and that is to live above any and all adversity
I can't tell you to leave or to stay, I would be a small nut that grew into a mighty oak tree though and stand my ground. You both got into this together, so either get out apart or seek through trusting God to bring it together. Sometimes it takes leaving for the other to realize what they are taking for granted.
 
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savedandIknowit

Senior Member
#30
Sep 26, 2013
138
0
16
#30
in my experience, men some men are hard to live with, when they are like this I would go into singleparent mode, like their oppinion dont matter any more like tuning him out, like they arent there anymore, then focus all your attention on Jesus, praying without ceasing, God will shut your eyes to what he is doing and youl only worry about you and your walk with the Lord and your charactor, He'l teach you so much, youl see your husband will see that you wont be the groveller while he stands tall in his calamity, Let God deal with him, while you get strong in God
 
shrimp

shrimp

Senior Member
#31
Aug 28, 2011
1,188
39
48
#31
Sit down and do NOTHING for one day. Give yourself a break. Let the house fall apart. Don't cook, don't clean. pick up a book and start reading. Remind him of what it was like before you came along.
Taking care of the house is NOT just a woman's job. Just like "bread winning" is not just the man's job.
When he finally approaches you in a civil manner, cause at first he will be ugly, state the following in a calm sincere manner:

When you don't help around the house, I feel: unappreciated, used, and demeaned.

Then you be quiet and see what he says, if anything.

If this approach doesn't work then I suggest you go about your days as normal and schedule a day to go out and SHOP TIL YOU DROP. Get your frustrations out, get out of the rut a little, and get a hobby! Hobbies may seem impossible with your busy schedule, but the are possible. Hobbies can be anything. One of my hobbies was trying a new flavor every time I visited the ice cream spot.

If you stay rooted in your daily rut you'll begin to feel like crap. I mean it! You'll feel like you aren't accomplishing a darned thing! Expand a little! Make new friends! Go out with old friends!
 
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