Ok, so yesterday my 8 year old who has ADHD threw a tantrum like none other. I was so frustrated with him yelling and me trying to communicate to him that when he threw himself on the floor, I grabbed him by his arms to pick him back up. I was so angry that I guess I didn't realize how hard I grabbed him. Just tonight when he was getting ready for bed. I saw that I left some pretty nasty marks. I walked out and just started bawling. I don't think he realized the marks I left on his body. I've NEVER done this to any of my children. I don't know what got into me for me to hurt him like that. I'm also worried about my ex finding out about it, as my kids do go to his house on Tuesdays and Wednesdays because I have class those nights. It was a horrible divorce to go through and I know that if he finds out he is totally going to call social services on me. I'm also worried about school finding out. I just don't want my kids taken away because of something like this. I deserve it though as the marks are just horrible. But, like I've said, this has never happened. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying, it's just really hard for me to believe that I actually did that, and how am I supposed to explain it to his not so understandable father.
Wow, that is so hard. As a mother of a child with ADHD and a not so understanding (drunk & addicted) father, I understand.
My son's doctors told me he had the worst case of ADHD he had ever seen. Many of his teachers agreed. Medication only worked sometimes. My life was about watching over him to make sure he didnt end up dead. When he was 12, he jumped over a moving car with a ramp and his bike and had his friends take a picture. He was the most AMAZING child I have ever seen.
I have learned over the years to come up with positive words for his disability so as not to wound his self esteem. He is absolutely without a doubt the most out of control child I have ever seen. He just turned 18 and he has the biggest heart of all my children and he is still the most exasperating child you ever want to know.
Anyway, I am not a hitter. I am not saying I didnt give a swat on the butt when they were little or maybe a tap on the fingers to not touch, or a little tap on the mouth for language. But not hitting or spanking. Not ever.
One day, this child, God I love him so, but he had me so angry, and so frustrated, and so scared, I grabbed him and whaled on his butt like I dont even know what. He was around 8 or 9. I was so upset with myself all I did was cry and cry and cry. I have never done it since and still think about why would I do such a thing.
He forgave me. Like I said, he has a big heart. His father never said anything to me about it. But I dont know what I would have done if he did.
I know you need to forgive yourself, ask God to forgive you, ask your son to forgive you and move on. You love your child. Pray more for him and for you then you ever have before. Pray that your ex will help you and not try to use this against you. I will pray for you as well. I know EXACTLY what its like to be in your situation. Prayer helps I promise it does. Every time he frustrates you, even if its only a 1 minute prayer in the supermarket, pray to God for strength and guidance.
In Prayer and God Bless
Debbie
P.S. next time, leave him on the floor, as long as he isnt hurting anyone, let him go at it, trust me, the people at Walmart or the grocery store have seen worse.
