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I think I'll be very open in this post. The truth is I am absolutely sick of me. I'm sick of working so hard and then in a moment, making a mistake opening myself up to such guilt and shame presented by by our dear and truly hated satan and his.
I decided to get more real with God on the 10th of April of this year, holding nothing back. While I still find it difficult to imagine a life free of the bindings I've known for so long, I do look foward to such a life in hope.
On the 12th, I got locked up on a probation violation. My wife helped to make sure that I recieved some time served that wasn't counted, hence here I am only three weeks later. But what an awesome three weeks, so many distractions, so many convienant means to sin, so much time to spend and to be encouraged in the Lord. Daily having fellowship with those sent in by God and within groups with other believers amongst the inmates.
Being strengthened and quickened in my spirit, yet so easily led astray within only a day by the lusts of the flesh. How discouraging! Heartbreaking even! And after giving into to one sin, a temptation arose within me to join into another. I don't imagine it would stop there either.
Do not be mistaken, I haven't written this in a search for pity or a 'it's gonna be ok'. But I write this rather as an encouragement. I wanted to repent but the emotion wasn't there. The tears weren't there. Sadness wasn't there. Just defeat and hopelessness. And in my defeat and hopelessness, I did repent to God. As always he was faithful, despite my unfaithfulness.
Prayer...being real with God, a time of worship...a time of repentance...despite the emotion...but rather out of faith...out of a restored hope, as I find myself as often times forced to hope in Him. I will not lie down.
satan, I still have no part with you, while I did sin...I did also repent...And my God, oh yes thank Jesus for the way, my God is faithful and just to forgive. I'm clean again...I am made new! And I will keep pressing foward. Glory be to God for picking up my fallen spirit and once again lifting me up on high.
I pray that I remember all the times of my failures, for my failures to out to be God's victories. And that may bring about a hope in me for my future as well as compassion for those that stumble upon the path and love rather than judgement.
From feeling broken to being lifted up, just a mere story of a mere man who sinned and was redeemed by God. I do hope you find encouragement in the Lord. He is faithful and He does love you in spite of you.
I decided to get more real with God on the 10th of April of this year, holding nothing back. While I still find it difficult to imagine a life free of the bindings I've known for so long, I do look foward to such a life in hope.
On the 12th, I got locked up on a probation violation. My wife helped to make sure that I recieved some time served that wasn't counted, hence here I am only three weeks later. But what an awesome three weeks, so many distractions, so many convienant means to sin, so much time to spend and to be encouraged in the Lord. Daily having fellowship with those sent in by God and within groups with other believers amongst the inmates.
Being strengthened and quickened in my spirit, yet so easily led astray within only a day by the lusts of the flesh. How discouraging! Heartbreaking even! And after giving into to one sin, a temptation arose within me to join into another. I don't imagine it would stop there either.
Do not be mistaken, I haven't written this in a search for pity or a 'it's gonna be ok'. But I write this rather as an encouragement. I wanted to repent but the emotion wasn't there. The tears weren't there. Sadness wasn't there. Just defeat and hopelessness. And in my defeat and hopelessness, I did repent to God. As always he was faithful, despite my unfaithfulness.
Prayer...being real with God, a time of worship...a time of repentance...despite the emotion...but rather out of faith...out of a restored hope, as I find myself as often times forced to hope in Him. I will not lie down.
satan, I still have no part with you, while I did sin...I did also repent...And my God, oh yes thank Jesus for the way, my God is faithful and just to forgive. I'm clean again...I am made new! And I will keep pressing foward. Glory be to God for picking up my fallen spirit and once again lifting me up on high.
I pray that I remember all the times of my failures, for my failures to out to be God's victories. And that may bring about a hope in me for my future as well as compassion for those that stumble upon the path and love rather than judgement.
From feeling broken to being lifted up, just a mere story of a mere man who sinned and was redeemed by God. I do hope you find encouragement in the Lord. He is faithful and He does love you in spite of you.