I've been in a long-term relationship with a man and we've decided to spend the rest of our lives together as man and wife. He's a good person, he treats me the way I should be treated, and I get along with all of his family... except for his father.
I consider myself a fairly tolerant and patient person. I grew up with a short-tempered abrasive father and a judgmental religious mother. Together they could scare the love of God into you... or else. But I love my parents and despite their occasionally mean behavior I know in the end they have good hearts and they mean well even if their approach is less than kind... or sometimes devoid of all rationality. The point is, I'm used to unfriendly people.
But my boyfriend's father I can't just ignore. He's that bad. I work in customer service, I filter rude behavior and shouting out 40 hours a week and I've been doing it for years. But I can't filter him out and considering I inherited my father's temper I'm afraid of that day when I finally snap and enter a screaming match with him.
When I first met him I entered his house in time to see him nose to nose with his nephew (who was 12) shouting, "I HATE KIDS!" I ignored it because I didn't see what had built up to that, but after seeing him do that several times after I can only assume the kid had the audacity to laugh too loud at the TV. His wife then showed up with dinner (neither me or my boyfriend had known they were going to give us a meal so we had already eaten about 30 minutes prior). I wasn't hungry but I ate a little to be polite. However I apparently didn't eat enough because I was then angrily shouted at by his father who proceeded to dump more food on my plate and actually said at one point that I couldn't go anywhere until I finished what was on my plate (what am I, 5?!). The next day he drove us all to the mall to shop and catch a movie... driving 75 in a 35, and yelling at me for looking too scared. He spotted my buying earrings and proceeded to shout at me for spending all of my boyfriend's money... despite the fact that I was buying them with my own money as I do with all my stuff. At one point he accused me of being a lesbian because I said Jane Seymour had aged well and told me if I continued to say "that gay trash" in his presence that he and I would have a real problem.
My boyfriend can't help who his father is or what his father does, and he did stand up for me on several occasions proving that when we get married he'll always have my back and has the ability to know the difference between being loyal to his family and allowing a jerk to treat his significant other like garbage. For that I think staying with him is worth it, but I don't know how long I can continue to keep from snapping at his father. I've remained amazingly civil throughout all this and have yet to give him the joy of a fight, but if he keeps working my nerves that day may be fast approaching. Again, I have inherited my father's temper and we both run on fuses too small to see with the naked eye. Has anyone else had a problem like this? So far I've been all out avoiding him and act respectfully or simply remain silent whenever I've forced to be around him. I don't know what else to do.
I consider myself a fairly tolerant and patient person. I grew up with a short-tempered abrasive father and a judgmental religious mother. Together they could scare the love of God into you... or else. But I love my parents and despite their occasionally mean behavior I know in the end they have good hearts and they mean well even if their approach is less than kind... or sometimes devoid of all rationality. The point is, I'm used to unfriendly people.
But my boyfriend's father I can't just ignore. He's that bad. I work in customer service, I filter rude behavior and shouting out 40 hours a week and I've been doing it for years. But I can't filter him out and considering I inherited my father's temper I'm afraid of that day when I finally snap and enter a screaming match with him.
When I first met him I entered his house in time to see him nose to nose with his nephew (who was 12) shouting, "I HATE KIDS!" I ignored it because I didn't see what had built up to that, but after seeing him do that several times after I can only assume the kid had the audacity to laugh too loud at the TV. His wife then showed up with dinner (neither me or my boyfriend had known they were going to give us a meal so we had already eaten about 30 minutes prior). I wasn't hungry but I ate a little to be polite. However I apparently didn't eat enough because I was then angrily shouted at by his father who proceeded to dump more food on my plate and actually said at one point that I couldn't go anywhere until I finished what was on my plate (what am I, 5?!). The next day he drove us all to the mall to shop and catch a movie... driving 75 in a 35, and yelling at me for looking too scared. He spotted my buying earrings and proceeded to shout at me for spending all of my boyfriend's money... despite the fact that I was buying them with my own money as I do with all my stuff. At one point he accused me of being a lesbian because I said Jane Seymour had aged well and told me if I continued to say "that gay trash" in his presence that he and I would have a real problem.
My boyfriend can't help who his father is or what his father does, and he did stand up for me on several occasions proving that when we get married he'll always have my back and has the ability to know the difference between being loyal to his family and allowing a jerk to treat his significant other like garbage. For that I think staying with him is worth it, but I don't know how long I can continue to keep from snapping at his father. I've remained amazingly civil throughout all this and have yet to give him the joy of a fight, but if he keeps working my nerves that day may be fast approaching. Again, I have inherited my father's temper and we both run on fuses too small to see with the naked eye. Has anyone else had a problem like this? So far I've been all out avoiding him and act respectfully or simply remain silent whenever I've forced to be around him. I don't know what else to do.
