Im new here. Problems with husband. Seeking a solution

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atwhatcost

Guest
#21
#21
luvleygirl said:
Wow. Great advice. Thank you. I've decided I'm going to start looking for a job and become independent. I cannot wait around for him. I've wasted too much time waiting. It's time for me to make a move. Thanks again
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I'd like you to go back over all you've written and notice something. Matter of fact, count the times. How much have you planned? (And it starts with this sentence: "We had seperated because of unfaithfulness, his drug habbit, pornography, lies, abuse ( mostly emotional and verbal) and secret after secret. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, so I took my children and left.") You planned on who he should be, you planned what he should do in the home, you planned on how he should be around the kids. You planned, and executed, leaving him. Just count how many things you planned. And not just in the OP. It continues in your replies.

And then there is this:
"Thank you for that reply. I've been in prayer for a long time about this. for some reason I cannot discern what God is telling me to do. I've never had such a difficult time making a decision. I do believe the Lord will answer me in time and maybe he already has answered me but I've been confused"

How do you hear what God says among all that planning?

Damonbomb isn't wrong.
What has the Lord put on your heart. That small still voice?

Have you ever taken the time to hear that voice? I strongly suspect if you ever take the time to be still and listen, God will give you answers. You're too busy planning, even now, to find out what the answer is.

Lack of doing that has gotten you to this point more than once. It's not working for you. I wouldn't be surprised if God gave you the same answer on what to do in this situation than the one you're planning even now, but, until you hear him, this is just going to circle again and again. (I also wouldn't be surprised if God has another plan. He tends to do the unexpected.) All along you've been making plans on changing hubby. You can't. Never could. But what you haven't noticed is you can't change you either.

God can, if you give him the time to listen instead of spending so much time planning. Listen to his plan and this doesn't circle endlessly.
 
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luvleygirl

Guest
#22
#22
Thanks "Tourist" yes he has a job that he can contribute money toward but he chooses not to work. He's self employed and has the equipment to do the work but would rather be at home and sometimes the only way he will work, is if I push him which is draining for me and I see that as unfair. Why should I have to push a man to go to work and provide for his family
 
MarcR

MarcR

Senior Member
#23
Feb 12, 2015
5,486
183
63
#23
IMO, if you read everything you have said as if it were coming from someone else; you will convince yourself that it is time to move on. He has committed and through porn, continues to commit adultery; that is clearly grounds for divorce.
Can you honestly convince yourself that you have any good reason to stay with him?
 
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luvleygirl

Guest
#24
#24
Yes ive given this very much thought. My plan is to get myself on my feet now, while im still here and then move on my own. Thank you for support:)
 
PeterJens

PeterJens

Banned
#25
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#25
luvleygirl said:
Yes ive given this very much thought. My plan is to get myself on my feet now, while im still here and then move on my own. Thank you for support:)
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One simple issue I would like to ask, who else is involved in your life?
2 children and another on the way, no work, a house, rent to pay is a tough place.
But it is also a place with a path and reasons. It also involves two sets of grandparents, brothers and sisters, work, school, successes and failures.

Some guys are just looking for a replacement of home and the teenage years, and getting real is just too difficult.
I am a dad with 3 kids, and a lot of time dedicated to house, family, church, work, in fact everything.
But I know how hard it can be, and often without the first few steps to a different place it can become a rut.

Living with people you also take things for granted and end up giving up the highs for just boredom and depression.
So getting others involved, and finding what motivates and what might fit your partners strengths sometimes needs more effort than you might realise.

So I would not give up, until you have found out more about the positive things about yourself and the situation, and have brought others in who might bring change and dynamism back to a depressing and empty situation.
 
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luvleygirl

Guest
#26
#26
That's good advice Peterjens. Thanks alot.
 
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