First, I am glad that you are doing your best to put God first. He never told us that it would be easy. However, it will certainly be worth it. Especially considering that our life on Earth is a short time compared to the eternity that we'll spend with Him.
When I've gone through tough times it has always helped for me to think of what Jesus did for me. He went through so much pain and suffering, so much more than I will ever have to endure. If He is willing to do that for me, shouldn't I be willing to suffer for His sake?
I didn't see you mention anything about church. Are you attending church? Try to find a good church.
You also should strongly consider some professional Christian counseling. Perhaps you can find that for free even.
Here is some scripture:
Romans 5:1-5
5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we
[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we
[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God.
3 Not only so, but we
[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.
5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
1 Peter 4:12-19
New International Version (NIV)
12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.
13 But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
14 If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.
15 If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler.
16 However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.
17 For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?
18 And,
“If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”
[a]
19 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.