"Life is unfair!"

zeroturbulence · Jun 24, 2017

Ok, maybe I overreacted a little but I really don't like it when someone's told to suck it up. I mean yes there are times when its appropriate like if someone just scraped up their knee or bought something that went on sale the next day... But when it comes to life issues like suffering a loss or a personal setback when you've tried so hard or when you've taken every precaution..or when the bullying won't stop or the money becomes too tight... that is when people need uplifting, not belittling. Some might say you should get on and stop feeling sorry for yourself..well that is the goal of uplifting someone! Telling someone to simply stop feeling sorry for themselves is like telling water to start boiling without taking the steps to bring it to a boil.

Seekingfamily · Jun 24, 2017

I agree, as a person that suffered child physical, mental, and sexual abuse...what hurt worse than what happened to me, was when I cried out and was told to suck it up, or get over it. No love, no mourning, just rebuking of me. Than they wonder why I suffered mental illness!

Depleted · Jun 25, 2017

Seekingfamily said:

Nope. Satan playing games and God wins.

Corbinscam · Jun 25, 2017

kaylagrl said:

Just to clarify.... I wasn't speaking about death. My grandpa was my best friend. He was basically my dad. He died almost 4 years ago and I honestly just started fully grieving his death in the last year. Before then I just wasn't in a place to deal with it.

I was more specifically speaking about people dwelling on injustices in life and not moving on. I spent a lot of time angry because life wasn't fair. When I was ready to listen God brought people in my life who we're capable of loving me... Sympathizing with me... And saying no it isn't fair... But this isn't the end of the story. Had they simply said oh you poor thing... I'd still be a terribly angry kid with a ginormous chip on his shoulder. Hopefully that helps you understand what I meant. Sorry if my wording was offensive.

Miri · Jun 25, 2017

Hi just to point out that it was Zi, in the second post who mentioned sucking it up.
The rest sort of followed on, sometimes it's easier to use the same phrases as the
person expressing them. Lynn never told anyone to suck it up. She was
giving her honest opinion out of her open experiences.

Zi you seemed over sensitive commenting on a post not aimed at you, but
as I mentioned in a previous post. If you want to share there are plenty on here who
will understand and offer prayer and help.

wwjd_kilden · Jun 25, 2017

I think some of the reason for the clash happening in this thread is how society as a whole tends to treat us.

There were some pictures and videos in social media recently highlighting it
(i.e. someone telling someone with a cast on their leg they're not even trying to get well or that the pain will stop if they just stop focusing on it, no need for pain meds )

WineRose · Jun 25, 2017

Just gonna leave this here for no reason:

laura_charlotte · Jun 25, 2017

zeroturbulence said:

This is an incredibly important point. There is a huge, very significant, distinction between a person who is going through a genuinely bad experience or trauma, that is out of their control and their life is very much affected. As opposed to a person who may have had some kind of a challenge but they've never changed, helped themselves and they ultimately enjoy playing the victim and don't seek God to improve their health and happiness.

I would never be insensitive towards the former. However to the latter kind, who I've met in person, there's only so much help and resources you can offer them, all the time in the world they have, and the only thing they're interested in is manipulatively playing the victim, seeking attention and staying in that disposition. I have no empathy for those kinds of people where their situation is totally self imposed and they've worked against themselves and others in allowing Christ to heal their lives.

I hope that elucidates your perspective.

toinena · Jun 25, 2017

Life is unfair. The world is unfair. That is the nature of a fallen world. And it will always feel unfair when you compare yourself with other people. And why should we do that? Because that is the natural thing to do. Every time I compare myself with my sister; the perfect, successful, beautiful, respected, healthy, able-bodied, sporty, rich sister, I can state the world and life are both unfair. But that is just silly. To fall into self pity only hurts myself and keeps my at distance from God.

i admire Lynn in the OP for taking this up. Because we all need to be reminded about this. It is easy to get reminded of the unfairness of life when the chain of difficulties never seem to stop. And when you are in the middle of a crisis, we should be supportive and compassionate towards another. And there is no competition in suffering. Sometimes people apologize to me because they complain about minor health issues when I am sitting in a wheelchair, but their suffering is as real as mine, and definitely more acute. The suffering and the unfairness in life are therefore real to the person that goes through it, and should be dealt with with love and compassion.

It is easy to fall into the state of self-pitying when life is unfair, and who gains on that? Yes. You can cry out to God that life is unfair. But God isn't! He is a just and loving Father. So when I am overwhelmed by the unfairness of life, the only thing I can say is Amen! Come, Lord Jesus!

wwjd_kilden · Jun 25, 2017

toinena said:

I think this is the core of the matter.
Nothing provokes me more then when people say "You have no right to complain because so-and-such is good in your life.
(not aimed at the OP, but at many people in general that I have met)
Well yes, I am lucky to live in a country with peace, where there is still religious freedom and to have a roof over my head,
but neither of those make me feel that I am useful to society, and that is (to me at least) one of the core things to being happy.

Likewise, another person might feel they are being useful for society, but they are persecuted for their faith.
Now on the grand scale of things, that is much worse ... but it being worse does not mean I suddenly, magically feel useful.
...and that is what many people seem to forget.

notmyown · Jun 25, 2017

Zi said:

hey

i was awake last night thinking about this, and haven't read further in the thread. (classic me

)

i don't think the OP was intended as a 'suck it up' kinda thing. i see it, rather, as a 'count your blessings' kinda thing.
be thankful God doesn't give us what we deserve.

there are times everyone needs to hear a suck it up message, though. i'm grateful to the Lord He put friends in my life to remind me of this need to Frozen something. (Let It Go. that's all i know about Frozen. lol)

of course people go through real pain. we need the Holy Spirit to help us know when it's best to tell someone we love to let something go, or perhaps at this point just be quiet and pass the tissues. it's moment by moment, case by case.
God is faithful to help us. He is faithful to prepare the heart of the person to whom we're speaking, too, as He was in my life so many times.

oh, and on a personal level, 1 Cor 13 makes me feel convicted, and a failure, because i KNOW i don't love like God does.

blue_ladybug · Jun 25, 2017

........................

Depleted · Jun 25, 2017

Psa 138:6-8 For though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly, but the haughty he knows from afar. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Depleted · Jun 25, 2017

zeroturbulence said:

Is God not our lives? Is God not life?

(And, so far, the only ones judging on here are the ones judging those who believe God is more than fair. Also the ones settled in on the phrase "suck it up.")

Depleted · Jun 25, 2017

zeroturbulence said:

I don't remember what lead up to what hubby said, other than a sense of franticness on my part over something happening. It was some time in the first year or two of our marriage, so looking back I was probably frantic over something that now seems silly, but then was monumentally important to me. But in the midst of laying all on hubby why I was upset, he said, "Don't worry."

That stopped me short. And then I smirked and answered, "Okay. Tell me how, and I will stop."

In about 15 seconds, his face went from surprised, to perplexed, to thinking, to amusement. Then we both laughed knowing there is no way to stop worrying. Worrying happens. (Ends up trusting God, and trusting that he makes life more than fair even when it doesn't feel fair, gives us a way to unload some of the worry, but it still doesn't stop us from worrying... at least from someone like me, who is a very good worrier.)

That moment was a milestone in our marriage. Ever since then, we have allowed the other to feel whatever they're feeling as long as they need to feel it. Instead, when an overwhelming emotion comes on to one, or the other, the other is there for the one however that needs to happen.

And, if we're both overwhelmed by our emotions, we laugh or cry together until the chuckle returns. There have been times when the chuckle returned shortly. There have been times when it took days. There have been times when it took months, and even years. But the chuckle comes every time God answers us. When God shows us how this one is going to work out.

This last month, we've had plenty of chuckling. Some stuff we worried about for 20 years finally worked out. Some was only a year of worry. Some a couple of days. (Our air conditioner died. We thought it was going to take a week to get a new one. Nope. Two days. lol)

No one, absolutely no one here has said that anyone should suck it up. I know. I am the OP. I said life is better than fair! God is fair! Even when it doesn't feel fair, it is fair!

Depleted · Jun 25, 2017

Corbinscam said:

When I first became disabled with chronic pain, I thought all I had to do to get over the pain is find the doctor who could fix it. Ends up, the field of medicine has become so specialized none of the doctors I was sent to could figure out the cause, once more fix it, for 15 years! Somewhere in that time I had to reset my mind from temporary to permanent. Not easy.

And Christians told me to stop whining even before I could convince a doctor that this wasn't expected-pain-after-gallbladder-removal. It was something else that happened at the time my gallbladder was removed. (The pain is roughly in the same place as ex-gallbladder, so it took four months to get a doctor to realize I wasn't "recovering." Four months, and Christians are already telling me to stop whining and get over it.)

Two did sympathize with me. (My husband and a good friend. The friend who sent me my first teddy bear. lol) Neither one ever lied to me. Others did. Want to know what that lie was? "Well, that's unfair."

This is what I'm saying. To say "that's unfair" -- to say "Life is unfair" -- is to say God is unfair. After all, God is the creator and orchestrator of life, so if it is unfair than God is unfair!

Whoever tells you "that's unfair" when it comes as a trial in your life, is feeding you a line of garbage! Don't believe it!

Nine months into this new lifestyle -- chronic pain as a disability -- I was seeing a shrink, who used hypnosis. (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. To some Christians that's a big no-no, but I'm not the type who can go completely under, so it was used as a relaxation technique, because it's muscles in my body spasming that causes the pain, and relaxing them, relaxes the pain a little bit. I really did everything I could to avoid needing narcotics.) During one of the sessions, she had me visualize walking up to a big crevasse and shout the biggest question going on in my head. And then wait for the answer.

My question? "Why me, God?"

God's immediate answer? "Why not you?"

That was the turning point. I broke out in a laugh and opened my eyes. Because honestly? Why not me? Why am I oh-so-important that bad things just can't happen to me? If I were? Is that fair?

God does answer why it is fair. He may take a long time to answer, and we may have to seek hard for those answers, but he does answer.

You know what stops people from asking? The assumption that God (or life) isn't fair!

Why are we propagating that myth? It's a lie!

If you don't face that what happened was fair, then you're allowing an old wound to close off before getting the infection out. It will fester. And it will fester into "God isn't fair, damn him." NOT good!

God IS more than fair always! The good, the bad, the ugly.

Depleted · Jun 25, 2017

WineRose said:

Nope! Life is fair because God is fair!

Depleted · Jun 25, 2017

toinena said:

Sorry. Not what I'm saying. Life is fair because God is fair. Even when it doesn't feel fair, it is fair, because God is fair.

I'm not saying life is easy. I'm not saying there is no pain. I tend to think as Christians we end up getting more heartache than those who aren't. BUT I think we get that because God is constantly reminding us we need to give our hearts to him. He is our strength, power, and resources. We are not that. And the rest of the world is busy thinking they are that.

From Spurgeon for this evening:
"The dove found no rest for the sole of her foot."
Genesis 8:9
Reader, can you find rest apart from the ark, Christ Jesus? Then be assured that your religion is vain. Are you satisfied with anything short of a conscious knowledge of your union and interest in Christ? Then woe unto you. If you profess to be a Christian, yet find full satisfaction in worldly pleasures and pursuits, your profession is false. If your soul can stretch herself at rest, and find the bed long enough, and the coverlet broad enough to cover her in the chambers of sin, then you are a hypocrite, and far enough from any right thoughts of Christ or perception of his preciousness. But if, on the other hand, you feel that if you could indulge in sin without punishment, yet it would be a punishment of itself; and that if you could have the whole world, and abide in it forever, it would be quite enough misery not to be parted from it; for your God--your God--is what your soul craves after; then be of good courage, thou art a child of God. With all thy sins and imperfections, take this to thy comfort: if thy soul has no rest in sin, thou are not as the sinner is! If thou art still crying after and craving after something better, Christ has not forgotten thee, for thou hast not quite forgotten him. The believer cannot do without his Lord; words are inadequate to express his thoughts of him. We cannot live on the sands of the wilderness, we want the manna which drops from on high; our skin bottles of creature confidence cannot yield us a drop of moisture, but we drink of the rock which follows us, and that rock is Christ. When you feed on him your soul can sing, "He hath satisfied my mouth with good things, so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's," but if you have him not, your bursting wine vat and well-filled barn can give you no sort of satisfaction: rather lament over them in the words of wisdom, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity!"

Miri · Jun 25, 2017

Seekingfamily said:

Its interesting though that Job never cursed God, despite his so called friends
telling him to.

Interesting perspective, I believe that according to the time line, Job
would have had relatives who were within living memory of the flood.
Or not far off.

Maybe he had a much deeper understanding of the sovereignty of God and His
power, than we have today.

toinena · Jun 25, 2017

Depleted said:

I think we have to agree to disagree. Not point to argue, though. We all have to handle our difficulties with emotionally and intellectually. I guess this the way I can find some sense in life. The main thing is we both have put our faith in Jesus, and one day we all get glorified bodies

"Life is unfair!"

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