djlb,
Some more thoughts on this. In the Old Testament, when a man married a woman, he could cancel her vows to the LORD. If he cancelled the day he heard of it, no one was responsible for it. If he waited till the end of the day and did not cancel it, but cancelled it later and did not fulfill it, he was guilty of breaking a vow to the LORD. Vows required taking the belongings of the household, livestock or produce. The husband had power over the goods of the household. There is no law that he could cancel sons' vows. Sons were the heirs. God, in His wisdom and justice had land pass from father to son, and gave these laws concerning vows. The woman of Proverbs 31 bought land, apparently leasing it up to 70 years if the laws were followed (and if we are talking out Israeli lands). She used the produce of her field and the work of her hands to contribute to her household, her husband's household. Men were required to provide food, clothing, and sexual relations to their wives.
My point is, Biblically, I don't think you should see what your husband did as 'stealing.' It's a good thing, especially in our culture, if a husband and wife are in unity and agreement on financial decisions. But the Bible doesn't say it's a sin if a husband makes a financial decision on his own without his wife's knowledge or approval. Some marriages operate fine that way, and in some cultures and situations it may make more sense. The 30-year-old Bedouin whose been selling goats and camels for years who finally marries a 16 year old girl probably isn't going to ask her permission every time he sells a goat or buys a new one. In the Bible, when David was at the threshing floor of Aruna the Jebusite, hoping to offer sacrifice there to prevent the angel from killing the people, he didn't say, "I'd like to buy this threshingfloor, but first let me ask the approval of Haggith, Bathsheba, Ahinoam, Maacah, Abital, Eglah, Mical, and all my concubines, and see if I can buy this threshing floor." Buying land or a new truck without one's wife's permission isn't grounds for divorce.
Abigail did feed David's men against Nabal's wishes. She did so to save her husband's life and the lives of others with him. Maybe she was a submissive wife. If a submissive' wife's husband were slipped some LSD in his drink, and the husband was in the middle of a busy road about to get hit by a car, and he told his wife to let him stay there to get picked up by aliens, wouldn't try to pull him out of the road? Submission is important, but wives are also supposed to their husbands good all the days of their lives. Nabal was not drugged against his will when David was coming to kill him. He'd drunk too much. But Abigail still did what was within her power to save her household.
If you have been the primary bread winner, that can be a stressful thing for a man. I hope he has been doing what he can to provide. Be that as it may, if your husband has not been obeying the word, I Peter 3 says to submit to him that he might be won by your chaste conversation. I would say treat him with respect and work on the relationship if he is unhappy. If he is secure in his leadership at home, he may not be trying to assert his 'independence' in other ways.
Also, if you could get onboard with a financial strategy you both agree with, that could help. Dave Ramsey's is a radio host who focuses on getting out of debt. He has some kind of financial training program. There are also Christian radio shows, Money Matters, and the program by Crown Financial. You could take one of their financial trainings together. That way you get some experts other than yourself telling him some good ideas. If he accepts them, and you get on board with the same strategies on how to spend your money, that may work better than focusing on divorce or being upset with him about it.
