Men's opinion wanted. Women to!!

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
H

Hava91

Guest
#1
#1
I am a single mother of a 5 month old precious little boy. My son was conceived out of rape, adding a lot of problems to my personal situation and opinion of men (sorry guys - one bad spot can ruin it for the whole lot sometimes). I am at the point now where I am starting to want to try to find a good male role model for him for the future, someone to show him how to become a good, christian, God-loving Man.To treat women correctly, to have biblical morals, etc.
I am starting to wonder about dating again but have SERIOUS reservations because of my past and am not sure how to find a christian man to befriend...all the christian men at my church are 60+ right now and not sure that would be good if I want the male role model to stick around......
I wish so much that there were more younger guys these days that are God-loving men.

So Men, How would you suggest finding a male role model to be a friend to me and a model for my son, and under what criteria?

Women, How can I not be too judgemental but neither to soft on the imperfections i know every man will have? And how to overcome the opinion I have formed of men in general because of my past?

(really Both genders are free to answer both questions)
 
F

flight316

Guest
#2
#2
Hi, I am male. Male family members may be a good start, if that's an option. Pray to God for the desires of your heart
 
B

BADDOG

Guest
#3
#3
Hi Hava91 ,,,,,GBU

sorry to hear about what took place and ,,,,for that as a man i'm really sorry

Your need first is for good friends of your own age or a little older ,,,,this can be done by going to church and making sure people understand your issues ,,,,that way there can be great understanding .... there are many groups of people who hang out together and the 20's + is one such group ,,,, so by going out as a group you will see *men* maybe in a differant light

my tip for you is to build your bridges slowly that way it will give you the time you need ,,,,God is never in a rush its us that are in a rush ,,,,so take your time it will give you the healing you need ,,,go out with groups first get a good Godly group round you ,,,,,, first there safety in numbers and in a group you wont feel left out ,,,,,so look for a church that will give you this ,,,,,look more outward not inward ,,,,,, i hope you get the healing your looking for ,,,,,,,,,

May God bless you and keep you may he make his face to shine upon you and give you peace AMEN


BADDOG
 
O

OFM

Guest
#4
#4
chck at your church with strong mature christian brothers when he see how the talk,serve,pray and worship he will start to follow thier exsample men praying for you.
 
T

TAZorek

Guest
#5
#5
At your age, and your sons, I would think a male role model could be anyone of any age. My assumption from what you've posted is that you have issues with trust. Understandable. My feelings on it are that the Holy Spirit is working with you to resolve the issue of trust, hence the early concern. One persons actions shouldn't 'ruin it' for everyone. So perhaps while you still have time you should seek guidance on resolving the trust issue. Anyone coming onto your life, who is male, could easily do or say something that reminds you of something horrible. That does not mean they are bad people. I would venture to say that God has someone in mind for you down the road a ways, The Holy Spirit is attempting to make you ready for it. One day at a time.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
hi hava
Not all guys out there are bad guys. But it is hard to find many guys willing to play role model for someone elses child, especially if they're not in a romantic situation with that woman. Most guys your age are probably in school and working, or just finishing up and will be looking to start their careers and maybe find a spouse. Not to mention you're at an age where there is still a lot of immaturity.
Sounds to me, your son only being 5 months old, an older 'grandfatherly' type would be best. Or even an older couple. But really, at 5 months, your son isn't going to be too strongly effected by gender. As he gets old enough to walk and talk then it may start having more effect.

Let me give you a warning i know many single women fall into. They, like you, may want a 'male role model' for their child, or sometimes they just want a man for themselves haha... or both. So they get in a rush. They go after the first guy that 'seems nice' without using discernment or taking their time to really get to know the man. So they rush into a relationship or marriage and the guy is not who he pretended to be. Don't make that mistake. Your son is better off with no male role model than rushing it and ending up with a negative male role model, or worse yet, an abusive male.

As far as your trust in men, that's going to be a three fold initiative. Part one, praying and trusting God. Part 2 is going to be a conscience effort on your part to let some of your defenses down, and work on it. And Part 3 is going to be finding, and spending time around good guys that can prove themselves to you as decent guys.

A couple books i recommend to help you during this confusing time... Boundaries by Townsend/Cloud (they also have books in the series on marriage, and raising kids). Also Safe People by Townsend/Cloud. These are books by Christian psychologists. These books will help you learn to spot the 'red flags' in peoples behavior so that you can keep distance from them. And also helps you to deal with difficult people when you do find yourself involved with them.

I'm sorry for what happened to you and i respect you for wanting to grow out of this mindset and not let your life be defined by this atrocity. I encourage you to keep trying to grow and improve yourself and your situation.
 
C

chuinchoy

Guest
#7
#7
when your child baptize, you would have a god-parent to take care of his spiritual growth? Encourage your child to join sunday school, junior youth fellowship or youth fellowship in your church or city? It is my own personal experience that these will help. I attended sunday school to know who Jesus is and why He have to die on the cross. While in Junior Youth and Youth, i learned my bible, how to live as a christian and how to serve God.
 
F

FormerPooky

Guest
#8
#8
I think she is looking for an in he flesh male role model.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#9
#9
Baptize your child? Why? That does nothing except get the baby wet.
 
W

Wilfred

Guest
#10
#10
as i read your post, the first think through my mind was your finding the male role model through adopting a set of grandparents for him from within your church - whose life you are familiar with!

i can not imagine what you have gone through..... it must be a God thing to even consider talking to a guy again.....
 
C

chuinchoy

Guest
#11
#11
It is anglican's practice (not sure about other denomination) that whenever a person baptize in the church, he/she needs to have a god-parent. The role of this god parent is to provide spiritual guidance to the person who baptise. The god-parent normally are elders of the church who are spiritually matured and has a important responsibility to guide the person.
 
C

chuinchoy

Guest
#12
#12
i think you need to get your emotional scars healed otherwise you will the scars the rest of your life.
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#13
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#13
If you have some young families at your church, you may want to start a play group...even though your little boy is too young to 'play' it's a good way to introduce him to other children. Mostly, though, it's wonderful for you to have the support of the other moms :).

You would probably form some real friendships with these families and interact together....your son would benefit from being around his friends' dads (hopefully).

Praying for you and your son....may God richly bless you :).
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#14
#14
Hava, taking your little one to church is the best move you could make and you are already doing that. :) Even though the men of your church are older, they can still be godly examples for your son, as can extended male family members and neighbors.

As far as learning to trust again, God and time can help you with that. Your wounds are very deep and very fresh. Give yourself time and opportunity to heal and enjoy that precious little one. Counseling can also be very beneficial if it is available to you.

There truly are a lot of good men out there.
 
S

sweetspiritgirl

Guest
#15
#15
To disern whom is good or bad takes Gods direction.. You can go out and seek it for yourself or wait upon the Lord..I do hope with all that has happened to you hun that u seeked counseling and r healed from your hurts. Im a single mother and my first priority is my children ...but I dont want to introduce them to anyone unless i know for sure this person had good morals values and even is humble. The bible says there are wolves in sheep clothing hun ...so becareful...sad to say even men in the churches can be bad..wisdom is somin id be praying for as well as disernment hun. Blessings :)
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#16
#16
I couldn't possibly add to the great advice you've already gotten, but I do want you to know you and your little guy are always in my prayers
for every good thing from the Hand of God. ♥
-ellie
 
F

Fenwick

Guest
#17
#17
Alot of prayer should go into this thought of you & your son. This is a decision not to make lightly.
Til you are sure you want to really date anyone,keep in mind are you really ready. Or just want
a male figure in your son's life.
Possible you might have a male family member that can help out as your son grows. Like alittle
male bonding. Tossing around a football. It's important he has a role model. That could even
be a teacher,uncle,etc.
Believe the most important role model will be YOU. Many kids don't have fathers around.
They grow up just fine,cause of a family's love. Just make sure YOU are ready for what
may come in the future,for BOTH you.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#18
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#18
Hava91 said:
I am a single mother of a 5 month old precious little boy. My son was conceived out of rape, adding a lot of problems to my personal situation and opinion of men (sorry guys - one bad spot can ruin it for the whole lot sometimes). I am at the point now where I am starting to want to try to find a good male role model for him for the future, someone to show him how to become a good, christian, God-loving Man.To treat women correctly, to have biblical morals, etc.
I am starting to wonder about dating again but have SERIOUS reservations because of my past and am not sure how to find a christian man to befriend...all the christian men at my church are 60+ right now and not sure that would be good if I want the male role model to stick around......
I wish so much that there were more younger guys these days that are God-loving men.

So Men, How would you suggest finding a male role model to be a friend to me and a model for my son, and under what criteria?

Women, How can I not be too judgemental but neither to soft on the imperfections i know every man will have? And how to overcome the opinion I have formed of men in general because of my past?

(really Both genders are free to answer both questions)
Click to expand...
Your baby is only 5 months old. You really need to concentrate right now on being a good mother. As your child grows up you can be all the role model he needs. The things which count in being a role model have nothing to do with gender. He needs to see someone who is a strong person, is loving, faithful, compassionate, courageous, dependable, determined to see things through, and most of all someone who is worthy of trust. You can be all that to your son and more. Don't worry about a father figure. God is the only father figure he needs.

God bless.
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#19
#19
zeroturbulence said:
Your baby is only 5 months old. You really need to concentrate right now on being a good mother. As your child grows up you can be all the role model he needs. The things which count in being a role model have nothing to do with gender. He needs to see someone who is a strong person, is loving, faithful, compassionate, courageous, dependable, determined to see things through, and most of all someone who is worthy of trust. You can be all that to your son and more. Don't worry about a father figure. God is the only father figure he needs.

God bless.
Click to expand...
I like this, but I have to say that a good momma looks ahead, too, to the needs of her child(ren).
We spend our whole lives preparing them for adulthood in every way we can think of. :)

We teach them to talk, to read, to tie their shoes, to get along with others, to share.
We try to be sure they're prepared for college (in case that's God's direction), we feed them good foods, make sure they get exercise, fresh air, enough sleep.
We take then to church and try to live as the Lord wishes to show them how it's to be done (as opposed to merely telling them).

Just because we're thinking of something, doesn't necessarily mean we intend to act on it right away...it just means that we love them, and want to do all we can to be sure they can live well, and be ready for what God intends for them.
I don't mean to be argumentative, but just thought I'd throw that out there...:)
-ellie
 
T

truedeciple

Guest
#20
#20
sorry 4 what happened to you, but first of all as hard as it my be you have to find it in your heart to forgive the person who did this terrible thing to you. Matthew (6:14-15)" if you forgive others for the sins they have commited against you your father in heaven will forgive you." only then will you be able to look at men with an objective heart. and once you do meet a fellow you like take it extremly slow, take your time and get to know the real person on the inside cause theres' alot of wolves in sheeps clothing out there. pray and ask for Gods help finding the right person but put God first above all. "Good Luck and God Bless!!"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.