Move out or stay at my parents?

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JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
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#21
I have lived alone before and it has been fine. In my specific situation I cannot be independent because my parents are not too encouraging of me driving/having a car. I am already now living in the same city.
You definitely need to learn to drive.

Your parents have a selfish vested interest in you not being independent. Avoiding empty nest syndrome. They have gilded the cage they are keeping you in.
BUT
They might think, for some reason, that you have difficulties socializing and will be too alone and will fail to thrive if living on your own. Where a down payment on a house/condo isn't exactly cheap...in some ways it's better than rent.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
4,064
3,175
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#22
But do you need it right now, or you can wait?
Public transportation, in the US, is quite bad. Some of the really large cities have better options, otherwise it's just not good.
For most in the US driving is a necessity, especially considering the size of the country and things often more spread out.
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
1,101
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#23
You definitely need to learn to drive.

Your parents have a selfish vested interest in you not being independent. Avoiding empty nest syndrome. They have gilded the cage they are keeping you in.
BUT
They might think, for some reason, that you have difficulties socializing and will be too alone and will fail to thrive if living on your own. Where a down payment on a house/condo isn't exactly cheap...in some ways it's better than rent.
I did drive at one point, including solo errands, etc. but stopped and took public transport for many years when I went off for college, etc. I always managed to keep an active license. I have never had my own car so have never felt entirely comfortable though. Yes, I do think they are being a bit selfish and trying to avoid empty nest syndrome. Most of my friends are in my work city now, so I will be more alone until I establish more friends.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,237
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#24
I did drive at one point, including solo errands, etc. but stopped and took public transport for many years when I went off for college, etc. I always managed to keep an active license. I have never had my own car so have never felt entirely comfortable though. Yes, I do think they are being a bit selfish and trying to avoid empty nest syndrome. Most of my friends are in my work city now, so I will be more alone until I establish more friends.
Re-establishing yourself in a church community (small group bible studies, choir and etc) is a good place to start...

So are classes for hobbies you are interested in. Stained glass windows, leathercrafts, woodworking, painting, sewing and etc.
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
10,302
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Almost Heaven West Virginia
#25
werent the YMCAs and YWCAs places young christians could live away from the parents just because. I dont know if they still operate that way.

They had pastoral care or so I heard but could be noisy places.

Buying a place of your own would be a huge deal but only if you can actually afford it. sure you could pay a desposit but th. paying a mortgage is another story you need to figure out esp job security, Is it? Not many jobs are and do you have several income streams cos if not, it will be foreclosed.
JFYI the Ys have very bad reputations. Like so many things, they might have started well, but I heard many times that they were hang outs and recruitment places for these guys and their type.
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
10,302
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Almost Heaven West Virginia
#26
I did drive at one point, including solo errands, etc. but stopped and took public transport for many years when I went off for college, etc. I always managed to keep an active license. I have never had my own car so have never felt entirely comfortable though. Yes, I do think they are being a bit selfish and trying to avoid empty nest syndrome. Most of my friends are in my work city now, so I will be more alone until I establish more friends.
Do you live in the city or outside city limits?
 

Papermonkey

Active member
Dec 2, 2022
724
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#28
Maybe consider some of the reasons your parents give so to dissuade you from moving out could be their reasons for not wanting you to leave. Being lonely, for example.

Going to church shouldn't rest on your parents not being church goer's. I think being independent of parents begins there.

If you truly want to go to church, go. If not, don't.

If you have privacy, your own room, and can come and go as you like , maybe try working from home and see how it goes.

Are you going to pay room and board?

My parents have long passed on. When I was a teen I couldn't wait to get my own place. Now, having inherited the family home, memories of our family are everywhere.

In this economy I think it wise to save where you can. And if that also includes making for happier lives for your folks, I think that's a bonus.

Cherish the time you can have with your parents and cat. Saying you'll visit when you can if you move out can be one of those things not easily achieved when you have to make time in your other life activities to go see them.

Whereas when you live with them, you'll always be able to say you spent a lot of time together.
Believe me, when they pass on that will add great peace to the memories you shared together.

The alternative memory can break your heart for the rest of your life, looking back and wishing you'd done things differently.

As children we think our parents are eternal. Always there for us.

Until they're not. Then, there's no chance to get back the time spent away, when all they wanted was a little time spent together.

When my mom was dying of cancer I shut myself away. I took her to her treatments, but I didn't move in with her.
She was alone in the house being dad died two years before.

My husband visited and took her out. But I withdrew. She'd come to the house, I lived just two blocks away, she'd drive because she was weak from treatments, and ask me to come have lunch or what have you. I'd always make an excuse not to go.

We didn't hang out even when she was younger and healthy. But there she was just wanting to spend time she had left. And I refused.

Selfish. Mean. Heartbreaking.
I imagine now she cried driving back home.

I cry as I write this. The guilt and imagining her hurting and sad due to my idiocy and callous selfishness.

Bu it's too late. I now on this moment imagine she forgives me because she loved me. Yet, I'll never really know.

I'm so sorry mommy.

Parents don't get any younger.
You can have a life while sharing space with them too.
There will be plenty of time to live on your own one day.

God bless, whatever you decide.
 

HealthAndHappiness

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2022
10,302
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Almost Heaven West Virginia
#29
In the city limits. It is a big city, but the public transport is still bad. However, it is very easy to get Uber which is fine sometimes.
Ok. I was just asking because something came to mind as another possible option. I used to know a guy who moved in with his parents to help when his mom had a health challenge. His Dad and he didn't get along. I mentioned that some used campers are often in good condition and are like apartments. They thought it a good enough idea to park one out of the way, near the house where it was easy to hook up utilities. He was out from Dad's roof with some space and privacy. It was the lowest cost option since he wasn't charged rent and had no mortgage, yet able to help until his mom recovered. That wasn't in a city, so that might not work for you anyway. I'm glad you can get around there. A lot of people ride the busses in cities because parking is so expensive and traffic every day.

Best to you whatever you decide.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#30
why is God telling you to move out?
I go to church whenever I dont not go just cos my parents dont go. But then I have a car.
wouldnt it be better to learn how to drive? You can still, live with your parents but be independent.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#31
Live in an RV if you have the space to hook it up. But youll still need to learn how to drive the RV. Cant remember if you said you learned or not. Invest in a reliable car.

Apartment living is not that great if you value peace and quiet. Your neighbours could be annoying since they live right next door...! Or on top or below. And you cant choose your neighbours
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#32
Is it cos there is no garage space for the car or what.

If public transport is unreliable, you need a car.

otherwise you need to keep in touch with your parents and visit them once a week if you live in the same town. Its selfish to just leave them alone and always assume they will be healthy. They will be getting old and needing care. And God allowed you to live close to them and with them for a reason. Now He is suddenly changing His mind? why?

do you not like your parents or is there some other reason. It honors God to honor your parents and you will live longer if you do...thats the promise in the Bible. It doesnt matter if they are unbelievers right now. God sees what you do.
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
1,101
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#33
Is it cos there is no garage space for the car or what.

If public transport is unreliable, you need a car.

otherwise you need to keep in touch with your parents and visit them once a week if you live in the same town. Its selfish to just leave them alone and always assume they will be healthy. They will be getting old and needing care. And God allowed you to live close to them and with them for a reason. Now He is suddenly changing His mind? why?

do you not like your parents or is there some other reason. It honors God to honor your parents and you will live longer if you do...thats the promise in the Bible. It doesnt matter if they are unbelievers right now. God sees what you do.
You assume a lot things.

Yes, I do believe God wants me to stay in my parents' city. The reason I know this is because my application for remote work was approved. If God wanted me to live in my work city, my application would have been denied. I believe God decided my application status through my employer.
But I don't think God wants me to live in my parents' physical home at this time. You don't have to live with parents to honor them. I believe He wants me to grow at this point in my life; the past 2.5 years of my life I have actually become very comfortable. Everyone's situation is different.
 

Joshua_783

Active member
Sep 15, 2022
207
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43
#34
You assume a lot things.

Yes, I do believe God wants me to stay in my parents' city. The reason I know this is because my application for remote work was approved. If God wanted me to live in my work city, my application would have been denied. I believe God decided my application status through my employer.
But I don't think God wants me to live in my parents' physical home at this time. You don't have to live with parents to honor them. I believe He wants me to grow at this point in my life; the past 2.5 years of my life I have actually become very comfortable. Everyone's situation is different.
Ms Mediator, I think it would be good to branch out and rent or buy your own place. Things are definitely a lot different when you live on your own, even with a roommate(s) versus living with your parents. I believe you will become more responsible when you move out.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#35
why? Has another place actually become available? Is a dog terrorisng the neighbourhood? are you allergic to the furniture? is your employer offering you remote office space? You dont seem to give us any valid reason to move. and you didnt answer anything about any ministry that God wants you to do. ...what is your work anyway?

Lets get to the real reason...
You assume a lot things.

Yes, I do believe God wants me to stay in my parents' city. The reason I know this is because my application for remote work was approved. If God wanted me to live in my work city, my application would have been denied. I believe God decided my application status through my employer.
But I don't think God wants me to live in my parents' physical home at this time. You don't have to live with parents to honor them. I believe He wants me to grow at this point in my life; the past 2.5 years of my life I have actually become very comfortable. Everyone's situation is different.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#36
maybe some scripture and then we can confirm it. If its of God.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#37
if your parents have demolished the spare bedroom or become hoarders then I might understand lol
 

Joshua_783

Active member
Sep 15, 2022
207
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43
#38
why? Has another place actually become available? Is a dog terrorisng the neighbourhood? are you allergic to the furniture? is your employer offering you remote office space? You dont seem to give us any valid reason to move. and you didnt answer anything about any ministry that God wants you to do. ...what is your work anyway?

Lets get to the real reason...
Lanolin isn’t Ms Mediator somewhere in her 30s?? Why wouldn’t she be moving out and become an independent woman. Do you expect her to live with her parents as long as they live?!? I think Ms Mediator needs to spread her wings…
 

Joshua_783

Active member
Sep 15, 2022
207
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43
#39
if your parents have demolished the spare bedroom or become hoarders then I might understand lol
Lanolin I could envision you living into your 30s at your parents and having a large library in your room and in the basement! 🙃
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
1,101
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#40
why? Has another place actually become available? Is a dog terrorisng the neighbourhood? are you allergic to the furniture? is your employer offering you remote office space? You dont seem to give us any valid reason to move. and you didnt answer anything about any ministry that God wants you to do. ...what is your work anyway?

Lets get to the real reason...
Wow. I believe God will open more doors for me and help me grow if I live on my own. God doesn't always give details you know, you just have to trust Him.