My husband and the drama that follows PART 2 UPDATE!
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When you told him about going to the bar, and having guys hit on you, what kind of reaction did you expect him to have? Of course he would be mad, and probably jealous too! Why was his reaction so confusing to you? You're hurt, that's understandable, but you're not wanting to accept what he keeps telling you. What you did only made things worse. I agree with blondensmart's reply. There is alot of immaturity in your relationship, on BOTH sides. I agree that the two of you need good quality intensive counseling because obviously this is'nt going to work itself out with the way you're approaching it.
You keep telling us that he called to get his mail. What you have not told us is what else did you talk about during that hour? Did you talk about staying together and working on your marriage? If so then thats a start in the right direction. I have not intended to sound insensitive or rude in my replies, and I'm sorry if I offended you BUT I call everything as I see it. It sounds like you are both immature and need to grow up. You're definitely in need of some good quality counseling!! You came on here asking for advice. But you seem to only want to hear positive advice, and not negative. Everything you've told us so far is negative!! His family hates you, he's a mama's boy who favors her over you, he's been verbally/ physically abusive, he keeps saying he doesnt want this marriage, you get in a fight and call the cops, he threatens you and leaves. I agree with the poster who said this relationship is toxic!!
Right now both of your minds are in different places. He's dealing with alot right now, as are you. You went to the bar out of hurt. He went to mama because apparently she makes him feel safe. You tell him guys hit on you and he gets mad and that confuses you? How did you expect him to react?
I know God can do anything, but you need to be prepared to accept that this situation may not end how you want it to. Sometimes God's answer is No, and you don't seem to want to hear that word. Even if this does end in divorce, the 2 of you can part as friends, and you don't necessarily have to be with someone else. I really do hope that this works out the way you hope it will, but I also hope you're prepared to accept that it might not. As for me being "rather young", I will take that as a compliment, even though I'm only a few years younger than yourself.
I have been, and am, praying for you. Good luck.
Right now both of your minds are in different places. He's dealing with alot right now, as are you. You went to the bar out of hurt. He went to mama because apparently she makes him feel safe. You tell him guys hit on you and he gets mad and that confuses you? How did you expect him to react?
I know God can do anything, but you need to be prepared to accept that this situation may not end how you want it to. Sometimes God's answer is No, and you don't seem to want to hear that word. Even if this does end in divorce, the 2 of you can part as friends, and you don't necessarily have to be with someone else. I really do hope that this works out the way you hope it will, but I also hope you're prepared to accept that it might not. As for me being "rather young", I will take that as a compliment, even though I'm only a few years younger than yourself.
I have been, and am, praying for you. Good luck.
J
Wow. What a disappointment this thread has turned into...
To blue_ladybug, why do you keep repeating yourself? You aren't listening closely enough to what people are saying or your own belief system (if you're Christian). You yourself are missing things that are "crystal clear".
I think the OP wants support and to avoid divorce. That's what she would expect from a Christian forum. That's why she came here. She doesn't want to be advised to simply give up nor is that in any way necessary or good. That would be contrary to the vows she made and the Christian idea of marriage.
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To the OP: If you want to do your best for your marriage you're going to have to be patient and focused. Avoiding temptation (like clubbing) is huge right now.
It sounds like your husband has already gone to the brink many times. If he keeps getting angry and pushing back he needs time and space. Probably much more than you're used to giving. It can be hard to change patterns.
It may not be easy to accept where your husband has placed you right now, but I think that would be the most attractive thing you could do for him (with caveats).
In the end, for the marriage to work at its best you'll each have to start thinking about how you can serve each other, I think - putting yourselves in each others' shoes. You can do your part today, again, by respecting the space your husband created and by loving *patiently* from a distance.
I appreciate that you are keeping a positive outlook on your marriage and the responsibilities it includes. I hope you will be encouraged and supported in taking a good approach for the long haul.
Peace,
To blue_ladybug, why do you keep repeating yourself? You aren't listening closely enough to what people are saying or your own belief system (if you're Christian). You yourself are missing things that are "crystal clear".
I think the OP wants support and to avoid divorce. That's what she would expect from a Christian forum. That's why she came here. She doesn't want to be advised to simply give up nor is that in any way necessary or good. That would be contrary to the vows she made and the Christian idea of marriage.
---
To the OP: If you want to do your best for your marriage you're going to have to be patient and focused. Avoiding temptation (like clubbing) is huge right now.
It sounds like your husband has already gone to the brink many times. If he keeps getting angry and pushing back he needs time and space. Probably much more than you're used to giving. It can be hard to change patterns.
It may not be easy to accept where your husband has placed you right now, but I think that would be the most attractive thing you could do for him (with caveats).
In the end, for the marriage to work at its best you'll each have to start thinking about how you can serve each other, I think - putting yourselves in each others' shoes. You can do your part today, again, by respecting the space your husband created and by loving *patiently* from a distance.
I appreciate that you are keeping a positive outlook on your marriage and the responsibilities it includes. I hope you will be encouraged and supported in taking a good approach for the long haul.
Peace,
Agreed. Ladybug is becoming a pain in the butt.
And also agreed that the clubs are off limits. Kind of like walking into a lion's den.
However, her husband was not very wise to leave the way he did. He in essence has abandoned her and if they own a home together and if it ever went to a divorce then that would not look good for him.
It is better to stay together and work it out. If you need space then go to the garage or basement.
But of course that is my opinion and I have enough of my own problems.
And also agreed that the clubs are off limits. Kind of like walking into a lion's den.
However, her husband was not very wise to leave the way he did. He in essence has abandoned her and if they own a home together and if it ever went to a divorce then that would not look good for him.
It is better to stay together and work it out. If you need space then go to the garage or basement.
But of course that is my opinion and I have enough of my own problems.
You keep telling us that he called to get his mail. What you have not told us is what else did you talk about during that hour? Did you talk about staying together and working on your marriage? If so then thats a start in the right direction. I have not intended to sound insensitive or rude in my replies, and I'm sorry if I offended you BUT I call everything as I see it. It sounds like you are both immature and need to grow up. You're definitely in need of some good quality counseling!! You came on here asking for advice. But you seem to only want to hear positive advice, and not negative. Everything you've told us so far is negative!! His family hates you, he's a mama's boy who favors her over you, he's been verbally/ physically abusive, he keeps saying he doesnt want this marriage, you get in a fight and call the cops, he threatens you and leaves. I agree with the poster who said this relationship is toxic!!
Right now both of your minds are in different places. He's dealing with alot right now, as are you. You went to the bar out of hurt. He went to mama because apparently she makes him feel safe. You tell him guys hit on you and he gets mad and that confuses you? How did you expect him to react?
I know God can do anything, but you need to be prepared to accept that this situation may not end how you want it to. Sometimes God's answer is No, and you don't seem to want to hear that word. Even if this does end in divorce, the 2 of you can part as friends, and you don't necessarily have to be with someone else. I really do hope that this works out the way you hope it will, but I also hope you're prepared to accept that it might not. As for me being "rather young", I will take that as a compliment, even though I'm only a few years younger than yourself. I have been, and am, praying for you. Good luck.
Right now both of your minds are in different places. He's dealing with alot right now, as are you. You went to the bar out of hurt. He went to mama because apparently she makes him feel safe. You tell him guys hit on you and he gets mad and that confuses you? How did you expect him to react?
I know God can do anything, but you need to be prepared to accept that this situation may not end how you want it to. Sometimes God's answer is No, and you don't seem to want to hear that word. Even if this does end in divorce, the 2 of you can part as friends, and you don't necessarily have to be with someone else. I really do hope that this works out the way you hope it will, but I also hope you're prepared to accept that it might not. As for me being "rather young", I will take that as a compliment, even though I'm only a few years younger than yourself.
I have been, and am, praying for you. Good luck.I would agree the op should not be in a club because she is still married and a Christian but sometimes people who are desperate and hurting do stupid things. And maybe she did try to make her husband jealous and provoke him in that manner. That would only tell me that that is how desperate she is for some validation from her husband that he is obviously not giving her. That would be more the fault of the husband not meeting his wife's needs for validation and emotional connectedness.
And this momma's boy obviously comes from a dysfunctional family where he learned to relate in a dysfunctional way. I'll bet there is some narcissism in his family of origin. His family disrespecting his wife is not what a loving and close family would do but it is what a sick and dysfunctional family would do.
I don't think you get what is really going on so why keep going on and on with misconceptions?
