S
Obviously I can only reply to what you have posted and with the internet what we know of another is limited, it can be that way in real life, however I do stand by what I have posted from what you posted. I did notice you said it started years back so I wasn't saying that you have done what you have done in the last five minutes, but you admit yourself that you did not find God until after your marriage broke down, and that was my main point.
I would caution you to not take what your daughter has said at face value about her reasons for hurting herself, children, and adults too, sometimes tell those close to them what they want to hear, or maybe they don't understand their own reasons well enough so go for the most easiest or obvious reply, trust me your daughter's self harming is not because of your break up and your wife being gay, something else would have triggered it if it was bad enough. For example, some people turn to drink in grief, others don't. Your daughter could have not hurt herself and still been as upset as she is, some teenagers would turn to drugs, drink, sex or crime, or none of those, but your daughter CHOSE self harming, it is not a direct consequence of your circumstances. If you keep allowing her to finding excuses for self harming that rests on the actions of others then she will self harm when anything bad happens. Once you and her realise it is not her mother's fault but her own choice to react by self harming it then in your daughter's control, no matter what her Mum does with her life. It doesn't matter whether your wife stripped off in the town square, your daughter did not have to self harm to react to it, once she truly gets that your daughter will have her own power back to stop self harming. You have to help your daughter to realise her own actions are not linked to everything her mother does, she is not her mother, she is her own person. We've all had mothers, many who may upset us, but not everyone self harms, it choice, choice! God gave us free will.
When someone self harms they are very close to taking the next step to suicidal behaviour, the statistics are not good on this, even if she stops for a while it can some back, you need to help her over the real reason why she does it and why she doesn't have other ways of coping. If you keep saying it is her mother's behaviour that is causing her self harming she will always have that excuse on hand when she chooses to do it again and thereby you are enabling her problem to continue.
For example, your daughter may be self harming because at the back of her mind she thinks that she can convince her mother to stop being gay, leave that woman and come 'home' to stop her self harming, a form of emotional blackmail. However, there is a major problem with this, when her mother doesn't do what she wants your daughter will have to 'up the stakes' to try and get what she wants, many do that and turn to a suicide attempt that they hope that the person (they want a reaction from) will find them in time. Many die. Your daughter is trying to show her pain outwardly and has realised that it is making her 'special' and making her pain appear more valid externally to others. It will come back at times of stress throughout her life if the root cause is not dealt with.
I can see that you feel really bad about what has happened to you, and you didn't like my comment that people have it worse. I would like to make it clear I was not trying to dismiss what you have been though, that was not my intention, I was emphasising perspective. That is why it can really help those in terrible pain to help others, it doesn't mean what you went though is meaningless, it means you can take your pain as an opportunity to see the pain of others and realise that in the scheme of things you can cope better than you previously thought.
Btw, you shouldn't call your wife 'evil' and I hope you haven't been saying that to you children or even in front of them. Whatever she has done she is still their mother and that is blessed in the eyes of God. 'Evil' is a very strong word and especially as a Christian you should understand that. Also, consider this, your children are half of the woman you are calling evil so you are saying they are made of evil too, your children will hear that in what you say. You should consider that you are not here to judge, and there but for the grace of god go all of us.
You say people should not comment on how you feel as no one can really understand if they have not experienced what you have experienced, but how then do you not apply that reasoning to your wife? She is clearly going through great difficulties and is probably jumping into that relationship with a woman (she clearly has problems with) as a way of making sense of her confusion. Maybe you and her were not meant to be together, but either way that is not the point. You have not lived her life but you judge her? You cannot apply different standards to others. Your wife needs compassion, it is likely in the near future that she is going to have a crisis in her emotional life and you would do well to show her all the compassion you can find, think of the example that would give to your children.
Have you considered some church volunteering would be good for your daughter? It would get her out of her own problems going around her mind and at the same time bring her into a more Christian way of living? Maybe helping homeless children who those with cancer?
I would caution you to not take what your daughter has said at face value about her reasons for hurting herself, children, and adults too, sometimes tell those close to them what they want to hear, or maybe they don't understand their own reasons well enough so go for the most easiest or obvious reply, trust me your daughter's self harming is not because of your break up and your wife being gay, something else would have triggered it if it was bad enough. For example, some people turn to drink in grief, others don't. Your daughter could have not hurt herself and still been as upset as she is, some teenagers would turn to drugs, drink, sex or crime, or none of those, but your daughter CHOSE self harming, it is not a direct consequence of your circumstances. If you keep allowing her to finding excuses for self harming that rests on the actions of others then she will self harm when anything bad happens. Once you and her realise it is not her mother's fault but her own choice to react by self harming it then in your daughter's control, no matter what her Mum does with her life. It doesn't matter whether your wife stripped off in the town square, your daughter did not have to self harm to react to it, once she truly gets that your daughter will have her own power back to stop self harming. You have to help your daughter to realise her own actions are not linked to everything her mother does, she is not her mother, she is her own person. We've all had mothers, many who may upset us, but not everyone self harms, it choice, choice! God gave us free will.
When someone self harms they are very close to taking the next step to suicidal behaviour, the statistics are not good on this, even if she stops for a while it can some back, you need to help her over the real reason why she does it and why she doesn't have other ways of coping. If you keep saying it is her mother's behaviour that is causing her self harming she will always have that excuse on hand when she chooses to do it again and thereby you are enabling her problem to continue.
For example, your daughter may be self harming because at the back of her mind she thinks that she can convince her mother to stop being gay, leave that woman and come 'home' to stop her self harming, a form of emotional blackmail. However, there is a major problem with this, when her mother doesn't do what she wants your daughter will have to 'up the stakes' to try and get what she wants, many do that and turn to a suicide attempt that they hope that the person (they want a reaction from) will find them in time. Many die. Your daughter is trying to show her pain outwardly and has realised that it is making her 'special' and making her pain appear more valid externally to others. It will come back at times of stress throughout her life if the root cause is not dealt with.
I can see that you feel really bad about what has happened to you, and you didn't like my comment that people have it worse. I would like to make it clear I was not trying to dismiss what you have been though, that was not my intention, I was emphasising perspective. That is why it can really help those in terrible pain to help others, it doesn't mean what you went though is meaningless, it means you can take your pain as an opportunity to see the pain of others and realise that in the scheme of things you can cope better than you previously thought.
Btw, you shouldn't call your wife 'evil' and I hope you haven't been saying that to you children or even in front of them. Whatever she has done she is still their mother and that is blessed in the eyes of God. 'Evil' is a very strong word and especially as a Christian you should understand that. Also, consider this, your children are half of the woman you are calling evil so you are saying they are made of evil too, your children will hear that in what you say. You should consider that you are not here to judge, and there but for the grace of god go all of us.
You say people should not comment on how you feel as no one can really understand if they have not experienced what you have experienced, but how then do you not apply that reasoning to your wife? She is clearly going through great difficulties and is probably jumping into that relationship with a woman (she clearly has problems with) as a way of making sense of her confusion. Maybe you and her were not meant to be together, but either way that is not the point. You have not lived her life but you judge her? You cannot apply different standards to others. Your wife needs compassion, it is likely in the near future that she is going to have a crisis in her emotional life and you would do well to show her all the compassion you can find, think of the example that would give to your children.
Have you considered some church volunteering would be good for your daughter? It would get her out of her own problems going around her mind and at the same time bring her into a more Christian way of living? Maybe helping homeless children who those with cancer?