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Hi there,
I'm looking for advice and prayer for my marriage. I left on Monday with my children and have been staying with my sister since then.
This is my second marriage and it's is already breaking down. We are a blended family - both of us came into this with children. We've only been married for 3 months. I feel like I'm being smothered in that I'm not allowed to feel or act like anything good that fits the role of the "perfect wife." He tells me that "it's very obvious to everyone" that I'm immature, that I've got major issues, etc. It's like he wants this perfect, proper little family and I don't fit his mold. I don't even think he cares if I'M his wife; he just wants a wife and family, and since his ex didn't want him he settled for me. We fight every day, and every day he tells me how abusive I am, how controlling I am, and how I'm a dictator. I tried To hug him, in tears, begging him to just love me, and he peeled me off him like a piece of garbage, saying "don't touch me!" and "stop abusing me!"*
Whenever we fight, he demands specific examples of how he has hurt me (dates, times). I usually can't give them, so yesterday I wrote the issues I had down in my phone. He somehow found my phone and erased the whole thing from it.*
We fought yesterday and he threatened to go to his ex wife and tell her how I'm "damaging" to the kids (because if the kids see him upset, it will damage them). He has cheated on me with this woman and he knew it would hurt me. He ended up going there and spending between 45 min to an hour talking with her yesterday. I don't know, and I don't think he would ever be honest about, what they really talked about. He says he did "nothing wrong" and only discussed summer plans with her. He also said he wanted to make peace with her. Not with me, with her. Over 45 min isn't a summer plan talk.
He told me that his children are now his number one priority, and that he will work things out and deal with his ex before he deals with me because they have kids together. I asked him not to confide in her or other women right now - not to live the "single life" because I'm not, our of respect for our marriage. He told me I'm a dictator and to stop trying to put restrictions on him.
So now I'm the villain to both of them, and she gets to laugh at me because she always knew he'd come back wanting her again. He has told her every time we have had relationship problems.*
I feel so betrayed. I'm humiliated that my marriage only lasted 3 months, and that it ended where the relationship started: with him crawling to her. I suppose that's only appropriate. Bookends to my failure.*
Is there any reason whatsoever to stay with this man? He doesn't want me, he doesn't know where I am, and he doesn't even care. He treats me like a child and calls it "tough love." every time we have been apart in the past, he has gone to the company of other women, his ex first and foremost. I thought that he wouldn't do that to his wife, but I think he probably still sees her as his wife, so cheating doesn't count with her.
He agreed to meet with our counselor tomorrow, but he talks to me like he hates me. He says this is him having boundaries with the tough love. I think it's revenge.
Are wedding vows enough anymore? I think he broke his when he went to her. What should I do? And please don't judge me for taking this man back after he cheated before. I thought he could change. *What would you do? Thanks for listening.
I'm looking for advice and prayer for my marriage. I left on Monday with my children and have been staying with my sister since then.
This is my second marriage and it's is already breaking down. We are a blended family - both of us came into this with children. We've only been married for 3 months. I feel like I'm being smothered in that I'm not allowed to feel or act like anything good that fits the role of the "perfect wife." He tells me that "it's very obvious to everyone" that I'm immature, that I've got major issues, etc. It's like he wants this perfect, proper little family and I don't fit his mold. I don't even think he cares if I'M his wife; he just wants a wife and family, and since his ex didn't want him he settled for me. We fight every day, and every day he tells me how abusive I am, how controlling I am, and how I'm a dictator. I tried To hug him, in tears, begging him to just love me, and he peeled me off him like a piece of garbage, saying "don't touch me!" and "stop abusing me!"*
Whenever we fight, he demands specific examples of how he has hurt me (dates, times). I usually can't give them, so yesterday I wrote the issues I had down in my phone. He somehow found my phone and erased the whole thing from it.*
We fought yesterday and he threatened to go to his ex wife and tell her how I'm "damaging" to the kids (because if the kids see him upset, it will damage them). He has cheated on me with this woman and he knew it would hurt me. He ended up going there and spending between 45 min to an hour talking with her yesterday. I don't know, and I don't think he would ever be honest about, what they really talked about. He says he did "nothing wrong" and only discussed summer plans with her. He also said he wanted to make peace with her. Not with me, with her. Over 45 min isn't a summer plan talk.
He told me that his children are now his number one priority, and that he will work things out and deal with his ex before he deals with me because they have kids together. I asked him not to confide in her or other women right now - not to live the "single life" because I'm not, our of respect for our marriage. He told me I'm a dictator and to stop trying to put restrictions on him.
So now I'm the villain to both of them, and she gets to laugh at me because she always knew he'd come back wanting her again. He has told her every time we have had relationship problems.*
I feel so betrayed. I'm humiliated that my marriage only lasted 3 months, and that it ended where the relationship started: with him crawling to her. I suppose that's only appropriate. Bookends to my failure.*
Is there any reason whatsoever to stay with this man? He doesn't want me, he doesn't know where I am, and he doesn't even care. He treats me like a child and calls it "tough love." every time we have been apart in the past, he has gone to the company of other women, his ex first and foremost. I thought that he wouldn't do that to his wife, but I think he probably still sees her as his wife, so cheating doesn't count with her.
He agreed to meet with our counselor tomorrow, but he talks to me like he hates me. He says this is him having boundaries with the tough love. I think it's revenge.
Are wedding vows enough anymore? I think he broke his when he went to her. What should I do? And please don't judge me for taking this man back after he cheated before. I thought he could change. *What would you do? Thanks for listening.
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