My Sister is a recent widow and out of control

[Magenta]

The 12 step program may have started out having something to do with God. Now it's merely "something to do with any higher power." Many who go merely replace their addiction with an addiction to 12 Steps. True, a healthier addiction, but still not closer to God.[/QUOTE]

Hello Lynn. Have you read what is known as the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous? Written in 1939 (if I am remembering correctly), it is the prototype of every twelve step program that ensued in the following decades. God does not just have "something to do with" the program of recovery, but is the central subject, (except perhaps in rational recovery, developed by those people who think themselves too smart for God and therefore illogically have removed the solution from the solution). There is a chapter to the agnostic. It is true that many newcomers are uncomfortable with the mere mention of the word God, so people are allowed to call God a Higher Power, and given permission to have this power to be anything they conceive of it to be (God as they understand God), while encouraging a fearless and searching moral inventory, including looking at their beliefs about God, to assess the damage of a life run on self will. In other words, they need to start with where they are at with God. A preamble is read at the many meetings, taken from the fifth chapter of the Big Book where the steps are laid out and expounded upon. Here is what is stated in this preamble at the beginning of most AA meetings~ Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now! Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took... The preamble ends with making clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.

That not everyone recovers is a sad fact. Some people get some recovery and then relapse, and some commit suicide. Always the problem is laid out as a matter of not having God in our lives. Always God is presented as the solution. The disease is the enemy of life, cunning, baffling, and powerful. They do not call it Satan, but from a Christian perspective, they might as well.

 

[Sharah]

Hello

i think a quick update is in order.

She doesnt go out as much anymore. Drinking has been cut down and she listens when i talk now. Not always but about baby meeting all these strange men and exposing him to what she does.

Its been a long road and we have a long way more to go, i have forgiven her for the pervert( my special name for the stalker) and i can see baby now without begging. Its easier but also harder. Trust is now an issue because i trust nothing she says unless i see it with my own eyes.

Thank you for the prayer and advice.

The family found out about everything and blamed me or flat out didnt believe me which was hard at first but is now fine.
they know that i was telling the truth but it still hurt a lot. Im stronger now and i hope she is too. Yes she fell hard. She was used by more than one guy and although she wont tell me how many times sometimes baby tells me something out of the blue then she admits what she did.

It had been a bad two years but my heavenly father has not left me alone.

im very grateful.

thank you again.

 

[Zippy101]

I went thru a similar phase after my wife passed away. It ended when one of my kids showed me some tough love and dumped out the booze and told me hard truth. All I really needed was to know someone cared enough to take action and stop my downward spiral. I thank God he intervened or I'd probably be dead.
The best thing to do is to show your sister that you love her, stay rational during discussions and be there when she hits rock bottom.

 

[Ariel82]

Not sure how your family can blame you for your sister's bad choices.

They need a reality check and her bad behaviour would be her parents fault for using you as a whipping girl and not displining her or making her take responsibility for her own actions.

You are not responsible for her choice and no one should blame you for her decisions.

I am surprised that she didn't use you as a free babysitter.

I will pray you find support from your church family and learn that you are worth loving and showing respect to.

Don't let people walk all over you, that is not love. Its fear. God doesn't want us to be afraid. True accepts you as you are and helps you become a better person. Sometimes that means tough love and saying no. It means accepting correction and consequences for your actions.

 

[Sharah]

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Not sure how your family can blame you for your sister's bad choices.

They need a reality check and her bad behaviour would be her parents fault for using you as a whipping girl and not displining her or making her take responsibility for her own actions.

You are not responsible for her choice and no one should blame you for her decisions.

I am surprised that she didn't use you as a free babysitter.

I will pray you find support from your church family and learn that you are worth loving and showing respect to.

Don't let people walk all over you, that is not love. Its fear. God doesn't want us to be afraid. True accepts you as you are and helps you become a better person. Sometimes that means tough love and saying no. It means accepting correction and consequences for your actions.

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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Hy i tried updating for some reason i got locked out. [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Baby is doing well. He is such a blessing to me. [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I have good news. We go to church together now [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]My family believed that i was jealous and that is why they thought i was lying. The truth is out now and they seem to be adjusting to the fact that i was telling the truth all along. [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I am not bothered as their opinion never mattered in this instance i needed support and they failed at that. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I am stronger wiser and a bit more grateful for the life i have so if this was a lesson for me. I learned a lot, if it was an attempt to shake my faith? Didnt work. [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]My sister is trying and yes we still have trust issues but i have let go of the hurt and the feelings of betrayal and all the other negative emotions and now im trying to build a new life for myself and my family. One day at a time. Its really all i can do. [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I have never been a victim & all this did was make me go warrior princess on the situation. I am looking forward and baby is by my side. He is growing so fast and i am so blessed that i get to shape this future mans life. [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]He brings me untold joy & yes he hides the remote, then laughs when i search like a mad woman. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]God is so good to me, even when im not good to him in return. [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Thank you for the support and the encouragement and prayer [/COLOR]
[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I felt so isolated during this period i even forgot God was there. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]Thank you for reminding me that even though we are oceans apart we are all part of one family. [/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]God bless you all[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I am so thankful that he lives in me!!! [/COLOR]

 

[Sharah]

Please pray for my family as my mum has passed on today.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Please pray for my family as my mum has passed on today.

So sorry for your loss. You should go be with your family now, instead of on the computer here..

 

[Ariel82]

Please pray for my family as my mum has passed on today.

My dad died 3 months ago and I am still in shock.

Will pray with you sis.

How is baby doing?

Probably growing by leaps and bounds...my,little man is going to middle school and will,be driving in 6 years..

Time,goes by so fast, cherish every minute with your loved ones but remember we will see them again in Heaven.

 

[Sharah]

Hy.

baby is awesome. Its heartbreaking how much he is hurting but he has been crying a lot and we talk about mummy a lot.
Its been 3 weeks so far & we closed ranks. We stay home most days and just watch tv or movies. We are healing.
Thank you for your prayers.

Lady blue:
i put that post up for one reason. We needed prayer. I did it because i needed strength.
i knew that if i didnt reach out the pain would overwhelm us and i still believe that its through the prayers of everyone we requested it from that we are able to not be angry with God or the situation. We talk about the fact that we are devastated by her death but for her it means no more pain.

My mum was diabetic.
thats it. She was killed by a heart attack followed by a stroke or the other way round the doctors are not sure.
All i know is she is dead but im glad that she can see and she doesnt need insulin anymore and walking doesnt make her tired.
Its been a real learning curve so please dont stop praying for us. We need it.

 

[Sharah]

My dad died 3 months ago and I am still in shock.

Will pray with you sis.

How is baby doing?

Probably growing by leaps and bounds...my,little man is going to middle school and will,be driving in 6 years..

Time,goes by so fast, cherish every minute with your loved ones but remember we will see them again in Heaven.

my condolences. I am truly sorry for your pain. Yes the shock hasnt worn off for us either. May God be your light through the
pain. Its sad but we cant know what someone feels until it happens to us.

Stay faithful. I made a promise im going to see her again.

 

[RBA238]

Your Sister needs to surrender herself unto The Lord, get Truly converted, pray and he will give her possibly a good man to Love and take care of her. She won't find that person in Bars, Nightclubs, or even on line possibly. God does,not send his children bad people as wolves in sheep's clothing.