My wife wants a divorce and it's my fault but I don't want to lose her.

[imfinallyfree]

So you've been drinking awhile but this is the first time that you've physically harmed your wife? Have you done it emotionally before?(harmed her) because that's just as bad maybe worse.

If she comes from a family whete abuse is common I can totally appreciate where she's coming from but after one incident then leaving you for good seems a bit extreme,don't get me wrong especially with a child involved thats probably the right thing to do.

My point is that most women don't come to that conclusion for years if ever so in my opinion either she has prior experience giving her insight or it's something else like maybe she's been waiting for a excuse to leave for a entirely different reason and you just gave her a perfect one.

Either way I think that more research into the overall situation is required before you can figure it out,by overall I mean not just this incident but your marriage entirely,your life,her life ,possibly your childs life.

Maybe you haven't been as attentive about certain aspects that you thought you were or not as attentive as she thought that you should be some people have communication problem to where they won't even tell you about stuff like that,they'll just carry on with life until one day a few things add up and pushes them over the edge.

As a man I can attest to being dense about some things because its just in our nature so maybe she doesn't have a communication problem maybe she tried communicating these things and you just didn't see it.

I hope that you figure it out for your childs sake if nothing else and congratulations on quitting drinking man I just did the same and after about 25 yrs of being constantly hung over I feel a lot better.

 

[jenniferand2]

My wife and I have separated. She's asking for a divorce and I don't believe in it but I can't blame her either. I was an alcoholic up until a little over a month ago. I had a terrible night with alcohol one evening and blacked out. In my drunken state I was physically abusive to my wife. When I finally awoke the next morning I had very little recollection of what I had done but she told me what happened and said she was leaving me. We've had problems in the past but nothing this serious. At the time I didn't realize I had a problem with alcohol. I wasn't a follower of Jesus then either. I have since been saved and have quit drinking. I'm trying to change my life around for the better but losing my wife and family is tearing my life apart. I've prayed constantly about what to do and I feel so lost and broken. I don't ever want to be that person again. I don't know where to go from here. I'm completely ashamed of what I did and it sickens me when I think of how I hurt the love of my life. She has moved into a place of her own with our daughter now and is not willing to try and work on things. I can't blame her at all but I can't help feeling that it's truly wrong in my heart to just give up on our marriage. This was difficult for me to confess publicly but I feel if I hide this pain inside me, it will cause more damage than good.

friend great job on changing... You need to show her a good track record if you ever want a chance... It is selfish of you to want to have her just forget what happened and forgive and move on.. Congrats on sobriety stuck with it... If you show her that your changed for good you may have a chance.. but this is all fresh you can not unbury years and years of abuse and problems in that short of time.. it take years and years to get that out of your head...i still suffer with trauma related to abuse and it has been over twenty years.. so stay strong don't push her. just give her space and continue to show her your change maybe once she sees it is for real and not just a ploy to get her back she will let her guard down some.. don't expect it to be quick.. just pray and keep working on you for now..

 

[jenniferand2]

Thank you to all of you who are replying and being so supportive! My wife is a Christian and I guess that's what makes this even harder to bear. I have not yet sought out counseling due to my work schedule, school, and mainly financial situation. I also am having a hard time finding a Christian counselor near me that I believe would be able to offer the most help, though I have been researching them. I do realize that drinking wasn't my only fault and I'm trying to work on myself in multiple ways. I love my wife and daughter unconditionally and want the best for them in life no matter what. I pray constantly to God and pray for salvation. The hurt is enormous and I can only hope God will do miracles in my life.

seek counsling with a local pastor they may do it free or for very little..

 

[hornetguy]

I have to spread around some reps before repping Magenta again... she gave very sound advice. While getting involved with a Stephen minister is a good thing, what you need is a total support and accountability group... which AA is. They have a long track record of being arguably the BEST way to overcome your addiction. But, be forewarned, don't expect loving arms patting you on the back, saying "there, there... it'll be all right..."

Most AA/12 step groups practice very tough love... and 100% accountability. But that is what you need, at this point.

A good side effect, is that your wife and kids (I think.. not sure about kids) can get involved in an Al-anon group... it's for families and friends of alcoholics/addicts. It helps them through THEIR hurts and distrust, and gives them a sound approach to helping you win your struggle...