Need advice and guidance

[lostandhurt]

I have been married to my husband for 17 years. We got pregnant while I was still in high school, got married and have had another child since. It's never been easy...neither one of us were mature enough in the beginning to get married, but we made it though that part. He's a vetran and has spent a lot of time away from me in the past b/c of his duty, which caused me to become more independant to take care of things when he was gone. I have furthered my education throughout our marriage in an attempt to better myself and help our family financially. In the past it never really impacted my family other than missing a few hrs a week to be in class. However, my last school stint lasted 2 yrs and while I survived nursing school, it seems that my marriage might not. The last year of school was very hard and I did have to put a lot into it...but I saw it as a sacrifice that would pay off and I truly thought that my relationship with my husband was strong enough to weather the storm. My husband is now telling me that he's only here for the kids and that if it weren't for them and our financial situation, that he'd be gone. Almost 19 years together and now I'm fighting tooth and nail to keep my family together. I don't want a divorce and I have no intention of finding happiness with anyone else. I want nothing more than to repair my marriage and go on to live happily ever after. I need guidance and advice. Please help.

 

[shekaniah]

Lostandhurt,

I think you are both just going through a rough patch.
Not spending quality time together will cause a your bond to each other to weaken.
Try to focus on why you first got together... all the things you love about him.
It will show in your attidude toward him, smile every time you look at him... like you use to.
Men need positive praise, physical attention and feel needed.
He might even feel intimidated by the fact you made it through school and are more independant.
Make sure you make him feel wanted. If you can... try to spend quality time together.
I will pray for you all too!
Love in Jesus, Shekaniah

 

[Lucy68]

Don't give up hope...most marriages (probably all) go through rough patches . If both spouses are willing to work on the relationship, then it's almost always fixable.

Sounds like you and your husband need to reconnect. Especially after all the separations you two have had due to work and school.

Have you talked about going to counseling together? An objective third party can really help you get talking to each other. Hurt and resentment will build walls that are hard to break down.

You mention your independence and although that's good in some ways, especially with him in the military, it can make a husband feel like he isn't needed. Husbands need to know that their wives need them...emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Once you and your husband reclaim each other he will probably be OK with you finishing your schooling. Just be sure that your priorities are straight...God, husband, family, then everything else .

I strongly suggest you and your husband seek God together. The spiritual glue in a marriage is really what holds it together ultimately. This world will do everything it can to tear apart families...please don't let it.

Praying for guidance for you and your husband from the Holy Spirit and forgiving hearts for both of you...may God help you to fall in love with each other all over again .

 

[GOD_IS_LOVE]

"And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." Matthew 21:22 Amen!

 

[Brandon777]

God may be what keeps your marriage alive. Is your husband born again? If so, then your deepest love is still the same and the direction of your life is still the same. To obey God and sacrifice for Him. Do you sincerely believe that it is God's will for you two to stay together? I do. Does your husband believe that? If both of you do, you have a foot to stand on.

If you don't, then send me a message, because I believe God would want you two to stay together because of these two verses. Matthew 19:8 "Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning." And 1 Corinthians 13:7 "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

If He says he doesn't, then don't lose heart yet. Keep hope in your heart and don't harbor bitterness against your husband or God. This is what you do. You pray with very much supplication and praise God and if you want your marriage enough, fast from all food but drinking water on a day off from work. Whenever you get hungry, in place of eating, offer supplication and praise with your prayer. But most important is to remember God to adore Him with your voice and your whole body and mind and spirit. This isn't just about your problem of having a marriage on the rocks, it's an opportunity to grow closer to God! And consider how to be a better wife while you are still his wife to honor God, even if your own heart must begin to drift from your husband to God.

If both of you do then ask him if there's any chance he would want to repair the marriage. If he's willing than ask him if he would mind praying with you. If he wants to, then pray to God, with him there, all the reasons you cherish your husband I realize this is putting yourself out there, but that is how trust is won back. It seems like you would be willing to admit that you neglected your husband by placing your career as a priority above your husband. Am I right? Have you apologized to him for this yet?

 

[loveme1]

God may be what keeps your marriage alive. Is your husband born again? If so, then your deepest love is still the same and the direction of your life is still the same. To obey God and sacrifice for Him. Do you sincerely believe that it is God's will for you two to stay together? I do. Does your husband believe that? If both of you do, you have a foot to stand on.

If you don't, then send me a message, because I believe God would want you two to stay together because of these two verses. Matthew 19:8 "Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning." And 1 Corinthians 13:7 "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

If He says he doesn't, then don't lose heart yet. Keep hope in your heart and don't harbor bitterness against your husband or God. This is what you do. You pray with very much supplication and praise God and if you want your marriage enough, fast from all food but drinking water on a day off from work. Whenever you get hungry, in place of eating, offer supplication and praise with your prayer. But most important is to remember God to adore Him with your voice and your whole body and mind and spirit. This isn't just about your problem of having a marriage on the rocks, it's an opportunity to grow closer to God! And consider how to be a better wife while you are still his wife to honor God, even if your own heart must begin to drift from your husband to God.

If both of you do then ask him if there's any chance he would want to repair the marriage. If he's willing than ask him if he would mind praying with you. If he wants to, then pray to God, with him there, all the reasons you cherish your husband I realize this is putting yourself out there, but that is how trust is won back. It seems like you would be willing to admit that you neglected your husband by placing your career as a priority above your husband. Am I right? Have you apologized to him for this yet?

Wonderful post.

Glory to Yahvah God and Yahshua the Messiah.