need advice on what to do

[mamabear1985]

My names Anita and im 27 yrs old just had my first baby KImberly Brianna and i want her to have her family together because my parents have been divorced since i was small but my boyfriend her father has been cheating on me since i was pregnant and is still doing so after many promises of not to do it any more with different females but he still hides his phone and turns it off to where his family members end up calling me because his is turned off so it wont ring over a year ago i did cheat once and left him and we ended up back together and i changed and started going back to church im stuck on what to do he says its my fault but i dont want my daughter to learn either of our behaviors but at the same time i do love him and want her to have her family

 

[mamabear1985]

Dna test was done he wanted one and she is his daughter which i knew she was

 

[Elizabeth619]

I'm a single mother. I went through the same thing. When I went in to labor with my son I called the father and he refused to come to the hospital at that time. I later found out he didn't want to leave the house because he had a girl over there.
After our son was born he had to be transferred to another hospital where he stayed in NICU for 10 days. His never went to see his child.
The day our son came home he told me be had been with multiple women since the day he met me. I was furious, hurt and shocked.

I didn't want my son growing up in a "broken" home either. As time went on I realized that it was best not to be with the father than to be with him since he had no respect for me or himself.
He did promise to support the baby though.

Our son is 11 now. He is $20,000 behind in child support and has not seen his son since July.

I'm telling you my story not to say this will happen to you but if he cannot be faithful while you're carrying his child what makes you think he will be faithful now?

I understand not wanting your baby to be raised be a single parent, but staying with a cheater is not a good influence on her.

 

[Ugly]

Honestly this whole situation sounds a mess. A not to be mean, but you sound a bit of a mess yourself. I'm assuming you're a Christian, being on a Christian board seeking advice. But you're saying you were sleeping with your boyfriend, outside of marriage, cheated on him, got back together and he's been cheating on your nearly a year. And you so desire to have a 'family' for your child that you are willing to try to push some ungodly, already failed relationship farther to achieve this goal you have in your mind. Are you not considering that if you were to marry this guy that you will be divorced while your child is still young? Everything about this relationship is bad and dysfunctional and nothing about it has anything to do with God. Sounds to me you are not even ready for a relationship. You are making choices against Gods word, you are making bad decisions and ignoring the obvious warning signs screaming in your face, all in some attempt to satisfy some desire you have. Ignoring the fact that it will likely blow up in your face. I think the wisest choice is to dump this guy, forget dating for a while, and renew your relationship with God. I'm just saying this to help, not to criticize.

 

[mamabear1985]

thanks for all the advice you all have given me

 

[intercessorginger]

Dear Mamabear,
Well I would recommend that you consider a deeper walk with the Lord, for your own sake and the sake of your child. You want you children to know and love the Lord. In Christ is the answer to everything you have asked about and once you have truly had a born again experience and given your life to him, he will direct you.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight

 

[Tommy4Christ]

My names Anita and im 27 yrs old just had my first baby KImberly Brianna and i want her to have her family together because my parents have been divorced since i was small but my boyfriend her father has been cheating on me since i was pregnant and is still doing so after many promises of not to do it any more with different females but he still hides his phone and turns it off to where his family members end up calling me because his is turned off so it wont ring over a year ago i did cheat once and left him and we ended up back together and i changed and started going back to church im stuck on what to do he says its my fault but i dont want my daughter to learn either of our behaviors but at the same time i do love him and want her to have her family

I have a question for you, and hope you will dig deep in your soul to answer it! What you just described is a very sad situation, especially since you have a young innocent child!

I wish I could tell you to just pray harder, or just seek a good focus group at your church, but this will not do.

You both are in great danger, and are in great sin and disobedience against God! especially if you and him claim to be saved, followers of Jesus Christ!

You said he is your boyfriend? You are not married and had a baby together?

I dont expect you to answer my questions just think deeply how sinful you are, and what this is doing to your family, yet alone to the heart of God!

You both need to repent, and seek the mercy of God, get right with God first, get married, and stop your rebellion to God! You are responsible for your young child, God will give you all the strength to do the right thing, it wont be easy, but He demands it!

Jas 4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Jas 4:8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
Jas 4:9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
Jas 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

 

[Tommy4Christ]

The Lord is near!

Psa 145:18 The Lord is near all those who call on Him, all those who call on Him in truth.
Psa 145:19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry, and will save them.
Psa 145:20 The Lord watches over all those who love Him; but all the wicked He will destroy.
Yes the Lord is near; He is near to those who call on Him in truth, which means out of a pure heart, an obedient faith, along with a humble spirit that has been absolutely broken in repentance!
To fear God is to know Him, to respect His awesome power over sin and temptation, and also to obey and keep His commands as He wills His true followers to do!
And when the broken, repentant soul cries out as the whole city of Nineveh did, He will save them as they cried out for mercy and forgiveness because they were cut to the heart as to their great sin and disobedience to almighty God!
And now the best of the best of God! He watches over and protects His true saints, which are those who love and fear Him supremely, and have come to Him on His terms as commanded, which simply is repentance unto Him, followed by faith (obedience) unto His son Jesus Christ!
Act 20:21 Testifying both to the Jews, and also to the Greeks, repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ.
But there is a catch here, since many who profess Christ as their savior have failed to understand. Those who have failed to come to God on His terms, through the repentance process, and are still in great bondage to the world and sin, God will destroy, which doesn’t mean a slap on the wrist, to all who think you can be IN sin, and IN Christ at the same time!
The wicked are simply the ones who have the pride and arrogance to call themselves followers of Christ, but openly admit they are addicted to many vile sins, or admit they struggle constantly by falling into willful disobedience to God, trampling on the precious blood of Christ over and over again!
God is no respecter of any person, but gives His grace and mercy to the humble, who are not perfect, BUT perfectly obey His commands, keeping themselves unspotted from the world, and any willful sin and disobedience!
Psa 117:1 O praise the LORD, all ye nations: praise him, all ye people.
Psa 117:2 For his merciful kindness is great toward us: and the truth of the LORD endureth for ever. Praise ye the LORD!
Tommy 3-9-13

 

[leelee]

so tommy you think she should completely overlook infidelity then?

 

[Lucy68]

Do you really want this man in yours and your daughter's life? Will he be a good influence on her? Having a stable marriage and family is wonderful and I pray that you find that someday. But if he isn't good husband material, he's probably not good father material either. Your daughter may benefit more from a stable, Christian step-father than her biological father.

Praying for you....strength through Jesus Christ, seek Him first. Things will become much clearer as you build your relationship with the Savior.

 

[Hungry]

Mamabear, it's funny that's what I call my wife when I think she's being overprotective of our children. I assume you too want to protect your little girl. Someone who requests a dna test is saying loudly, I don't want to be a father. This is the kind of thing you want to keep your child from, especially a daughter who seek desperately the love of a father. More than a "complete" home a child needs a loving home. Please heed this advice. Be there. Not out looking for Mr Right. It's not about you anymore. Even if you are lonely, you need to provide a stable environment the best you can. God has a soft spot for fatherless children. I'm sure this isn't exactly how you pictured it but this is what you got, so do the best you can with it. I'm glad you are going to church but the Christian life is really about what you are doing the other 167 hours in the week. You might have feelings for your boyfriend but he is acting as such, a boy. Believe me he will drag you down and hurt you continually. He cares only for himself, let him go. I think you already knew all this but you were hoping someone would tell you something different. May God bless you Mamabear, I pray He guide you in wisdom.

 

[HumbleMut]

mamabear, sounds to me that you have your head on straight. You have made up your mind to be there for your baby. You have gone back to church, please do not forget to ask Jesus for constant help. Others have given you advice that it will not be good to stay with a cheater, they are right, and it sounds like you already know this. A single cheating is bad enough, but can be worked through and forgiven. Constant cheating tells you that he does not care. A life like this would eventually destroy you. You and your baby need to be with a husband (and father) that will put you first.
I am speaking from experience, remember to pray for what you need and trust that Jesus will deliver ! God Bless

 

[leelee]

hungry do you take an hour off each week? lol