Need some advice is possible

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

ajulson91

New member
Jan 2, 2022
7
2
3
#1
hi I’m new here and am looking for get some insight on marriage and pornography? Has anyone personally struggled or had a spouse struggle with porn and feel like it’s ok to continue to do it after you’ve expressed how you felt about it?
 
Oct 10, 2021
348
162
43
#2
hi I’m new here and am looking for get some insight on marriage and pornography? Has anyone personally struggled or had a spouse struggle with porn and feel like it’s ok to continue to do it after you’ve expressed how you felt about it?
You didn't know your spouse had a addiction to porn before you got married? If that's the case its probably not going to work. The spouse wasn't honest from the get go. Therefore, what else is your spouse hiding. That's what you should be thinking about at this point dear. God bless and ill pray for you
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
1,595
1,152
113
#3
hi I’m new here and am looking for get some insight on marriage and pornography? Has anyone personally struggled or had a spouse struggle with porn and feel like it’s ok to continue to do it after you’ve expressed how you felt about it?
Is your spouse a Christian? Many non-Christians are totally fine with watching porn, they even watch it together. So, a non-Christian may not understand what this fuss is all about.
 

ajulson91

New member
Jan 2, 2022
7
2
3
#4
Is your spouse a Christian? Many non-Christians are totally fine with watching porn, they even watch it together. So, a non-Christian may not understand what this fuss is all about.
I’m pretty certain he have some struggles with it before we got together. It’s just been hard to get him to want to stop. It’s like it’s a priority over me which bothers me but if I talk to him about it he’s super defensive. Plus he locks his phone when I’m around. Also I’ve looked in his direction and seen he’s looking half naked women, I just keep quiet so it doesn’t end in a fight. Sorry if this is too personal.
 
Oct 10, 2021
348
162
43
#5
I’m pretty certain he have some struggles with it before we got together. It’s just been hard to get him to want to stop. It’s like it’s a priority over me which bothers me but if I talk to him about it he’s super defensive. Plus he locks his phone when I’m around. Also I’ve looked in his direction and seen he’s looking half naked women, I just keep quiet so it doesn’t end in a fight. Sorry if this is too personal.
If you keep quite its going to continue and at that point he's taking you for granted. If f you feeling like its a priority over you than more than likely it is hun. Also, locked phones and looking at half naked women are all huge red flags dear
 

ajulson91

New member
Jan 2, 2022
7
2
3
#6
Is your spouse a Christian? Many non-Christians are totally fine with watching porn, they even watch it together. So, a non-Christian may not understand what this fuss is all about.
My husband was a Christian before we got together and married. We even went thru marriage counseling and nothing has seemed to help. I’m at the point where I can’t even talk to him without him being super defensive about it
 

ajulson91

New member
Jan 2, 2022
7
2
3
#7
If you keep quite its going to continue and at that point he's taking you for granted. If f you feeling like its a priority over you than more than likely it is hun. Also, locked phones and looking at half naked women are all huge red flags dear
I don’t know how to just talked to him without it ending in a fight or him being defensive and denying it.
 
Oct 10, 2021
348
162
43
#8
I don’t know how to just talked to him without it ending in a fight or him being defensive and denying it.
Well if you already tried marriage cousenling and nothings changed it maybe time to move on. Also if he keeps denying it, he clearly has a lying problem and you definently don't need that in a relationship. That's the number one failure in marriages or any relationship is trust, so once that's gone ain't nothing left in the relationship.
 

ajulson91

New member
Jan 2, 2022
7
2
3
#9
Thank you. I appreciate the advice. Its just been hard to even process this whole thing. It makes it even harder knowing we have a kids and i want to do the right thing for my kiddos as well as myself
 
Oct 10, 2021
348
162
43
#10
Thank you. I appreciate the advice. Its just been hard to even process this whole thing. It makes it even harder knowing we have a kids and i want to do the right thing for my kiddos as well as myself
That's understandable hun, but staying with a husband you can't trust isn't going to help the kiddos either. Well good luck and whatever you decide hope its the best for you and the kids. God bless
 

ajulson91

New member
Jan 2, 2022
7
2
3
#12
He claims that he is. We go to church and he get saved again. We’ve been thru marriage counseling and renewed our vows last year.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,932
2,372
113
#13
hi I’m new here and am looking for get some insight on marriage and pornography? Has anyone personally struggled or had a spouse struggle with porn and feel like it’s ok to continue to do it after you’ve expressed how you felt about it?
He has an addiction. Many people don't realize how addictive it can be. The degree of addiction is compared to that of heroin addiction.
Marriage counseling won't help that. Counseling targeted on this addiction is needed. But as is the case with all addiction the participant must be Willing and wanting or nothing will come of it.
Check out a site called Fight the New Drug. They have lots of information, including advice for you.
 

Buckle

Junior Member
Jun 3, 2016
47
19
8
#14
hi I’m new here and am looking for get some insight on marriage and pornography? Has anyone personally struggled or had a spouse struggle with porn and feel like it’s ok to continue to do it after you’ve expressed how you felt about it?
Porn is harmful, full stop. There is lots of actual research showing this, much of it not even done by Christians. This coming from a long time porn addict. Bring it up again advise him if he is not willing to change you will seek pastoral help. He clearly doesn't see this as an issue of he would have brought it up before you got married, as I did with my now wife.
 

3angelsmsg

Junior Member
Mar 1, 2018
606
643
93
#15
Hello ajulson91, I am sorry to hear of your situation. Are you willing to let go of your marriage over this? I have also been addicted to pornography. And it very selfish thing to do. And I can say its not possible to do it in your own strength and when you also don't have a understanding of yourself, the fundamental law and the law of nature it is not possible. All that I could think of is that you ought to have patience and be supportive towards to him. I know it may feel that he is unfaithful to towards your marriage covenant. But he is sinning firstly against God and you are suppose to act with love towards him. And although his priority should be to give priority to his family. And he isn't doing it. Should your happiness to depended on your husband's actions or ought your happiness be linked with your first love with God?
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
16,986
8,486
113
#16
He claims that he is. We go to church and he get saved again. We’ve been thru marriage counseling and renewed our vows last year.
There's no excuse for what your husband is doing. Since you go to a church, ask the pastor (or preferably two or more pastors and/or elders) to come to your home and confront your husband about this. You need two or three witnesses when the matter is discussed. If he refuses to get spiritual counseling or give up his addiction, then you may have to walk away from this man, and take your children with you. Technically this is adultery. And you may have to talk to a lawyer about how this should be handled. But take it a step at a time.
 

Jesus_Leads

Active member
Aug 15, 2021
111
32
28
#17
hi I’m new here and am looking for get some insight on marriage and pornography? Has anyone personally struggled or had a spouse struggle with porn and feel like it’s ok to continue to do it after you’ve expressed how you felt about it?
Hey there, I'm no expert in marriage but I have experienced porn addiction it's a sinful bondage mostly under the dominion of a evil spirit. You have to get advice from a spiritual elder in your church, gather two or more Godly women from your church and pray for him regularly(lord says where two or more gather in my name I'll be there) say these verses, practice to use verses regularly in your life after this soak yourself in scripture(start with the new testament). Fasting and praying would be more effective. Ask God to deliver your husband from this bondage cry to God that you have no other way to fix this. Our Father is a God of mercy he will definitely hear you.
My words may seem foolish but in my experience you can't win this physically. I once tried everything on my own to give up this habit but nothing worked and guess who saved me the Holy Spirit. Because "What is impossible with man is possible with God luke 18:27".

Let me give you some suggestions if your man is soft hearted he might fall for this. You should have started praying to God before trying this. Idk how you have dealt with him on this issue so far like pleasing or yelling. I suggest you to talk to him kindly like a loving wife. Tell him that you love him and express your true feeling that his deeds are hurting you so much. Tell him that we can fix all this if you he is ready to co-operate. Also tell him that this is a bondage of satan and this habit will strike his name out of heaven. Tell him you want to go to heaven as a family and ask him if he will give up this serious sin. Add anything that will melt his heart. Again you should have started praying atleat few prayer sessions before approaching him like this. Satan is an expert in blinding heart if you approach without prayer he won't be able to see your feelings. And trust me, most men fall for tears more than yelling and fighting.

This may seem like a overwhelming task but once you submit yourself to God he will give you strength from heaven. You will be able to do all this with the guidance of holy spirit. I'm saying this out of my own experience God is almighty, God is the one who gives us victory, Jesus Christ has won this world,sin and satan you are his daughter so just claim your victory. If your husband says he's ready to Co-operate let me know.

Leaving may seem like a quick solution but if you fight satan and fix everything you have a lifetime of togetherness, choose wisely. May God be with you.
 
Nov 21, 2021
1
1
3
#18
He claims that he is. We go to church and he get saved again. We’ve been thru marriage counseling and renewed our vows last year.
Pray fervently for your husband dear...and stop talking him about that...just show him love and patience and take that fight in the spirit(through prayer)...only prayer can help
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
9,106
6,255
113
#19
Leaving may seem like a quick solution
It saddens me when I see/hear people first solution is to "just leave him".......
I often wonder IF traditional vows were said at a wedding (because some don't use these lines) of "for better or worse" if those words were said, were they really meant?
 

Jesus_Leads

Active member
Aug 15, 2021
111
32
28
#20
It saddens me when I see/hear people first solution is to "just leave him".......
I often wonder IF traditional vows were said at a wedding (because some don't use these lines) of "for better or worse" if those words were said, were they really meant?
Exactly, that's what I thought. In Marriage vows couples say "till death do us apart". Those are very strong words. I'm not even married yet and I cannot believe how they say, "lets divorce" so easily.