Need some encouragement today

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Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#61
Wait it out till the end. You are still married so do not compromise your integrity and obedience to Christ. Even if this is not reconciled you don't want to be guilty of even entertaining the idea of a relationship with someone else until you are divorced. Do the right thing.
And do not reach for a bottle to numb the pain. It is a lie. It will only magnify the pain and bring destruction into every area of your life. Get involved in church and support groups and prayer meetings and just be around sold out christians every day that you can. Do not isolate yourself. I have never signed up for a dating site because the idea is revolting to me, so I have no experience with them but all I hear are bad stories of sin. If this does not work out as you want it to and down the road the Lord gives you peace about meeting someone else meet them in church where you can both be involved in serving Christ together as friends first.

To encourage you I would say to prepare for a time of total focus on Jesus and the Word for at least a year and be strong in the Lord and satisfied with pleasing Him without distraction. Don't allow yourself to think that you MUST have companionship to be happy. Wait on the Lord and be at peace. Give yourself at least a year of not thinking about relationships. Your emotions are going to go through some rough patches but God is able to heal and strengthen without you having to turn into a country song of destruction first.
How about a life of total focus on the Lord?😁
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#62
Thank you brother for your wisdom. God bless you. I'm with you on everything you said. I was convinced for the longest time she had paranoid personality disorder, but I think it may be borderline personality disorder with paranoia.

I have been fighting and praying everyday. I know my marriage is more important to God than it is even to me, so I fought for it like it was. Unfortunately, if she pushes the issue, I will have to sign some type of divorce agreement because the house mortgage is in my name and if the judge gives her possession of the home, she will ruin my credit, I'll be homeless, and I'll owe tens of thousands to the bank. So, as much as I am a man of obedience and principle in following Christ, being forced into that type of financial siutation will ruin my daughter's life as well and I cannot do that.

It has been a toxic marriage and much of the blame is hers, but I have to try to go above and beyond what I was doing to see if it will make the difference and to be obedient to God. I was not always mindful of how much and how deeply I loved her until we were separated. She means more to me than I ever thought possible.
Are you getting advice from a good Pastor & elders, and prayer support?
She’s more important than money or things, try to keep peace as far as it is possible for you; God is able to lead you in all things.
He can show you the root of the anger and what to do, he can heal and deliver you from it. you can pray for her more effectively then aswell...
Just keep real close to Him, we don’t know how long this is gonna take, 1 day at a time with Him... that’s how we live... by faith, by trusting Him with every circumstance and every moment, looking to the all-sufficient One, for wisdom about all decisions.
Never mind human reasoning, listen to Him, seek Him with all of your heart, get grace from Him to obey Him in everything. The Bible says it’s wise to have wise, Godly counsellors around you- make sure they have stable, happy marriages as evidence that they are proven advisors👌 They should be husbands of 1 wife and their households should be running well- the Bible says, stable people. Ask God to lead you to the right advisors if you need to.

My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.
Philippians 4:19
Stay in the Word bro X
 

bluewriter

Junior Member
Mar 14, 2016
78
32
18
#63
No timeline bro, leave the process and timing to God or you will seem like you’re pressuring her.
Send more then $20 for the stepson way more, pray about all these things, pray for wisdom aswell, I personally think a 365 day prayer book isn’t wise as she may see it as you trying to correct her when you just need her to know that you are genuinely repentant. she may not be ready for church as husband and wife yet, let her respond if and when she is ready. You got to be led by the Lord in everything or you will not be able to lead her like He wants you to; lay it all down for her and leave the rest to Him; that is what she did for us He laid it all down.
Do not agree to divorce unless there is adultery. Play life by the Bibles rules alone do not lean on your own understanding. Listen to the Spirit, if you feel resistance about something then don’t do it/ send it even if it seems like a good idea to you👌
Hope I am helping you guys.
God bless X
I'm not sure why a daily prayer book would make her feel I'm trying to correct her. I have decided to not come to her while she is in her office. I'm going to show up before she gets off work and leave the gifts on her car. That way she isn't embarrassed by me coming to her office or anything. I will give her time to digest everything I've given to her and then I will text her and ask if it is okay if I sit with her at church that evening. If she says no, then I'll give her space. Then I will text her Saturday and ask if it is okay if I sit with her at church. I will continue to give her space, but at the same time letting her know I'm interested without stalking or being obsessive.

I pray and read the Bible everyday. I wish He would tell me very clearly what to do lol. I believe the idea for the gifts came from Him as I hadn't even considered it until like two days ago and then it seemed so clear to me.

I do listen to what people are telling me. I have been very open to listening to people's input and revamping my ideas to what seems right.
 

bluewriter

Junior Member
Mar 14, 2016
78
32
18
#64
Are you getting advice from a good Pastor & elders, and prayer support?
She’s more important than money or things, try to keep peace as far as it is possible for you; God is able to lead you in all things.
He can show you the root of the anger and what to do, he can heal and deliver you from it. you can pray for her more effectively then aswell...
Just keep real close to Him, we don’t know how long this is gonna take, 1 day at a time with Him... that’s how we live... by faith, by trusting Him with every circumstance and every moment, looking to the all-sufficient One, for wisdom about all decisions.
Never mind human reasoning, listen to Him, seek Him with all of your heart, get grace from Him to obey Him in everything. The Bible says it’s wise to have wise, Godly counsellors around you- make sure they have stable, happy marriages as evidence that they are proven advisors👌 They should be husbands of 1 wife and their households should be running well- the Bible says, stable people. Ask God to lead you to the right advisors if you need to.

My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.
Philippians 4:19
Stay in the Word bro X
Yes, may God supply all my needs according to His riches in glory!

I realized tomorrow may not be the end of the fight, but I'm in it to win it. I'm trusting Him the whole way.

I have sought out counsel only from people who believe in marriage as I do. Some very negative, worldly people in my circle of family and friends have sought to advise me against continuing my marriage. I had to let one of my lifelong friends know not to message me anymore if he couldn't support me in my marriage and my faith due to his point of view about my situation. They say they don't want me to get hurt by my wife's actions anymore, but I'm 38 years old, and a mental health practitioner - I know what I'm doing and the risks involved. Loving someone always comes with risks.

I believe I have resolved my anger issues, but I can only truly know when put into situations that would cause me to be angry. I understand that anger will not benefit me at all in those situations. That itself is enough to keep me from reacting and yelling and blowing up.

I do greatly appreciate your support and counsel. I have tried to seek out the support of godly people who say they stand with me in faith that God will heal and restore my marriage. The "what-if'ers" and the "maybe He won't answer your prayers" people have tried to bring me down, but I keep standing my ground. What is impossible with men is possible with God.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#65
I'm not sure why a daily prayer book would make her feel I'm trying to correct her. I have decided to not come to her while she is in her office. I'm going to show up before she gets off work and leave the gifts on her car. That way she isn't embarrassed by me coming to her office or anything. I will give her time to digest everything I've given to her and then I will text her and ask if it is okay if I sit with her at church that evening. If she says no, then I'll give her space. Then I will text her Saturday and ask if it is okay if I sit with her at church. I will continue to give her space, but at the same time letting her know I'm interested without stalking or being obsessive.

I pray and read the Bible everyday. I wish He would tell me very clearly what to do lol. I believe the idea for the gifts came from Him as I hadn't even considered it until like two days ago and then it seemed so clear to me.

I do listen to what people are telling me. I have been very open to listening to people's input and revamping my ideas to what seems right.
I’m just saying how I would see it; I hate feeling like someone is trying to control me and a prayer book could kinda say, “ You need to pray and change” and this seems a very sensitive situation...
Lol if you keep asking her is that giving her space? I dunno... it’s really between you and the Lord.
Those who are led by the spirit of God they are the Sons of God.
I have heard from the Lord when I have asked Him to show me if there is anything at all hindering my relationship with Him... and when He showed me I had to ask Him to help me, and He did😅I was heart-broken but by the end of it I was free😊🦋
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#66
I'm not sure why a daily prayer book would make her feel I'm trying to correct her. I have decided to not come to her while she is in her office. I'm going to show up before she gets off work and leave the gifts on her car. That way she isn't embarrassed by me coming to her office or anything. I will give her time to digest everything I've given to her and then I will text her and ask if it is okay if I sit with her at church that evening. If she says no, then I'll give her space. Then I will text her Saturday and ask if it is okay if I sit with her at church. I will continue to give her space, but at the same time letting her know I'm interested without stalking or being obsessive.

I pray and read the Bible everyday. I wish He would tell me very clearly what to do lol. I believe the idea for the gifts came from Him as I hadn't even considered it until like two days ago and then it seemed so clear to me.

I do listen to what people are telling me. I have been very open to listening to people's input and revamping my ideas to what seems right.
I see that you are listening to people who care and are offering advice. I’m sorry if you think I was suggesting otherwise 🙂I just want to help you guys...
 

bluewriter

Junior Member
Mar 14, 2016
78
32
18
#67
Lol if you keep asking her is that giving her space? I dunno... it’s really between you and the Lord.
It's because women are so fickle. If I say nothing she'll think I don't care, if I say too much she'll think I'm trying to control her. I must say something, but I also must give her space. It's always gotta be difficult ya know.
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#68
It's because women are so fickle. If I say nothing she'll think I don't care, if I say too much she'll think I'm trying to control her. I must say something, but I also must give her space. It's always gotta be difficult ya know.
LOL...that's why Paul said "you will have trouble in the flesh...but I would spare you"....but no one wants to believe Paul.. :)
 

bluewriter

Junior Member
Mar 14, 2016
78
32
18
#69
LOL...that's why Paul said "you will have trouble in the flesh...but I would spare you"....but no one wants to believe Paul.. :)
Haha! I can't constrain myself, so I need to be married.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#70
It's because women are so fickle. If I say nothing she'll think I don't care, if I say too much she'll think I'm trying to control her. I must say something, but I also must give her space. It's always gotta be difficult ya know.
That’s why you need to know God’s leading because only He knows her heart...
 

bluewriter

Junior Member
Mar 14, 2016
78
32
18
#72
That’s why you need to know God’s leading because only He knows her heart...
O if only God simply told men how to act right towards women every time, I wouldn't be in this situation.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#74
O if only God simply told men how to act right towards women every time, I wouldn't be in this situation.
Seek Him with your whole heart; ask Him what is He trying to show you... sorry I know it’s hard to hear; but I have felt frustrated many times and wanted God to just answer; and yet I see His ways are far higher than mine. We humans are very short sighted; it reminds me of the donkey who protected his rider from harm and was getting beaten for doing so because Balaam didn’t realise what was really going on.
There’s some hindrance here, the only answer is to seek God and be prepared for Him to show you anything at all... we all have these times but it is always well worth it in the end; it’s through such suffering that we get refined...
 

bluewriter

Junior Member
Mar 14, 2016
78
32
18
#75
Thank you everyone for your support. It's dead and over. I tried to meet her after work and she called the police and had me arrested. I spent the night in jail and that was it for me. I can't even get into how hard that was for me to accept losing my wife and stepsons forever.

I can no longer ask God for anything in prayer. It's just a waste of time. I can no longer expect a blessing from doing good - it won't happen. I can no longer trust God to honor my tithes because He hasn't. He is free to rain down blessings on my head and I'm good with that - but I'm not going to waste my time believing He will.
 

Prycejosh1987

Active member
Jul 19, 2020
955
165
43
#76
My wife left me 92 days ago and hasn't spoken to me since. I've went through a huge amount of trials including her getting an order of protection against me for throwing her phone during an argument (literally all I did - I've never hit or hurt her or her kids.) I cannot speak to her for another 18 days and she refuses to speak to me. She filed for divorce on July 1st.
Sorry to hear that, i guess your marriage had underlying issues that were not resolved. You can still make it work, ask her what she wants from you, try marriage counselling/therapy, etc Its negativity telling her you don't love her and to call it quits. Work on what you can do which grab her confidence and work from there.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#77
Thank you everyone for your support. It's dead and over. I tried to meet her after work and she called the police and had me arrested. I spent the night in jail and that was it for me. I can't even get into how hard that was for me to accept losing my wife and stepsons forever.

I can no longer ask God for anything in prayer. It's just a waste of time. I can no longer expect a blessing from doing good - it won't happen. I can no longer trust God to honor my tithes because He hasn't. He is free to rain down blessings on my head and I'm good with that - but I'm not going to waste my time believing He will.
Bro your understanding is flawed....
unless she commits adultery it is not dead and over. The fact that things did not go how you wanted or expected means nothing; relinquish control to God; this is trusting Him.
We can't always expect a blessing from doing good; its not always as simple as that. We suffer wrongfully, the Bible says, and this pleases God.
Don't expect blessings for doing good or tithing etc; just be faithful to Him because that is what He requires. Remember Job said," Though He shay me I will curse Him not," and also ," When I have been refined I will come forth as gold." We live for Him and His glory, we keep trusting even when we don't understand, even when it's hard, for this is when He is at work the most in our character; remember what Jesus said about being pruned to bring forth more fruit....this is the narrow way it's hard, that's why few are on it, but He is well worth it and He is worth more to you than your wife, stepsons or anyone else and don't think you have definitely list them as this is a crushing thought which is not necessarily true. If you belong to God then trust it all to Him even now. He is able to do abundantly and exceedingly more than we ask or think and if He doesn't do it when we want or even what we want, well He works all for the good of those who love Him and it will be worth it in the end.
We aren't in this for blessing, we are in this because we love Him and He is worthy.
It may take a long time for this to work out. Get in the Word every day. Start by looking up verses about suffering, affliction, troubles, God's faithfulness... build up your most holy faith....keep leaning on the everlasting arms and on His people.
Psalm 43 verse 5 X
 

Billyd

Senior Member
May 8, 2014
4,158
878
113
#78
Thank you everyone for your support. It's dead and over. I tried to meet her after work and she called the police and had me arrested. I spent the night in jail and that was it for me. I can't even get into how hard that was for me to accept losing my wife and stepsons forever.

I can no longer ask God for anything in prayer. It's just a waste of time. I can no longer expect a blessing from doing good - it won't happen. I can no longer trust God to honor my tithes because He hasn't. He is free to rain down blessings on my head and I'm good with that - but I'm not going to waste my time believing He will.
Any further action toward her will be considered stalking. God is telling you to move on. Listen to him or you could find yourself spending a long time in prison.

Pray to God to guide you to the new life that he has for you. He does have one for you.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#79
Any further action toward her will be considered stalking. God is telling you to move on. Listen to him or you could find yourself spending a long time in prison.

Pray to God to guide you to the new life that he has for you. He does have one for you.
This would be adultery.
Serious words of unbiblical advice. You ought to repent before Him.

No-one is suggesting this man should pursue his wife at this time; only that he waits on the Lord. God is NOT telling this man to move on; since when have you been God's mouth-piece...
 

Billyd

Senior Member
May 8, 2014
4,158
878
113
#80
This would be adultery.
Serious words of unbiblical advice. You ought to repent before Him.

No-one is suggesting this man should pursue his wife at this time; only that he waits on the Lord. God is NOT telling this man to move on; since when have you been God's mouth-piece...
I have prayed on this thread from the beginning. When I started to see the signs of stalking, I prayed harder. I even cautioned him. Today I know that my advice to him is from God.

I'm sorry that I offended you. I think those of you who are encouraging him to chase after her, aren't listening to what God is telling you and him.

I think you need to look at this relationship for what it is. He is stalking his ex. This activity usually ends up in tragedy.

She is an unbeliever. He doesn't commit adultery when she leaves.

I believe that the scripture addresses his situation as being unequally yoked. If she desires to leave him, and she has, he is to let her go.

Again I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else.