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Dec 19, 2017
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My husband and I are happy…some of the time. Maybe 40% of the time. Some times I’m everything to him, he bends over backwards for me, cooks cleans even kisses my forehead and sings me sappy love songs…and then I’ll do something or say something and then he flips. I’m garbage, I’m stupid, I’m lazy, I’m a horrible mother etc. Sometimes he’ll just look at me and say “ sometimes I want to hit you , but like really really hurt you. Break you.” And sometimes he does hit me…usually he will just start kicking me- especially if I do something in public that sets him off because people don’t really notice it - and it’s not too often he punches me but a few times I have gotten him so mad that he has. Especially if I turn him down for sex. But with the way he talks to me, the way he makes me feel I don’t want to but he says I have to that as his wife I owe it to him. He paid for it by paying for our marriage license and our wedding rings. That’s why he got married so he could have sex when ever he wanted...however he wants despite me saying no. I’m to the point that I’m scared to say no because I don’t want him to hit me and it hurts so much more when I resist it then if I just let him. We have a child and he is mostly a good dad except he can spoil her to much and let’s her get away with a lot saying “she’s a baby she doesn’t know any better” etc. But then his temper can flare with her too if she doesn’t listen in a store or acts up in church but no where like how he treats me. But he won’t let me discipline her. If I tell her no, spank her bottom or set any type of rules he tells her don’t listen to me and has her hit me back. He tells her “don’t listen to her she’s just garbage. You know she doesn’t love you.” Sometimes I literally just sit on the floor and cry because my daughter is kicking me yelling at me, my husband is yelling at me kicking me. I’m so done. I’m so depressed I’ve gained 30 pounds which he constantly brings up. I’ve tried going to therapy but after 3 sessions he started fighting with me about it because he had to sit with our 2y.o and it was a waste of gas and depression is just made up anyway. I tried talking with the elders but divorce is only an option on the grounds of sexual immorality and besides I have no family, no friends, no way of supporting myself…I feel so lost alone and belittled. I have nothing left. i became a Christian after we got married and he goes every once in a while and picks and chooses what he will follow such as the headship arrangement. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
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#2
Your big mistake was putting yourself in a situation that so many women on this forum have also done, your totally dependent on a man for your existence. Being a woman who can't support herself has put you between a rock and a hard place, and I'm sure that your abusive husband knows that. I'd advise every young lady to develop job skills, become a nurse or something where there's high demand for help, then get married and pregnant. Having an employable skill will prevent any possible future victimization, because you'll always have a viable exit plan to escape a rocky relationship. And more importantly, get to know a person prior to marriage, a man with a hot temper is generally noticeable pre-marriage?

That said, why are you going for therapy? To learn how to be a better punching bag? That idiot with the explosive temper needs therapy! I'd tell him flat-out that the next time he lays a hand on you, that your calling the police and pressing charges, and then your taking your 2 year old to a shelter for abused women and filing for divorce. It might be tough, but you need to step up for your daughters sake. Start looking into getting assistance in finding a place with affordable rent, and start looking for a part or full time job. Assuming you get alimony/child support, you can make it. If the "elders" have a problem with divorce, ask them if its okay for husbands to hit their wives and turn children against their mothers? "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Ephesians 5:25).. jmo
 

chinaandback

Junior Member
Nov 28, 2017
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Oh honey, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You DO NOT deserve to be treated this way!

Please read this: My Husband Is Physically Abusive | Focus on the Family This is very important.

There are suggestions in this article to get you some help. There are people who want to help you out of this. I am going to pray for you.