I think "you have your head on right." I think you should: 1. Write down all the things he does not comprehend (like not helping with the bills ...), 2. Make sure it is clear (not coarse) but teaching him the things he does not know, cannot see, the awakening reasons for him to do or not do what ever it is he does. 3. Meet with him to tell him you want to work things out, that you wrote the things he needs to learn and change by. 4. If he accepts the offer to read them and work on them then good. If not then I can only say if he is really too much to bear then break it off because he would be taking you down which is the reason to separate; that kind of depression would be abuse. It might take him decades to see the light. Women are comprehensive, smarter than men; women can see the who picture. Men are good at analyzing the parts. There is a call for women to teach their men.
Pregnant & recently single-heartbroken need men’s perspective
- Thread starter neverhopeless911
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I agree with many people who have posted.
First, you need to start looking after your own spiritual walk with God. You said your boyfriend is immature, but so are you. I'm not talking about your age. People can be immature at 90. I'm talking about your ethics and approach to marriage. But you seem to have some areas where you are mature, like being wise with your money, and putting your children first, at their young age. So you have a good start!!
Do you read the Bible daily? I know you don't, or you would not be living with a man you are not married to. I am not trying to be harsh, or judge you. If you can compare the Bible to the way you are living, you will find your life style is the complete opposite of what the Bible says.
"If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married." 1 Corinthians 7:36
This passage shows God's plan for marriage. The virgin marries and becomes a wife. In some cases, the man might be overcome by his passions, so, he needs to marry sooner rather than later.
How should a husband treat his wife? This is one example:
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—" Ephesians 5:25-29
Does your boyfriend do this for you? Treat you as Christ loves the church? It doesn't sound like it. Your posts reveal a very selfish narcissist, who is a murderer in his heart. I am so glad you didn't abort your children. You can hold your head up high, for not committing that heinous sin.
You seem to be codependent. That means as cruel as he is to you, you can't live without him. You may suffered from battered wife syndrome. (Partner!) Abuse doesn't have to be physical. You seem to be abused emotionally and spiritually, and maybe financially, since he is trying to get you to sell your house.
You are waiting for him to change. I know from the incredible way God saved me, that he could change your boyfriend into someone completely new and different. BUT, you are not married to him. And you should not be living with him. Change your locks, put in some bolts at each door. Get a restraining order. From what he sounds like, he is not going to change, unless God changes him. And maybe going to church reinforces some kind of inner guilt that he can feel clean from, by staying for a church service. He might be an alcoholic. He needs to make a commitment to stop drinking and join AA. If he won't do that, he is never going to change.
My personal opinion is you have to choices.
1. Marry him before you allow him to live with you.
2. Do not marry and do not sleep with him.
I know it is hard to believe that living with a man, even the father of your children, is very wrong, when the world tells you the opposite. Every movie and show, books and people you know seem to think it's ok, or even better, to live with someone before you marry them.
My daughter was studying psychology in University, and she took a course from a Catholic school attached to her secular university, on marriage and the family. There have been many studies to show that people who live together before marriage have less successful marriages and more divorces than people who wait for after marriage to consummate it. Partly, this is about the willingness to make a commitment not to be tempted by sex, on the part of both partners. Partly it is a sense of trust and a bond you make, without needing to try out sex before you marry the person.
I studied courses on abusive relationships, the dynamics and why they occur. You were right to finger his immaturity. But seriously, will he change? Or will his abuse escalate to physical violence towards you and your children. Things rarely resolve themselves without counselling.
You need to seriously think about your future if you go back to living with him, the way you were. He will not change. And why should he, he's already got the whole cow, and it cost him nothing! (Not meaning you are a "cow" just part of an old saying.)
A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Abuse Hides in Your Church! By Jeff Crippen to read, on abuse to women in churches. I hope you will read your Bible daily. Start in the New Testament in John, read one chapter. Plus 3 chapters a day of the Old Testament gets you through the Bible in a year. Learn what God expects for a marriage. Instead of what the world is doing!
First, you need to start looking after your own spiritual walk with God. You said your boyfriend is immature, but so are you. I'm not talking about your age. People can be immature at 90. I'm talking about your ethics and approach to marriage. But you seem to have some areas where you are mature, like being wise with your money, and putting your children first, at their young age. So you have a good start!!
Do you read the Bible daily? I know you don't, or you would not be living with a man you are not married to. I am not trying to be harsh, or judge you. If you can compare the Bible to the way you are living, you will find your life style is the complete opposite of what the Bible says.
"If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married." 1 Corinthians 7:36
This passage shows God's plan for marriage. The virgin marries and becomes a wife. In some cases, the man might be overcome by his passions, so, he needs to marry sooner rather than later.
How should a husband treat his wife? This is one example:
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—" Ephesians 5:25-29
Does your boyfriend do this for you? Treat you as Christ loves the church? It doesn't sound like it. Your posts reveal a very selfish narcissist, who is a murderer in his heart. I am so glad you didn't abort your children. You can hold your head up high, for not committing that heinous sin.
You seem to be codependent. That means as cruel as he is to you, you can't live without him. You may suffered from battered wife syndrome. (Partner!) Abuse doesn't have to be physical. You seem to be abused emotionally and spiritually, and maybe financially, since he is trying to get you to sell your house.
You are waiting for him to change. I know from the incredible way God saved me, that he could change your boyfriend into someone completely new and different. BUT, you are not married to him. And you should not be living with him. Change your locks, put in some bolts at each door. Get a restraining order. From what he sounds like, he is not going to change, unless God changes him. And maybe going to church reinforces some kind of inner guilt that he can feel clean from, by staying for a church service. He might be an alcoholic. He needs to make a commitment to stop drinking and join AA. If he won't do that, he is never going to change.
My personal opinion is you have to choices.
1. Marry him before you allow him to live with you.
2. Do not marry and do not sleep with him.
I know it is hard to believe that living with a man, even the father of your children, is very wrong, when the world tells you the opposite. Every movie and show, books and people you know seem to think it's ok, or even better, to live with someone before you marry them.
My daughter was studying psychology in University, and she took a course from a Catholic school attached to her secular university, on marriage and the family. There have been many studies to show that people who live together before marriage have less successful marriages and more divorces than people who wait for after marriage to consummate it. Partly, this is about the willingness to make a commitment not to be tempted by sex, on the part of both partners. Partly it is a sense of trust and a bond you make, without needing to try out sex before you marry the person.
I studied courses on abusive relationships, the dynamics and why they occur. You were right to finger his immaturity. But seriously, will he change? Or will his abuse escalate to physical violence towards you and your children. Things rarely resolve themselves without counselling.
You need to seriously think about your future if you go back to living with him, the way you were. He will not change. And why should he, he's already got the whole cow, and it cost him nothing! (Not meaning you are a "cow" just part of an old saying.)
A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Abuse Hides in Your Church! By Jeff Crippen to read, on abuse to women in churches. I hope you will read your Bible daily. Start in the New Testament in John, read one chapter. Plus 3 chapters a day of the Old Testament gets you through the Bible in a year. Learn what God expects for a marriage. Instead of what the world is doing!
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