Question for men
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all of us should be closer to the lord than we are any one else. i put God before myself, my wife and my son. none of us should pressure any one to talk about or open up, but rather, we should want people to seek a personal relationship with God. we cant save only the lord jesus can. if your husband has things bottled up in him encourage him to start a personal relationship with God and no one else about what bothers him. i have opened up to my wife much more by putting God first.
U
You're still making the same generalization. From my experience, guys are often pretty open, whereas the ones i see with the biggest communication issues and the ones most likely to keep things bottled up are women.
As i said, people are individuals, and granted there are some generalizations that can sometimes apply, doesn't mean there is always one easy answer for that. The reasons men (or women) don't share things can be varied. It may be personality type, may be the way they are raised to be, may be that they've been hurt for opening up, etc... so, as i stated in my previous post, there is no way to answer this question.
As i said, people are individuals, and granted there are some generalizations that can sometimes apply, doesn't mean there is always one easy answer for that. The reasons men (or women) don't share things can be varied. It may be personality type, may be the way they are raised to be, may be that they've been hurt for opening up, etc... so, as i stated in my previous post, there is no way to answer this question.
A
You are presupposing that talking about it will help him, that's the problem. You are projecting your need to open up about things onto him. Also consider this, when a women tells a story, she generally includes everything that happened, and how she felt about everything that happened. When a man tells a story, he generally includes only what happened. Even if you got him to tell you some horrific story you would probably never get him to talk about it how it made him feel. To us types that like to "bottle things up" nothing is worse than having someone close to us that cannot except it, and it's constantly and uselessly being made an issue.
N
This is not gender specific like one person pointed out. I'm very much this way and I'm a woman, not all of us (women) like to talk about our feelings.
Animus made a really good point, just because talking things out makes you feel better doesn't necessarily mean it will make someone else feel better.
I can get why your Grandfather won't talk about his experience in Vietnam, sometimes things are just too ugly to say. And the thing about words are once you say them you can't take them back. Also, talking to people the closest to you about feelings or bad experiences or situations can be even worse.
I'd be more likely to tell a stranger than my best friend. The strangers judgements or assumptions about me won't effect me because well.....there a stranger. My best friends though, that could potentially do some damage.
Feelings are uncomfortable, there meant to expose a person. Not everyone likes to put themselves out there. We all process and deal with things differently. People such as yourself process and deal with things by talking about them, while others of us deal by keeping it in and processing it by ourselves.
If a person says i don't want to talk about it, the most annoying thing you can do is pester him or her about it. You'll probably get farther keeping your mouth shut and just letting whoever tell you whatever whenever the person is comfortable.
Animus made a really good point, just because talking things out makes you feel better doesn't necessarily mean it will make someone else feel better.
I can get why your Grandfather won't talk about his experience in Vietnam, sometimes things are just too ugly to say. And the thing about words are once you say them you can't take them back. Also, talking to people the closest to you about feelings or bad experiences or situations can be even worse.
I'd be more likely to tell a stranger than my best friend. The strangers judgements or assumptions about me won't effect me because well.....there a stranger. My best friends though, that could potentially do some damage.
Feelings are uncomfortable, there meant to expose a person. Not everyone likes to put themselves out there. We all process and deal with things differently. People such as yourself process and deal with things by talking about them, while others of us deal by keeping it in and processing it by ourselves.
If a person says i don't want to talk about it, the most annoying thing you can do is pester him or her about it. You'll probably get farther keeping your mouth shut and just letting whoever tell you whatever whenever the person is comfortable.
Men don't process their feelings as quickly as women (or so I've heard from redigested psychology off of the radio.) You ask us how we feel about something, and we don't know how we feel. We feel kind of neutral a lot of the time. I think women have more distinct feelings they can point to. So if you want to talk to a guy about his feelings, it can be a difficult question because he doesn't really have any feelings that he can identify-- or not at the moment-- or else it seems like a silly girly question. If you are insistent, he may begin to identify the feeling of being irritated that you insist that he talk about his feelings. Sometimes a man is experiencing an emotion and can talk about it. Most of the time, I can't say I feel one way or another. I guess I can say I'm calm or something not too descriptive like that.
Talking about feelings sometimes feels like a meaningless exercise. You talked about your feelings. So what? What good did that do? Sometimes it can serve a useful purpose, if you are wanting to make a decision based on how something makes you feel, for example. But other times, what is the point of identifying your feelings? If you aren't depressed and things are going okay, why talk about feelings?
Sometimes if I've had a problem, I don't feel like talking about it. It doesn't feel like it will make it better to talk. Sleeping or doing something entertaining or working on something would feel more useful.
Talking about feelings sometimes feels like a meaningless exercise. You talked about your feelings. So what? What good did that do? Sometimes it can serve a useful purpose, if you are wanting to make a decision based on how something makes you feel, for example. But other times, what is the point of identifying your feelings? If you aren't depressed and things are going okay, why talk about feelings?
Sometimes if I've had a problem, I don't feel like talking about it. It doesn't feel like it will make it better to talk. Sleeping or doing something entertaining or working on something would feel more useful.
There are differences between men and women. It is not something as clear cut as saying "all men are ..." or "all women are..." But still there are definite differences. We have different biochemistry and our brains are different. Women have more connections between their right and left brain than men do, to mention one significant difference.
We both can bottle things up inside and not tell anyone, but it is likely to be different things. then there are the individual differences which are unrelated to gender.
I think it is common for men to have more difficulty being open about their feelings than women, yet there are men who have no problem speaking about feelings.
Sorry for not being able to give a helpful answer. This is a complex topic.
We both can bottle things up inside and not tell anyone, but it is likely to be different things. then there are the individual differences which are unrelated to gender.
I think it is common for men to have more difficulty being open about their feelings than women, yet there are men who have no problem speaking about feelings.
Sorry for not being able to give a helpful answer. This is a complex topic.
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There is no simple answer to what I keep inside.
Some times it's about shame, some times it's about fear, some times it's about not hurting someone I love.
I know very well that it may be the wrong decision, but when I don't know what the consequences will be, and I have reason to believe they will not be good, I will almost always choose the known over the unknown.
Let's say there is something from my childhood that I'm very ashamed of. In the past whenever people talked about that happening in others lives, they ridiculed the individuals involved.
You can bet that I will never talk about what happened to me, even though I know that I was an innocent victim, because past experience has taught me that no one will believe me.
Maybe you would believe me, but I can't take that chance. I WILL go with what I know, even though I also know that this memory is limiting me, perhaps even killing me.
Some times it's about shame, some times it's about fear, some times it's about not hurting someone I love.
I know very well that it may be the wrong decision, but when I don't know what the consequences will be, and I have reason to believe they will not be good, I will almost always choose the known over the unknown.
Let's say there is something from my childhood that I'm very ashamed of. In the past whenever people talked about that happening in others lives, they ridiculed the individuals involved.
You can bet that I will never talk about what happened to me, even though I know that I was an innocent victim, because past experience has taught me that no one will believe me.
Maybe you would believe me, but I can't take that chance. I WILL go with what I know, even though I also know that this memory is limiting me, perhaps even killing me.