-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
N
I didn't see where you and this girl have spoken about this. Not had arguments on the topics in question but talked about the fact that you disagree on some pretty serious subjects. Is she fully aware of how important this is to you? Is she understanding about that or does she say your being close minded, a prude, etc.? In your first post you said she fully supports other's opinions on these topics. Is that saying she agrees with them or supports the fact that other's opinions differ from her own and that's ok with her? I think you both need to have a real heart to heart, let her know how difficult this is for you and that your desire is to live for God first and you want a wife, someday, who feels the same way. See how she responds to this and you may just have your answer.
God bless you, it is a real joy to hear a young man putting God first, being concerned with how he lives his life. I am very impressed. This girl should consider herself extremely lucky and realize perhaps God put you in her life for a reason.
God bless you, it is a real joy to hear a young man putting God first, being concerned with how he lives his life. I am very impressed. This girl should consider herself extremely lucky and realize perhaps God put you in her life for a reason.
L
Just because you fell in love with her, it doesn't absolutely mean that she is the one that God has chosen for you. You have to stand firm on what you believe is right, and she has to do the same. Yes, it is devastating to lose someone you really love or thought you loved, but it is not worth losing yourself and straggling away from your ultimate goals. Sometimes in life, we think that we are in love when we are really in lust. We have to distinguish between these two, again she just may not be the one that you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with. The best advice I can give you is to pray on the situation and ask God to guide you in making a decision. Be Blessed and Good Luck!
When my husband and I first began dating, I had far more liberal views than he did. I was a Christian at the time, but my understanding of the Bible was limited. She may not have the same understanding of the Word as you do. You might try having regular bible study with the girl rather than just breaking up with her. I was very accepting of homosexuality until after I read through the Bible and saw for myself that the God views it as an abomination.
I suspect your girlfriend's ideas may change after further Bible study. You mentioned that you want to marry her. Well, as her husband you would be her priest, her spiritual leader. I recommend you take a little leadership. Attend bible study together. The two of you should take your disagreements on certain issues to the elders in your church so that you can get some clarity. If after studying the Word, she still chooses "her" way, well then you need think about whether it's a good idea to be unequally yoked in marriage. Also, remember what an earlier poster said about idols. That person made a good point.
One more thing, when you do bible study--have regular bible study. Don't approach bible study as if you are going to immediately change her mind. Be gentle, pray for her and allow the Word of God to do the work.
I suspect your girlfriend's ideas may change after further Bible study. You mentioned that you want to marry her. Well, as her husband you would be her priest, her spiritual leader. I recommend you take a little leadership. Attend bible study together. The two of you should take your disagreements on certain issues to the elders in your church so that you can get some clarity. If after studying the Word, she still chooses "her" way, well then you need think about whether it's a good idea to be unequally yoked in marriage. Also, remember what an earlier poster said about idols. That person made a good point.
One more thing, when you do bible study--have regular bible study. Don't approach bible study as if you are going to immediately change her mind. Be gentle, pray for her and allow the Word of God to do the work.
H
I would just like to correct something, 
yes it was me that wrote about being married to my precious husband for 29 years and yes, he is an un-believer BUT when i married him I was an unbeliever too. If i had been a self proclaimed bible believing Christian, who put God first, not myself, I would hope....I say hope (because i may have ignored what the `bible tells me and how God warns us about being in an 'un- equal relationship' ) i would not have married him. How could I have shared a life with a man who thought what I believed to be the meaning of life itself was a load of rubbish, myths and fairy stories? how on earth would it work when we did not share the same views on the Bible and it's very meaning and source? I would have been given good advice by Christian mentors in my church i would hope. Marrying someone who does not share your values and core beliefs is a recipe for disaster...how can you have a shared relationship? my situation is very different. Its where I am and I am not complaining, I was married for years before I was saved and it is only by the grace of God my marriage has survived and thrived...against the odds i may add! so no, if this relationship is already causing grief, the kindest thing is to break it off now. Saying you are a Christian...does not mean you are one. Sounds like you know what road you are going to go down. No one says it will be easy, but you will be blessed by putting God first. God Bless you, <><
yes it was me that wrote about being married to my precious husband for 29 years and yes, he is an un-believer BUT when i married him I was an unbeliever too. If i had been a self proclaimed bible believing Christian, who put God first, not myself, I would hope....I say hope (because i may have ignored what the `bible tells me and how God warns us about being in an 'un- equal relationship' ) i would not have married him. How could I have shared a life with a man who thought what I believed to be the meaning of life itself was a load of rubbish, myths and fairy stories? how on earth would it work when we did not share the same views on the Bible and it's very meaning and source? I would have been given good advice by Christian mentors in my church i would hope. Marrying someone who does not share your values and core beliefs is a recipe for disaster...how can you have a shared relationship? my situation is very different. Its where I am and I am not complaining, I was married for years before I was saved and it is only by the grace of God my marriage has survived and thrived...against the odds i may add! so no, if this relationship is already causing grief, the kindest thing is to break it off now. Saying you are a Christian...does not mean you are one. Sounds like you know what road you are going to go down. No one says it will be easy, but you will be blessed by putting God first. God Bless you, <><
S
QUOTE=Outsider;996339]Read this before you make a bad decision!
The best advice I can give you, do NOT listen to BARLYGURL. Ever.
It's okay to have differing opinions than your spouse! Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. She sounds like an amazing woman, and it breaks my heart hearing that you might lose the person you love, a wonderful person at that. So you disagree about things such as homosexuality? You shouldn't be so stubborn to let such a minor opinion get in the way of what's important. If you're willing to break up with this amazing girl because she disagrees with you about things such as homosexuality and atheism, you're going to have a very hard time finding any woman you'll be happy with.
One woman on these forums talked about how her husband is an atheist.
http://christianchat.com/christian-family-forum/58838-living-unbeilevers.html
If you honestly believe this, break up with her. If the fact she's tolerant of other people bugs you so much, it's best you both break up - for her sake, not yours. But I'm telling you, if you can throw aside your pettiness and stubbornness and learn a thing or two from your wife, you'll be a much happier person.
I may be biased, because it sounds like your girlfriend is too good for you, not the other way around.[/QUOTE]
They are not disagreeing about china patterns or what type of car to get they are disagreeing on a spiritual level. Outsider as a non believer your advice is both ungodly and wrong by Christian standards. Why would you advise a devout Christian with non-christian ideals. BarlyGurl's opinion on this matter is correct. It seems to me that you have a viper's tongue and are more than happy to lead Godly people astray to pump your own set of ideals. Despite what you say in your welcome post. What was that non-coersion principle you were talking about??? You can not advise people that live by the Book if you do not live by the Book it just rings hollow. Sorry about the bluntness but if your going to call people out I have a duty to respond.
God Bless
The best advice I can give you, do NOT listen to BARLYGURL. Ever.
It's okay to have differing opinions than your spouse! Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. She sounds like an amazing woman, and it breaks my heart hearing that you might lose the person you love, a wonderful person at that. So you disagree about things such as homosexuality? You shouldn't be so stubborn to let such a minor opinion get in the way of what's important. If you're willing to break up with this amazing girl because she disagrees with you about things such as homosexuality and atheism, you're going to have a very hard time finding any woman you'll be happy with.
One woman on these forums talked about how her husband is an atheist.
http://christianchat.com/christian-family-forum/58838-living-unbeilevers.html
If you honestly believe this, break up with her. If the fact she's tolerant of other people bugs you so much, it's best you both break up - for her sake, not yours. But I'm telling you, if you can throw aside your pettiness and stubbornness and learn a thing or two from your wife, you'll be a much happier person.
I may be biased, because it sounds like your girlfriend is too good for you, not the other way around.[/QUOTE]
They are not disagreeing about china patterns or what type of car to get they are disagreeing on a spiritual level. Outsider as a non believer your advice is both ungodly and wrong by Christian standards. Why would you advise a devout Christian with non-christian ideals. BarlyGurl's opinion on this matter is correct. It seems to me that you have a viper's tongue and are more than happy to lead Godly people astray to pump your own set of ideals. Despite what you say in your welcome post. What was that non-coersion principle you were talking about??? You can not advise people that live by the Book if you do not live by the Book it just rings hollow. Sorry about the bluntness but if your going to call people out I have a duty to respond.
God Bless
I never used coercion, so it's okay. And yes, go ahead and call me out.
If OP can't live with the differences between him and his girlfriend, he should break up with her. However, I honestly believe he'll be much, much, happier if he just accepts their differences.
Would OP rather hold onto the girl he loves, or would he rather give her up because she doesn't hold the same views as him when it comes to atheists and homosexuality?
11 months without any problems. As soon as he gets into, what I'll assume to be, his first argument, he already questions whether they should break up. I understand the argument was about something that was important to him, but he's really not taking much time to put thought into his relationship.
Again, is it worth throwing away someone you love dearly because they don't hold your exact same beliefs? OP could easily say, "I completely disagree with you, but we can make this work." I just feel like his gf could offer so much, it would be worth the compromise.
You're right that religion doesn't actually mean anything to me, so it's an easy answer for me - go for the girl! But even if I still believed in God, I would definitely suggest he weigh out his options very, very, carefully.
If OP can't live with the differences between him and his girlfriend, he should break up with her. However, I honestly believe he'll be much, much, happier if he just accepts their differences.
Would OP rather hold onto the girl he loves, or would he rather give her up because she doesn't hold the same views as him when it comes to atheists and homosexuality?
11 months without any problems. As soon as he gets into, what I'll assume to be, his first argument, he already questions whether they should break up. I understand the argument was about something that was important to him, but he's really not taking much time to put thought into his relationship.
Again, is it worth throwing away someone you love dearly because they don't hold your exact same beliefs? OP could easily say, "I completely disagree with you, but we can make this work." I just feel like his gf could offer so much, it would be worth the compromise.
You're right that religion doesn't actually mean anything to me, so it's an easy answer for me - go for the girl! But even if I still believed in God, I would definitely suggest he weigh out his options very, very, carefully.
You can't follow God with one area of your life by disobeying him with another. People are full of good intentions, but it's been said that the path to hell is paved with good intentions. Do what you know God would require of you, and everything else will work out. God judges the heart, and he will guide you if your heart remains with him.
That said, having similar beliefs is very important in any relationship. I remember talking to a girl once who was constantly using God's name in vain, and I think she swore a couple times or something. She was supposed to be a Christian, but I just wasn't feeling that she was. So I just casually told her about my opinions on homosexuality, abortion, alcohol, etc. and kept a smile on my face. I didn't insult anyone, and I don't believe I even made accusations toward people - only toward belief systems. But she was like, "Oh my G-D, I don't think we should talk any more. This isn't going to work out." So I was happy to let her leave.
P.S. I've met plenty of women in my life who I "couldn't live without." And I'm sure that in the future I'll meet one in particular I really can't live without.
That said, having similar beliefs is very important in any relationship. I remember talking to a girl once who was constantly using God's name in vain, and I think she swore a couple times or something. She was supposed to be a Christian, but I just wasn't feeling that she was. So I just casually told her about my opinions on homosexuality, abortion, alcohol, etc. and kept a smile on my face. I didn't insult anyone, and I don't believe I even made accusations toward people - only toward belief systems. But she was like, "Oh my G-D, I don't think we should talk any more. This isn't going to work out." So I was happy to let her leave.
P.S. I've met plenty of women in my life who I "couldn't live without." And I'm sure that in the future I'll meet one in particular I really can't live without.
Last edited:
Thank you very much! You're the third response and all three have meant and told me alot about my situation!!
I already am feeling the heartache, because I feel God has shown what I really need to be doing. It saddens me exceedingly that this is the path that I've come across, but I know God will lead me through it the entire way. I thank you so much, for I believe this third reply broke through to me.
You're awesome.
I already am feeling the heartache, because I feel God has shown what I really need to be doing. It saddens me exceedingly that this is the path that I've come across, but I know God will lead me through it the entire way. I thank you so much, for I believe this third reply broke through to me.
You're awesome.
D
I don't think it's wrong to love someone who has her views. And I'm not making any judgment about her views. But I think the issue at hand is compatibility as husband and wife. Two people sharing very opposing views on important matters would find a relationship very hard to maintain.
I didn't get to know my wife that well before we got married. Later, I found out we have very different beliefs. It's made our marriage much more difficult. But we intend to stay together. However, as others have advised, I wouldn't recommend anyone marry someone with very different beliefs. It just makes life a lot more difficult.
I didn't get to know my wife that well before we got married. Later, I found out we have very different beliefs. It's made our marriage much more difficult. But we intend to stay together. However, as others have advised, I wouldn't recommend anyone marry someone with very different beliefs. It just makes life a lot more difficult.
L
Great First Step of Honesty--Asking for Help. I admire your maturity concerning this point. The following suggestions may help you see things more clearly concerning your position in this matter:
I Cor. 10:23 (kjv)
All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.
Emphasis on “expedient”
ex•pe•di•ent
adj.
1. Appropriate to a purpose.
2.
a. Serving to promote one's interest: was merciful only when mercy was expedient.
b. Based on or marked by a concern for self-interest rather than principle; self-interested.
[the free dictionary]
Galatians 5:22; 24-26;
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
The scripture speaks alone. If Christians find themselves lacking any "Spiritual Fruit" in their basket (character) concerning any of these scriptures, begin by judging "the Christian in the mirror" not others. When an individual's behavior do not line up with these scriptures, those Christians must change and apply them to all they meet and especially towards those that they proclaim to “Be Madly in Love” with.
Christian Preachers, Sunday School Teachers, Evangelists, sometimes forget that they are human and make mistakes. A good old fashion "I am sorry for being wrong and hurting your feelings" or "please forgive me" and some flowers might resolve issues.
James 5:16 - Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. (kjv)
Thank you and everyone for allowing me to participate in this forum.
Respectfully submitted
Living Epistle
I Cor. 10:23 (kjv)
All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.
Emphasis on “expedient”
ex•pe•di•ent
adj.
1. Appropriate to a purpose.
2.
a. Serving to promote one's interest: was merciful only when mercy was expedient.
b. Based on or marked by a concern for self-interest rather than principle; self-interested.
[the free dictionary]
Galatians 5:22; 24-26;
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
The scripture speaks alone. If Christians find themselves lacking any "Spiritual Fruit" in their basket (character) concerning any of these scriptures, begin by judging "the Christian in the mirror" not others. When an individual's behavior do not line up with these scriptures, those Christians must change and apply them to all they meet and especially towards those that they proclaim to “Be Madly in Love” with.
Christian Preachers, Sunday School Teachers, Evangelists, sometimes forget that they are human and make mistakes. A good old fashion "I am sorry for being wrong and hurting your feelings" or "please forgive me" and some flowers might resolve issues.
James 5:16 - Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. (kjv)
Thank you and everyone for allowing me to participate in this forum.
Respectfully submitted
Living Epistle
M
OP here,
Just saying, but the problem is resolved now.
I just spent an hour on the phone with my girlfriend explaining how I felt and my feelings about prioritizing my relationship with God and that being with her just discouraged my Christian side and led me away from my religious goals. We both were heartbroken as I explained and discussed it with her, but I got her to understand where I was coming from, and we are still very good friends.
We agreed that since we both do care strongly for each other, she is going to reconsider her religious goals and motivations and we're going to see if we match up better as a Christian couple in the near or later future.
As for me, I am going to focus on my own walk with God and try to study the Bible and become a better Christian. If my (now ex) girlfriend is who God wants me to be with, God will place her back in front of me and in my life for me to date. I thank those of you who really tried to help, most of you did. And I greatly thank you for it!!
But to the few here arguing over certain points and ideas, you can go argue somewhere else...
Just saying, but the problem is resolved now.
I just spent an hour on the phone with my girlfriend explaining how I felt and my feelings about prioritizing my relationship with God and that being with her just discouraged my Christian side and led me away from my religious goals. We both were heartbroken as I explained and discussed it with her, but I got her to understand where I was coming from, and we are still very good friends.
We agreed that since we both do care strongly for each other, she is going to reconsider her religious goals and motivations and we're going to see if we match up better as a Christian couple in the near or later future.
As for me, I am going to focus on my own walk with God and try to study the Bible and become a better Christian. If my (now ex) girlfriend is who God wants me to be with, God will place her back in front of me and in my life for me to date. I thank those of you who really tried to help, most of you did. And I greatly thank you for it!!
But to the few here arguing over certain points and ideas, you can go argue somewhere else...
D
The hardest things in life will hurt for they shape us into what we will be.
The fact that you choosed God, saw the error, and exposed it has already started shaping you into the man that God wants you to be (He is above everything in your life). This is a good example you have set for those that doubt their choices between God's will and our own.
God Bless and patience as your +1 is out therez!
The fact that you choosed God, saw the error, and exposed it has already started shaping you into the man that God wants you to be (He is above everything in your life). This is a good example you have set for those that doubt their choices between God's will and our own.
God Bless and patience as your +1 is out therez!
U
You come to a CHRISTIAN site as an Atheist. A place where people come to get Christian advice, and then you encourage people to Go Against the Christian advice they are receiving. I find this an unacceptable behavior. Its quite disrespectful to the essence of this site, and to the one seeking advice.
This is why so many non-Christians get banned off this site. They either spend their time trying to disprove God, or discourage people from following Christian advice.
This is why so many non-Christians get banned off this site. They either spend their time trying to disprove God, or discourage people from following Christian advice.
U
I'm glad to hear you moved forward with this, even as tough as it is. But i want to caution you about setting boundaries on a girlfriend, and then her suddenly become willing to change, or consider changing. The highest likelihood is one of two things will happen.
1: She will change so you won't break up. But it won't be sincere, and eventually the truth of how she feels will come out again.
2: She says she will change, but then, over time, loses interest in you, or the effort of change just to be with you.
Hopefully you can keep your focus right, as you plan on. But i know how people are, and there is that part of you that is 'hoping and waiting' for her to come back to you. As point 2 says, use caution in this hope.
1: She will change so you won't break up. But it won't be sincere, and eventually the truth of how she feels will come out again.
2: She says she will change, but then, over time, loses interest in you, or the effort of change just to be with you.
Hopefully you can keep your focus right, as you plan on. But i know how people are, and there is that part of you that is 'hoping and waiting' for her to come back to you. As point 2 says, use caution in this hope.
S
I usually don't read forums. But I figured Iwould read yours. I have to say Im 24 so im not sure if your looking for someone older , but I would give you some advice. First of all I understand how it must feel to be in love with someone, that its hard to break it off. The reason I say this is because of my ex, I was with him for about two years, not too long but long enought to get attach to people. I get attached to people to easily whic his kinda bad, since well its not right to hang around bad influnces. But to my point, my ex was verbally and pysical abusive. nd eve n know I knew in my heart that i couldnt leave, I had too i took it for seventh months bc kinda like you i couldnt bear to break it off. Ieven left once and went back . Not smart because he didnt change. But i wanted so badly to be with him and kept praying and telling y self he would change. I fianlly came to my senses and realized whats best for me. I had to leave i cried went in a deep depression so bad my mom about had to put me somewhere, But i Made it through. My poit of this tory is you say you cant leave youll go in depression and such , bUt I believe If i can overcome that you can break it off if need be. I t will be hard but maybe God is testing you to see where your heart really lies ? what means more a girl or his truth? I have to say there good ending to my story Im now married he respects me and he is the most christian person I have met. So I had to go throug hthe bad to get the Good. SO even know you say your in love wtih her , well if you break it off, I msure you will meet other girls your still young and have your whole life ahead. When i was with my ex I tuly thought the same. I als o had a gay friend i no longer talk too. That really hurt almost or if not more than my ex I knew him for about 5 years. But we drifted apart. whe nhe moved away my junior year, I cried and thought my worls was ending he truley was my Best friend! But I got over it. I moved on I knew God didnt want me to assocaite agree with his life style. Iroinc thing is he us to be christian which really hurt his dad was a pastor. I asked why? but then again Ihad to let it go. He the one who got me in to Christian music. It really trgic i lost two very close people to me even know they werent right for me. Bu my point to all is is if you break it off im sure you wont regret, just somethingbetter will happen. Hoped I helped some. Feel free to ask me questions. sorry so long.