separated and hurting

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hopefulmom42

Guest
#1
#1
Been married for 10 years, have 2 adorable kids (4 and 6) and currently separated. My husband is in the Philippines with the kids while I'm back in the states 3 months ago. We used to live here but so much instability with his career made us to start a business in my country. I left during the time when he wanted a divorce and the days that followed where constant argument and verbal abuse. I can't live like that especially with the kids around so I prayed to God to lead me to his will. I was able to get my job back so i left my family temporarily with the hope that the separation will bring peace and healing in our troubled marriage. I was hopeful, we have our ups and downs but last week he told me he refused counselling and wanted a divorce in a year as soon as the business kicks off. He said we are not compatible and its not gonna change. It hurts. I am thinking about my kids and their future after divorce yet that was out of the question for him. I think that he is going through mid life crisis with depression and refuse help. I am not perfect but I am willing to work it out and change. He doesn't want to give me a chance. I am financially getting settled with my old job, have friends and family here. I am going home soon to visit the kids and discuss what needs to be done when school is over. He's staying there so either he will have the kids or I will bring the kids with me in the US. It will be very hard on them because they are so young and they think that mommy and daddy still together. I still love my husband but what can I do when he wants out. BTW, I am a christian and he is not, although he has been a wonderful husband and father the past 10 years. Right now, I dont know him anymore, he has changed, depression changed him. I don't know what to do at this time. I can't fix him nor i can't force him to be in a family that he doesn't want to be part of. Its really hard to move on when you still love the person and you have young children. It breaks my heart everyday. I appreciate everyone's advice. Thanks
 
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Stephen

Guest
#2
#2
hopefulmom42, I am so sorry to hear of your family situation. I too have a spouse that doesn't seem to want to stay together and our children are 4 and 6. So, I will share with you what I believe Gods word says about the issue of divorce. DONT! When I read HIS word He says do not divorce even if the other is an unbeliever. The one exception is adultery and even then I would say to try to work it out. And so for those of us who are willing to work it out with a spouse who seems determined to divorce I say be the best spouse you can be and then some. Use this time to grow in the faith and knowledge of Christ. Pray your husband sees His Glory in you and surrenders all to HIM. It is difficult, I know, but like you said we cannot control them. We can control ourselves.
Especially since we have little ones involved we need to know that if the other does divorce we did everything possible to avoid it. It will impact the lives of those children forever and they will have questions later so we better be able say we were listening to God and divorce is not His will and we did all we could.
I am praying for you and your family.
 
RickShafer

RickShafer

Banned
#3
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
58
0
#3
Separation is never good.
I hate to see it. I'm sorry.
This situation has no quick fixes via advice.
I just hate to see it.
What do you want? - To stay here in america or stay with him?
Do you want the kids? Or do you want the kids with him?
Does it matter where your job is?
Can God through Jesus Christ change things?
(I know He can)
What do you want?
Prayer changes things.
Prayer changes things.
I hate to be flippant, because I'm not when I say,
prayer changes things.
 
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cctmedic

Guest
#4
#4
My Heart Breaks for you. I understand the pain of seperation and divorce. The pain seems almost unbearable most of the time and can consume you if you allow it to. I admire your courage to reach out and seek guidance.

You will hear a lot of different views, from well meaning people. They will even try to guide you theologically. The Spirit will guide you let Him.

I too am facing my first Holiday as a divorced man, it stinks, It is not of my choice nor anything I could have prevented, but it still hurts.

Know that you are not alone and I for one will lift you up in prayer.

It is my prayer that you and your spouse wil pull together and make ti work, I dont know the circumstances , nor do zi need to, However I do know God is Glorified and blesses restoration.

God Bless You and your family
 
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hopefulmom42

Guest
#5
#5
Of course, I want to stay married and be with my kids. But when I ask him if he wants me to go home for good, he said he doesn't care. He doesn't care either if I take the kids back to America. He wants to stay in the Philippines. He told me that its all about him and the business now, the rest of us are secondary. Clearly, he doesn't want to fix the marriage and be in a relationship with me.

The irony is, i am supporting him financially, his business, his expenses, etc. because the kids are with him. Without my financial help, he won't be able to continue on with his business. He thinks me being here will be better for us financially but i can't be away with the kids that long.

Anyway, I'm going home in 2 weeks and we will discuss. I need prayers as to what God wants for us. If I go home and wont come back, i'm going to lose my good paying job which gave me a chance to be independent. But how can you live with someone who doesn't want to be around you? But If I go back here and take the kids with me then, that's probably the end of our marriage. I'm so confused right now. But 1 thing i know is that kids are my top priority.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
You should know, that abusers, whether verbal, physical, mental, emotional, etc .. have a very low rate of change. Chances are if he abuses he will not stop. Doesn't matter how hard you try to be a 'good wife' and how much you go out of you way to keep him from being angry. They will always find a reason. Though it may be difficult, in reality, the best thing to do with an abuser is get away and stay away. Otherwise you will spend the rest of your life abused, and that will, in turn, teach your children that is an acceptable way to treat a spouse, or to allow a spouse to treat them.
 
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cctmedic

Guest
#7
#7
I must say I missed the abuse part of this. If abuse involved get out. If abuse is present then love is not. A man that will abuse does not love anything but his selfeshness. Leave and don't look back. Get out.
 
Shilo

Shilo

Senior Member
#8
Aug 31, 2011
1,974
102
63
#8
Praying You can discern or test what God's saying through his Spirit is the way to go.
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#9
#9
I would pray asking God to guide you to make sound decision.
 
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