Son is anxious

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overcomer2

Guest
#1
#1
I have an issue that is bothering me, and I can't seem to put my finger on it to help my son. My son is bright and he has lots of friends however, when my son is anxious his mind seems to go blank. I will give a for instance. My son is at a theological seminary and he is on the basketball team. All good so far, but when my son goes to practice and the coach tells him to do something he is completely confused. All the teammates try and help him. I told him that the coach thought him good enough to be on team he will get the plays down.

But really I think what happens is that he disappoints his coach so he has been put on 3rd string. He tells me mom I am so confused when I get out there that I don't know what to do. This really is no new thing with my son. He tends to live in his own world and when he is put on spot his entire mind goes blank. He can't even function. I saw him play last night, he did well, however, I could see the times he was confused and when he's confused he stops, does nothing, looks around I can tell he is completely lost.

Has anyone ever experienced anything I'm mentioning? Or know someone who deals with deep anxiety. I know my aunt used to get so anxious that for many years she could not be around a crowd. And it her 30's she was afraid to drive, so she stopped for like 10 years.

I'm just really worried about him. He confided that this is troubling him and I really don't know what to say other than get your confidence up. I spoke with the coach last night and at first he seemed distant. The second time I told him my son's game had really improved under his coaching(which is true). He seemed more open after that but I know my son and if he feels he's disappointed this man, it will be really hard on him and he almost goes computer overload if you know what I mean. Any thoughts on the matter?
 
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overcomer2

Guest
#2
#2
Okay, I'm doing a little research and it sounds like this is called a panic attack.
 
S

SirLucan

Banned
#3
Oct 18, 2013
195
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#3
overcomer2 said:
I have an issue that is bothering me, and I can't seem to put my finger on it to help my son. My son is bright and he has lots of friends however, when my son is anxious his mind seems to go blank. I will give a for instance. My son is at a theological seminary and he is on the basketball team. All good so far, but when my son goes to practice and the coach tells him to do something he is completely confused. All the teammates try and help him. I told him that the coach thought him good enough to be on team he will get the plays down.

But really I think what happens is that he disappoints his coach so he has been put on 3rd string. He tells me mom I am so confused when I get out there that I don't know what to do. This really is no new thing with my son. He tends to live in his own world and when he is put on spot his entire mind goes blank. He can't even function. I saw him play last night, he did well, however, I could see the times he was confused and when he's confused he stops, does nothing, looks around I can tell he is completely lost.

Has anyone ever experienced anything I'm mentioning? Or know someone who deals with deep anxiety. I know my aunt used to get so anxious that for many years she could not be around a crowd. And it her 30's she was afraid to drive, so she stopped for like 10 years.

I'm just really worried about him. He confided that this is troubling him and I really don't know what to say other than get your confidence up. I spoke with the coach last night and at first he seemed distant. The second time I told him my son's game had really improved under his coaching(which is true). He seemed more open after that but I know my son and if he feels he's disappointed this man, it will be really hard on him and he almost goes computer overload if you know what I mean. Any thoughts on the matter?
Click to expand...
Please don't take this wrong way. Okay. There could be a chemical imbalance in the brain. I would begin with that assumption. You've already mentioned a family with similar anxiety responses. Okay. Start with your family physician. Ask for tests. You may find yourself working with medicine that addresses a mental issue. No. I do not mean he is deliberately causing it. Something happens when his brain, senses are "over" stimulated.

Also, consider looking into foods that may trigger it or heighten the symptoms.

If someone says "Oh, it's nothing." Ignore that. You are the parent and go by intuition.

There is a stigma attached to psychology and psychiatrist. They might help, not necessarily with medicine, but with tests.

This is not a matter of "faith" vs. medicine. It is not a case of being crazy. I am convinced it is DNA or chemical or food.

Hope this helps.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#4
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#4
Does he say what he's feeling at the time when his mind goes blank? Overwhelming panic, or just confusion, or something else? If overwhelming panic, it probably is a panic attack. Panic attacks usually also effect motor skills in one way or another. If it's confusion, that might be something else entirely...

I've mentioned it before, but do some research on Inositol, which is a natural supplement that really helps with anxiety and is beneficial either on demand or taken multiple times daily. It has many benefits, but the main one is calming anxiety and many therapists and holistic doctors are recommending it to their patients as an alternative to medications because it's safe and has no side effects.
 
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chatter23

Banned
#5
Oct 12, 2013
481
0
0
#5
overcomer2 said:
I have an issue that is bothering me, and I can't seem to put my finger on it to help my son. My son is bright and he has lots of friends however, when my son is anxious his mind seems to go blank. I will give a for instance. My son is at a theological seminary and he is on the basketball team. All good so far, but when my son goes to practice and the coach tells him to do something he is completely confused. All the teammates try and help him. I told him that the coach thought him good enough to be on team he will get the plays down.

But really I think what happens is that he disappoints his coach so he has been put on 3rd string. He tells me mom I am so confused when I get out there that I don't know what to do. This really is no new thing with my son. He tends to live in his own world and when he is put on spot his entire mind goes blank. He can't even function. I saw him play last night, he did well, however, I could see the times he was confused and when he's confused he stops, does nothing, looks around I can tell he is completely lost.

Has anyone ever experienced anything I'm mentioning? Or know someone who deals with deep anxiety. I know my aunt used to get so anxious that for many years she could not be around a crowd. And it her 30's she was afraid to drive, so she stopped for like 10 years.

I'm just really worried about him. He confided that this is troubling him and I really don't know what to say other than get your confidence up. I spoke with the coach last night and at first he seemed distant. The second time I told him my son's game had really improved under his coaching(which is true). He seemed more open after that but I know my son and if he feels he's disappointed this man, it will be really hard on him and he almost goes computer overload if you know what I mean. Any thoughts on the matter?
Click to expand...
Your son is under a lot of stress and his mind shuts down to control the stress.
I would like to recommend a stress device that he can sit and listen to. He also feels insecure. and lacks self confidence.
You can get it at fhu.com or at amazon. It has helped thousands of people suffering from stress. It is worth trying, I know it will help.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#6
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
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#6
Some people, including me, will suddenly freeze (or panic) at crucial times. Probably due to low self-confidence. He needs to talk honestly with his coach, so the coach will understand what is going on. Otherwise, he might think your son is purposely not doing what he's supposed to. He can 'talk' him through these episodes and with encouragement they will probably be few and far between.

Also, is he getting enough sleep and eating well? Our brains really do work better with the right nutrition and enough sleep. We can think more clearly in stressful situations.
 
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tenderhearted

Guest
#7
#7
Sounds like he lacks confidence like you said. Encourage him to pray before he goes to practice or has a game. Have him quote scriptures pertaining to anxiety. Like the one in Philippines Be anxious about nothing... or the scripture that says I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. One thing I know about men is that they like to hear words of affirmation, so compliment your son. Tell him how proud you are of him. That God has plan for his life. That he is wonderfully and fearfully made. Pray for him. I don't get the feeling that there is a chemical imbalance. Your son needs to know who he is in Christ. Is his father present in his life? If so, does he encourage your son. You don't have to answer this--it's just something to think about. My husband's father wasn't present in his life and he struggles with self confidence. Try not to worry about your son. God will take care of him.
 
ThomistColin

ThomistColin

Banned
#8
Nov 30, 2012
2,396
26
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#8
Sounds more like an anxiety attack. I have suffered those before, and still do on occasion. In essence, the mind is shutting down because it is in worry overload. The fear turns to something far worse, dread. The human person is made for flight or fight situations. Dread is an emotion that takes place during those moments. However, in certain people, myself included, normal worrying will kick off a fight or flight dread response. Its common in people who suffer from Chronic Depression, though some people just suffer from what is called General Anxiety Disorder. In essence, when your son is in a moment where he feels he bears true weight of responsibility, he begins to worry about doing something wrong. This will kick off his fight or flight tendency, adrenaline will flood his brain, however, instead of acting, his worrying goes into overdrive. Soon, the mind realizes that it is frozen, and will shut down understanding and comprehension. Suddenly, you only have one problem, where am I and why am I here. Soon, the mind will allow comprehension when the moment has passed. Its an anxiety attack. A panic attack will and can cause signs that are similiar to a heart attack. Anxiety attacks happen without most people noticing anything other than you seem confused or brooding.
 
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nazia

Guest
#9
#9
thank you for sharing, i think this information are really helpful which helps people a lot.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#10
Jan 21, 2011
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#10
Long ago I read something about personality traits of 'successful people'....it mentioned some good advice. Our inner thoughts drive our actions and if we always have a mental picture of failing...then we usually do. But if we force ourselves to envision (have mental pictures) of ourselves accomplishing something successfully, then we more likely to do it well; and force ourselves to reject visions of failure. I'm sure this takes practice but getting control of our thought world is important for everyone.

Also, if we see failure in a positive light, then we can use 'mistakes' to learn something positive. Thomas Edison stated that he had to invent the light bulb one hundred and something times before he got it right. He learned from each wrong version that didn't work. When we can examine a failure and draw out a lesson then it ceases to be a failure. This brings self confidence.

Maybe your son has difficulty with memory? There are brain exercises for improving our memory...it's very similar to a muscle...it needs to be built up. I've found some good brain exercises on the internet...especially at Lumosity.com...though this site requires payment. But they are very good computer games for strengthening mental processes.

When I was homeschooling my kids their math course required them to add a string of numbers together mentally and verbally which is harder than you think it would be, but it was a good mental exercise.

Anyway, these are just thoughts and may not apply to your situation. I do feel for him...my daughter also had trouble in basketball. She is short but wanted to play basketball really bad. Her talent was speed and she had the ability to steal the ball and move it down the court before the other team even realized what had happened. However, she kept replaying in her brain "I'm too short to play basketball" and many times forgot what her contribution to the team could be.
 
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overcomer2

Guest
#11
#11
I do appreciate all your comments and praying about them. I wasn't sure if there was a difference in anxiety and panic attacks, but, it looks like there is. Here is an update. No, he doesn't eat right or sleep well. He lives in a dorm. I did discuss the topic with him and he is now aware of what may be happening we are going to see how he is able to conquer this with just knowing that this thing is real. He said he would begin trying breathing and getting his mind together before hand and that he would talk with his coach. I did look into some natural remedies. I liked some of them. Just a note for those praying for him - he bit his tongue yesterday while playing basketball(urg). Wanted to know if stitches would be needed. 1/2 in cut on side. Told him no they don't recommend stitches on tongue unless 1 inch. So we are watching and waiting.

Thank you all for such helpful responses.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#12
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
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#12
Since I've started my own 'get healthy' program (over weight, blood pressure creeping up) I'm amazed about how much our nutrition is tied in everything else...even our mental processes. I tried a no carb diet and my mind was muddled for the whole 2 days I was on it. I tried a vegan diet...but the protein was way too low and my gallbladder hated the low-fat content and it had to go (healthy fat is actually a good thing)...I was also, again, muddle-headed. I've now been tracking my protein, carbs, and fats, and think I've got the balance about right. I guess this is close to the Mayo Clinic diet. I still have 20 lbs to go.

Along with improving memory, speed of mental processing is useful on the basketball court. Maybe more so since things change VERY FAST. That's what makes it a fun sport to play and watch. Again, mental exercises can increase speed. I've always been a slow thinker, but I don't think I'm stupid (some people would probably argue that :)). It's frustrating and can be discouraging. But God, in His good wisdom, gives us all different gifts. We just have to find our talents. They may not be very dramatic talents but whatever we can contribute, we should work on doing it as well as we can.

Hopefully, your son will see this struggle in a positive light....it's challenging; something he can be motivated to work on. Playing basketball is a great way to get exercise and increase his mental processes and hopefully he can get himself on a good sleep schedule and eating right (fruits and vegetables, healthy protein, good fats, and whole grains).

He is so blessed to have a praying and helpful mother :). You seem to have a wonderful relationship. I can't help but be envious :).
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#13
Jan 21, 2011
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#13
Or, would he consider a less hectic sport...one that doesn't have a lot of bodies running around in different directions, very fast. It's hard enough to follow basketball from the bleachers; I imagine being in the center of it all is even more confusing :).

Track, wrestling, swim team, tennis, golf....is he interested in any of these? My husband was athletic in college but he liked the more individual type of sports like tennis and swimming and running. And he lifted weights.
 
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chatter23

Banned
#14
Oct 12, 2013
481
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#14
QUOTE=overcomer2;1242562]I have an issue that is bothering me, and I can't seem to put my finger on it to help my son. My son is bright and he has lots of friends however, when my son is anxious his mind seems to go blank. I will give a for instance. My son is at a theological seminary and he is on the basketball team. All good so far, but when my son goes to practice and the coach tells him to do something he is completely confused. All the teammates try and help him. I told him that the coach thought him good enough to be on team he will get the plays down.Quote


I think your son is under too much pressure to perform by many things, his school, his teachers, his activities to please a coach that is impatient and your son senses that and tries to please him. These are some cases for his problem.
He is probably a people pleasure and we can't please everyone without feeling anxious.
He needs to understand that this problem has a cause.
Is he pressured at home? I would look into the causes.
 
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overcomer2

Guest
#15
#15
Well, He has been playing basketball for a team for a long time. He made the college basketball team. He has always been used to being first string All star player. HS bball and college bball are just different. Actually all the new freshman are 3rd string. I told him he will prove himself as the coach sees him play. He just has this thing when he messes up that he goes into this anxiety attack it doesn't just happen in sports. It could be another topic and if he is unsure of himself he just gets real confused. So I think knowing what this could be will help him a lot. I believe this is good for him anyway. He has to come to terms with issues. This is a real safe environment to learn in.

By the way, thank you for your help. I think that is great you have done so well with your dietary info and balancing food. I will keep you in prayer for the other 20lbs.:D
 
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chatter23

Banned
#16
Oct 12, 2013
481
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#16
Re: Son is anxious
Well, He has been playing basketball for a team for a long time. He made the college basketball team. He has always been used to being first string All star player. HS bball and college bball are just different. Actually all the new freshman are 3rd string. I told him he will prove himself as the coach sees him play. He just has this thing when he messes up that he goes into this anxiety attack it doesn't just happen in sports. It could be another topic and if he is unsure of himself he just gets real confused. So I think knowing what this could be will help him a lot. I believe this is good for him anyway. He has to come to terms with issues. This is a real safe environment to learn in.
​
 
ThomistColin

ThomistColin

Banned
#18
Nov 30, 2012
2,396
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#18
I'll also mention, I no longer ask for God to take this Chronic Depression away from me. Though I'll probably be on low dosage therapy for the rest of my life. I don't want it gone because it has in many ways become a part of me. I've learned to love the part of me that worries about everything, because there in lies much of what God uses to create empathy in me. God loves broken pottery, I believe He thinks its the best soil to work in (if I may mix metaphors).
 
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chatter23

Banned
#19
Oct 12, 2013
481
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#19
No use talking to some people who fail to see that it is their ambition in their son's problem.

Too bad
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#20
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
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#20
It is hard being a freshman in college...a lot to adjust to. Praying for your son that this will be a good growing experience for him :).
 
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