Starting a family

[Runningman]

You're not married, and you haven't even met yet, and you expect her to drop everything on a girls trip and block out an hour or so of her time, from friends she hasn't seen in over a year? If I were her, I'd be running for the hills.

I just said that the problem wasn't so much that I wanted a lot of time, which I received, but rather due to the inconvenience of the phone. Her friends seemed to be a bit annoyed that she was giving me time and attention like I was actually there. As a result, that made her uncomfortable.

Her friend's perspective seems to be that people on phone calls are not really there and therefore don't deserve a lot of time. For the past year, when she has gone out with her friends, she normally calls me likes this, props the phone up at the dinner tables, lets me engage everyone. This isn't unusual for us.

I'm not really sure what you're imagining, but it isn't like I was begging and pleading for her attention. Had she just said no, which she didn't, that would have been the end of the discussion. She took it upon herself to call me everyday.

The point I demanded more attention on was just being present. I don't think I was 100% clear on that part. Even though the video call was active, I wasn't actively being engaged with discussion. I was more like just there at her beck and call when she felt the need to pick the phone up.

She's running right into my arms soon, but thanks for your candid opinion.
Have you been married before?

 

[GardenofWeeden]

I just said that the problem wasn't so much that I wanted a lot of time, which I received, but rather due to the inconvenience of the phone. Her friends seemed to be a bit annoyed that she was giving me time and attention like I was actually there. As a result, that made her uncomfortable.

I'm not really sure what you're imagining, but it isn't like I was begging and pleading for her attention. Had she just said no, which she didn't, that would have been the end of the discussion. She took it upon herself to call me everyday.

The point I demanded more attention on was just being present. I don't think I was 100% clear on that part. Even though the video call was active, I wasn't actively being engaged with discussion. I was more like just there at her beck and call when she felt the need to pick the phone up.

Have you been married before?

I was married for almost 28 years until he passed.

 

[Runningman]

I just used term "girls'" trip to be descriptive of her trip, not to give a statement on gender. Imagine if you went on an important trip, but your parents require you to call them every night for one or two hours? Or, what if your wife requires this of you? Isn't this too much? It is one thing if you have free time, just watching TV in the hotel, but what if you are out and about. In this context, I don't see a big difference between parents or husband/wife. Some people may be okay with this, but surely not everyone.

I'll drop everything for my family, even risk my life and job, and I've done that. I'm not going to give specific examples, but when I love someone I don't hold back much, within reason.

 

[Lanolin]

?

video calls need to be done at an agreed time you dont just video call someone any old time. There is a time difference if you are in different parts of the world

sorry but you issues you need to sort out, cant help you if you are just in two different places at the same time. Thats YOUR issue that you making a big deal of.

why is the thread about starting a family when you havent even met in person yet, arent married, and dont have a place to even live together, seems a bit weird to me.

 

[Runningman]

?

video calls need to be done at an agreed time you dont just video call someone any old time. There is a time difference if you are in different parts of the world

sorry but you issues you need to sort out, cant help you if you are just in two different places at the same time. Thats YOUR issue that you making a big deal of.

why is the thread about starting a family when you havent even met in person yet, arent married, and dont have a place to even live together, seems a bit weird to me.

Well, that’s your opinion about a subjective matter, but that’s not how we do things. I’ve discussed how we do things and it works for us, I would appreciate your support but it isn’t required.

Online and long distance dating are real things. Ever been in a relationship with someone who went to a different time zone? The relationship doesn’t end the further you are away does it. Though some people think that way and horrible things seem to happen as a result.

Ever fell in love with a personality in a movie, TV show, etc? It happens all the time. That’s exactly what happened to us.

 

[Lanolin]

shes a real person so respect that shes in a different time zone and space right now thats all

just seems like you and her aren't getting that. plus you are not married so you arent even together so you are NOT in that space. You havent even had that space.

Maybe in the future, yes, when you are married but not right now. One of you will have to give up EVERYTHING to be with the other. Have you thought about that. Leaving your homeland, family friends, job behind.

One of you will have to do this. And they cannot look back.

 

[Lanolin]

I havent been to Vietnam, but America is very different culture from Vietnam. I trained ESL with a guy from Vietnam I remember.

It will harder for her if she goes to your country but it will be easier for her if you go to hers.
And vice versa.

So who is the one willing to give up their homeland here? Have you discussed that.

 

[Runningman]

I havent been to Vietnam, but America is very different culture from Vietnam. I trained ESL with a guy from Vietnam I remember.

It will harder for her if she goes to your country but it will be easier for her if you go to hers.
And vice versa.

So who is the one willing to give up their homeland here? Have you discussed that.

yes definitely some startling cultural differences for sure. Some of those differences almost shipwrecked the relationship early on until we worked through them and discussed it.

I’m well-established in the USA and I’ll be moving there. I already have a job lined up. Once I’m there my opportunities for better jobs will expand. I plan to stay there, get married, have a family, buy a house or flat, have a job.

Will it be difficult? Absolutely. It’s just life, though. Why not occasionally have a shakeup, uproot, and go somewhere else? I don’t have kids or anything tying me down. If anyone can do it then they should. Live a little adventurously. It’s more fun this way to to me.

 

[Runningman]

I havent been to Vietnam, but America is very different culture from Vietnam. I trained ESL with a guy from Vietnam I remember.

It will harder for her if she goes to your country but it will be easier for her if you go to hers.
And vice versa.

So who is the one willing to give up their homeland here? Have you discussed that.

And I’ll be living in Hanoi, at least initially. I think in a month or so look for my profile to update. My location will change to Vietnam! 😆🤭😁