STEP PARENTING

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Guest
#21
These were the verses I was thinking about when I wrote about a possible spirtiual battle of some sort in your marriage. I only am giving these for anyone who may not know these paritcualr verses. I know I didn't until recently.

Mathew 5:27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[a] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’[b] 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.


Mathew 19:3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”



Malachi 2:13 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

15 Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring.[d] So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,”[e] says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.


Luke 7:36 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”
40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.
41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[c] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” 50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”


Colossians 3: 1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. 18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers,[c] do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
 
K

Kimmee

Guest
#22
It wasn't just you. I'm just frustrated with the situation and can't figure a way to make changes. I'm a follower of Christ and was upset that some just assumed my marriage wasn't right in Gods eyes. I was abused physically and emotionally for years. I was cheated on and then he left me for the married women he was cheating on me with. I fought for the better part of a year to win his love back. I tried church counseling, praying, walking away from all my family, forgiving him and nothing worked. I am not one to walk away from my commitment I made to God but what do you do? I prayed and got stronger and my faith grew and then I walked away! I found a wonderful man and we are extremely happy. Maybe my tone in the last message was too harsh?? If so I'm SORRY! For now I guess I just pray for those girls. Love them and hope in time they see I do really love their father and them too!!!
 
M

MrMyagi

Guest
#23
Just joined this site to see perspectives. This thread might be old, but thought I could lend an opinion.

Often times on these Christian sites, it's very apparent the hurt that a step parent endures when simply trying to 'love and be loved'.

I am a step dad. I have no kids of my own. My wife and I both are Christians and are committed to living a "God Centered" marriage. I am one of the lucky ones. My wife understands completely what problems I have, can, and could eventually encounter by playing the step parent role. There is much to tell regarding the interactions with the step kids as life has not been perfect in this sense. That being said, despite the problems that have occurred, I am blessed to have a wife that completely supports me, doesn't play favorites with the kids, and has, in fact, turned some of their behaviors around in regards to what it is important for this blended family to thrive. As I said, I am one of the lucky ones.

I wish to address this particular post with one thought... It eventually stems to many other threads, but I'll start here. It is simply this:

If any step parent is feeling "hurt" from a step child, no matter what the situation, it is my belief that the person is seeking validation or approval FROM the child, regardless of age. This, in my opinion, is the first mistake ANY parent, whether bio or step, makes. Anytime we are seeking such things from another human being, we are guaranteed to fail. This is why, in both my marriage, and in my raising of kids who are not my own, I seek GOD'S approval only. I seek for him to tell me what the RIGHT THING is to do at all times. Truth be told, with a couple of the kids, I have not been "liked" as a result. I do not care if they like me. I care whether or not my actions eventually bore FRUIT!! And in both regards to both now adult kids, the results were fruit baring, even if they know they had to be "tough loved" in order for it to have happened.

Do not look for validation from ANY step child. Your own bio children are even programmed to merely 'get what they want' anyway at certain times in their lives even from their own parents. Concentrate on the marriage first. Children, whether bio or step, come second. New behaviors that correct old bad behaviors are always prone to resistance. Consistency...... relentless and gentle consistency will win in the end. And only worry about what GOD thinks about it all.

MY humble opinion