abuse is not random. there is what is called 'a cycle of abuse' a non-abusive person has trouble to disengage from personal hurt but in order to cut through the cycle, the abused person has to disengage from it. following are not my words, but they describe the cycle quite well
Fortunately, narcissists are creatures of habit so when they have discovered an abuse tactic that is effective, it is repeated. There are seven ways a person can be abused: physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, financially, sexually, and spiritually. Some examples include aggression, confusion, twisting the truth, gaslighting, limiting access to money, sexual coercion, and dichotomous thinking. Observe the tactic as if it were a show instead of taking it personally.
note how the abuse is repeated. it cannot be repeated if it is no longer effective
dichotomous here means a way of thinking that is black and white...creating an either or situation
it is just about useless to try and reason with a narcissist...keep in mind the dichotomous way of thinking
here is another interesting quote (not mine) that illustrates insight in how to handle this type of person
In order to thrive, narcissists need a daily feeding of attention, affirmation, affection, and adoration. A simple comment of, “you look amazing,” “you are so good at that,” or “you are impressive” goes a long way. Discover ways to show appreciation and thanks to the narcissist daily and the raging will subside greatly. This is not manipulation, rather it a basic understanding of how the personality disorder works.
as Christians we tend to want to be honest...have an honest discussion and try to help. but we are not dealing with an honest person
as the quote above states, understanding the personality disorder helps to deal with it
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