The Narcissistic Marriage

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Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
3,247
3,682
113
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#21
This sums it up , my daughters past 18 yrs...

But he did physically abuse her to a dangerous point , she retracted her statement through fear...
Her children are older now , the physical abuse has stopped , now he comes at her about her faith...xox...
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#22
But he did physically abuse her to a dangerous point , she retracted her statement through fear...
Her children are older now , the physical abuse has stopped , now he comes at her about her faith...xox...
your other post summed up the narcissistic personality. a person who chooses a 'victim' and basically proceeds to destroy them

praise God that your daughter has accepted Christ

if she can, she should leave this monster

someone posted that both parents were narcissistic but a true narcissist would never choose another
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#23
abuse is not random. there is what is called 'a cycle of abuse' a non-abusive person has trouble to disengage from personal hurt but in order to cut through the cycle, the abused person has to disengage from it. following are not my words, but they describe the cycle quite well

Fortunately, narcissists are creatures of habit so when they have discovered an abuse tactic that is effective, it is repeated. There are seven ways a person can be abused: physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, financially, sexually, and spiritually. Some examples include aggression, confusion, twisting the truth, gaslighting, limiting access to money, sexual coercion, and dichotomous thinking. Observe the tactic as if it were a show instead of taking it personally.

note how the abuse is repeated. it cannot be repeated if it is no longer effective

dichotomous here means a way of thinking that is black and white...creating an either or situation

it is just about useless to try and reason with a narcissist...keep in mind the dichotomous way of thinking

here is another interesting quote (not mine) that illustrates insight in how to handle this type of person

In order to thrive, narcissists need a daily feeding of attention, affirmation, affection, and adoration. A simple comment of, “you look amazing,” “you are so good at that,” or “you are impressive” goes a long way. Discover ways to show appreciation and thanks to the narcissist daily and the raging will subside greatly. This is not manipulation, rather it a basic understanding of how the personality disorder works.

as Christians we tend to want to be honest...have an honest discussion and try to help. but we are not dealing with an honest person

as the quote above states, understanding the personality disorder helps to deal with it
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,601
4,510
113
#25
abuse is not random. there is what is called 'a cycle of abuse' a non-abusive person has trouble to disengage from personal hurt but in order to cut through the cycle, the abused person has to disengage from it. following are not my words, but they describe the cycle quite well

Fortunately, narcissists are creatures of habit so when they have discovered an abuse tactic that is effective, it is repeated. There are seven ways a person can be abused: physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally, financially, sexually, and spiritually. Some examples include aggression, confusion, twisting the truth, gaslighting, limiting access to money, sexual coercion, and dichotomous thinking. Observe the tactic as if it were a show instead of taking it personally.

note how the abuse is repeated. it cannot be repeated if it is no longer effective

dichotomous here means a way of thinking that is black and white...creating an either or situation

it is just about useless to try and reason with a narcissist...keep in mind the dichotomous way of thinking

here is another interesting quote (not mine) that illustrates insight in how to handle this type of person

In order to thrive, narcissists need a daily feeding of attention, affirmation, affection, and adoration. A simple comment of, “you look amazing,” “you are so good at that,” or “you are impressive” goes a long way. Discover ways to show appreciation and thanks to the narcissist daily and the raging will subside greatly. This is not manipulation, rather it a basic understanding of how the personality disorder works.

as Christians we tend to want to be honest...have an honest discussion and try to help. but we are not dealing with an honest person

as the quote above states, understanding the personality disorder helps to deal with it
Ive often wondered why, in some churches, the preacher does this thing...go tell the person next to you they look awesome or some overly flattering comment. Does he think we are all narcissists? And I know I dont always look awesome plus its rather insincere when he tells everyone to tell the person next to them the same thing.

I dont know, maybe its just me, but Im wary if someones always flattering me and complimenting me all the time. For things that dont need compliments like I've just done my job or something and someone thinks im awesome? For just doing something I normally do? Or, maybe i just cant take a compliment...I dunno. I guess Im honest to a fault.

I cant bring myself to lie even if its to 'grease the wheels'. I can be tactful but cant outright do stuff like flatter someone in order to get something. Like be a sycophant. Theres other names for that I wont print here. Do narcisissts want people to do that. Wouldnt that just put you in a position of always having to lie to them though.
 
Mar 21, 2019
487
163
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#26
I dont know, maybe its just me, but Im wary if someones always flattering me and complimenting me all the time. For things that dont need compliments like I've just done my job or something and someone thinks im awesome? For just doing something I normally do? Or, maybe i just cant take a compliment...I dunno. I guess Im honest to a fault.
Uh oh! You sound like you might be a narcissist yourself! :eek: :eek: :eek:
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#27
Ive often wondered why, in some churches, the preacher does this thing...go tell the person next to you they look awesome or some overly flattering comment. Does he think we are all narcissists? And I know I dont always look awesome plus its rather insincere when he tells everyone to tell the person next to them the same thing.

I dont know, maybe its just me, but Im wary if someones always flattering me and complimenting me all the time. For things that dont need compliments like I've just done my job or something and someone thinks im awesome? For just doing something I normally do? Or, maybe i just cant take a compliment...I dunno. I guess Im honest to a fault.

I cant bring myself to lie even if its to 'grease the wheels'. I can be tactful but cant outright do stuff like flatter someone in order to get something. Like be a sycophant. Theres other names for that I wont print here. Do narcisissts want people to do that. Wouldnt that just put you in a position of always having to lie to them though.

that's not narcissism LOL! but I totally agree with you

I can't stand lying either. I also don't like all this huggie huggie everyone around you either

sounds like we could be uncomfortable in church together ;)

my fav is when someone is shaking your hand and looking the other way. can't beat that haha
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,601
4,510
113
#28
that's not narcissism LOL! but I totally agree with you

I can't stand lying either. I also don't like all this huggie huggie everyone around you either

sounds like we could be uncomfortable in church together ;)

my fav is when someone is shaking your hand and looking the other way. can't beat that haha
Lol why not just say ok everyone, out of the pews. GRoup hug!