Those people that drive you crazy...

[resurrection33]

We all have them in our lives...my question is how do you deal with them?

My specific situation is my sister. What she says really bothers me. For a long time I thought it was me and something I had to deal with, but another sibling admitted that the sister I'm having trouble with really does treat me worse than she treats others. It's like she TRIES to say things to bother me and make me fly off the handle. Lately I've taken to simply keeping silent. But it hurts, ya know?

I'd really appreciate stories/solutions from others, and I could use you guys' prayers.

My first line of defense, with people who make life difficult, is to have as little to do with them as possible, perhaps.

 

[coby2]

Yea I think they may be jealous of you Tinuviel b/c the baby of the family always gets coddled (* not saying you are ) but by the 2nd/3rd child the parents have gotten the "education" to raise up kids better so they do everything for the latter children whereas the older ones are the "trial/error" kids for parents to learn how to parent so they are usually uber-strict whereas 2nd/3rd kids get more lax rules....

My brother is 8 years older and my sister 10. They all spoiled me. We just never had fights. What use is it to fight your little sister?
My mother was the youngest too with 8 older brothers and sisters. Same thing. You're always the cute young little sister. Oh you're only 45. I'm 55. You're still young.

 

[coby2]

My first line of defense, with people who make life difficult, is to have as little to do with them as possible, perhaps.

That's a bit impossible if you share a room.

 

[Tinuviel]

That's a bit impossible if you share a room.

Which was how this whole thing started, I think lol. It's her day off work and I planned on spending a lot of time on some remote part of the plantation, and hey presto! snow *smiles wryly*

 

[resurrection33]

That's a bit impossible if you share a room.

It would be difficult to share a room with such a person. Still, if you ignore them as much as possible, you'd probably make an impression.

 

[JosephsDreams]

That is not (always) true. I'm the baby of my family, and I've never been coddled. My sisters and brother are 9, 11 and 13 years older than me, respectively. I grew up pretty much as an only child because by the time I was a teenager, they had all left home. I was usually my own playmate, going off in the woods, playing in the brook, climbing trees, etc. I get along okay with my 1st oldest sister, but the other sister I cannot stand to be around. She's nasty, she's rude, she's negative towards everyone and everything, she never has anything positive to say. I avoid her like the plague. I'm closest to my brother, and he's the oldest, 13 years older than me. My eldest sister, the one I can't stand, has always been jealous of me cuz she feels like I got handed everything on a silver platter. But I didn't. I developed seizures at age 5, so alot of attention was put on me because of that, and since I was still a kid, naturally they gave me more attention, cuz the other 3 were all gone. But I had chores, a curfew, etc. I had to do laundry and dishes. I got sent to my room once or twice. The only way I got treated differently was that my mom didn't beat me, like she did with my sisters. To this day, my sister is still jealous of me, probably because my parents help me out more than they do with her. My parents don't even want her around because she's so nasty and negative. My dad has a bank account going for me for after he dies, and if my sister finds out that he did one for me, but not for her, she will be madder than a wet chicken in mud. No joke. :/

Better hope she doesn't join CC

 

[Tinuviel]

It would be difficult to share a room with such a person. Still, if you ignore them as much as possible, you'd probably make an impression.

Is ignoring them the only way to live with them? It doesn't seem like a very Christian thing to do when I feel like she really needs to see Christ-like love. But I feel like I've tried everything else.

 

[spunkycat08]

Is ignoring them the only way to live with them? It doesn't seem like a very Christian thing to do when I feel like she really needs to see Christ-like love. But I feel like I've tried everything else.

You can do that.

However, the other person has to want to accept what you are doing to make it work. The other person also has to pay attention to what you are doing.

 

[Tinuviel]

You can do that.

However, the other person has to want to accept what you are doing to make it work. The other person also has to pay attention to what you are doing.

I don't know if she's in that place, or if she even sees a problem.

 

[spunkycat08]

I don't know if she's in that place, or if she even sees a problem.

Perhaps it would be best for you to talk to God about this as well as to pray about it.

There are times when seeking God's wisdom and counsel is the best thing we can do.

 

[Tinuviel]

Perhaps it would be best for you to talk to God about this as well as to pray about it.

There are times when seeking God's wisdom and counsel is the best thing we can do.

How very true. Thanks for the reminder!

 

[Depleted]

We all have them in our lives...my question is how do you deal with them?

My specific situation is my sister. What she says really bothers me. For a long time I thought it was me and something I had to deal with, but another sibling admitted that the sister I'm having trouble with really does treat me worse than she treats others. It's like she TRIES to say things to bother me and make me fly off the handle. Lately I've taken to simply keeping silent. But it hurts, ya know?

I'd really appreciate stories/solutions from others, and I could use you guys' prayers.

When I read your title, I suspected it was family. Can anyone drive us nuttier than family? Hard to love, but you can't leave them. (Can't shoot them either.) No matter how many kids there are, all of them are complete opposites.

What's the solution? I don't know if there is one. I can tell you everything changes when we get older, but that's just the way we handle them. They're pretty much who they'll always be. Might just be we don't live with each other anymore, so there are moments when we can get away from them to cool off. And somewhere in there are the memories of what we actually like about them. That which most drove me nuts about one of my brothers just worked out to resolve an issue with Dad. Ends up, it's good he's like he is. (He still drives me nuts though.)

 

[Depleted]

she's older by 16 years. So a fairly significant age gap. But I'm cool with age gaps. I've another sister that's 18 years older than me, and she and I get on famously.

It seems like...this sister that I'm having the problems with...it seems like we don't have even basic worldview in common, and so any time we talk we argue, it really wears me down. I want to build a good relationship with her, but I cannot seem to get through to her.

Stay away from worldviews. (My sister is 25 years younger than I am, and that's the only way we get along. BUT, we do get along.)

 

[Depleted]

And no, she's not really a "favorite child" but she does tend to bicker quite a bit, so it is usually only when I can't take it any more and start arguing back that my parents step in (because they kinda just tune out my sister, but they figure if I'm upset something needs to be done), so, even when they might correct my sister, I feel like they blame me because it was my voice that got them involved. And because of that I don't really even get a chance to defend myself (like I really need to do any more of that!)

I'm not trying to slam my sister; I really feel like she doesn't have the spiritual resources I have, so I really cannot blame her for being upset if things go wrong in this life. Sadly, I'm not sure how much hope she has for the next life. (I'm not saying she's not a Christian, but if she is she's been in a spiritual decline for several years).

Thanks for the help, guys!

Can you get your own bedroom? Even if you make a makeshift one in the basement, the attic, or the garage, (if you can get heat in there.)

I see part of her problem. She was used to being on her own somewhere along the line, and now she's stuck sharing a bedroom with a sister she barely grew up with.

And I see the reverse for you. You finally got your own bedroom and then...

If at all possible, renegotiate bedrooms.

 

[Depleted]

Yeah. Unless one of us moves out there really isn't room to have separate bedrooms. When I was younger (it's changed now) we had 12 people living in the house and only 4 bedrooms. But still, even with some people gone and a few more bedrooms, there totally isn't room to have one each We have plenty of family space, but for an introverted person like myself, it's a bit tricky to find a place to be alone and recharge. (especially when it's cold outside. I'm thinking this whole pathetic rant is because we should be close to the end of winter and aren't yet...I'm sorry about dumping).

A walk-in closet? Honest. You need a place to be on your own sometimes.

I gather you're not the youngest either? Because this sounds like four bedrooms and two kids. Ought to be doable. (I'm missing something.)

 

[Depleted]

My brother is 8 years older and my sister 10. They all spoiled me. We just never had fights. What use is it to fight your little sister?
My mother was the youngest too with 8 older brothers and sisters. Same thing. You're always the cute young little sister. Oh you're only 45. I'm 55. You're still young.

Yeah, but right now, I can laugh at my older brothers because they're in their 60's, and I'm only in my 50's.

(Of course, the laughter ends in two weeks. lol)

 

[Depleted]

Which was how this whole thing started, I think lol. It's her day off work and I planned on spending a lot of time on some remote part of the plantation, and hey presto! snow *smiles wryly*

The plantation closed?

(I'm really very impressed the two of you share a room and no one is dead. lol)

 

[Depleted]

Is ignoring them the only way to live with them? It doesn't seem like a very Christian thing to do when I feel like she really needs to see Christ-like love. But I feel like I've tried everything else.

I like your idea better -- don't return the insults. Don't argue back. (I like it. Doesn't mean I could do it.) But you really need to get back to that plantation the second it reopens. (And, yes. I know that's not a literal place, but my mind took off imagining you running away to a plantation in the snow.)

Really though, you'll need a place to scream, be yourself, and get away however you can manage that. Is 16 too old to build a tree fort? Because anything to get some quiet time is desperately needed.

 

[Tinuviel]

Can you get your own bedroom? Even if you make a makeshift one in the basement, the attic, or the garage, (if you can get heat in there.)

I see part of her problem. She was used to being on her own somewhere along the line, and now she's stuck sharing a bedroom with a sister she barely grew up with.

And I see the reverse for you. You finally got your own bedroom and then...

If at all possible, renegotiate bedrooms.

This is the one thing I have no way of doing. Besides the fact of my parents likely being upset and hurt by it (feeling like they're not providing for me when they're doing the best they can), there is literally NO other space I could go. But thanks for all your suggestions! Sometimes it's just good to know I'm not the only one who feels like they can't live with family...family, for goodness sake! I'll shake this as soon as summer is here. I love to be outdoors and she doesn't, so it kinda automatically fixes itself for a few months.

 

[coby2]

This is the one thing I have no way of doing. Besides the fact of my parents likely being upset and hurt by it (feeling like they're not providing for me when they're doing the best they can), there is literally NO other space I could go. But thanks for all your suggestions! Sometimes it's just good to know I'm not the only one who feels like they can't live with family...family, for goodness sake! I'll shake this as soon as summer is here. I love to be outdoors and she doesn't, so it kinda automatically fixes itself for a few months.

I once saw supernanny where they had not much room but they used a room divider, just so she could do what she wanted. We used those things in church, lol those are kid things, but there's also normal ones.